THE ABSENTEE BLOGDOC

The title of this post could have been “What I have been up to to have stopped blogging for so long”. Since I wasn’t sure whether, in the title, I could put into two to’s together, I desisted.

Whew. Life has been hectic, lemme tell ya!

I have been operating a lot, including some pretty difficult cases. Some sad, like a thirty year old girl who had advanced rectal cancer. I knocked off her left colon and rectum along with her uterus. She’s not gonna live too long, though chemo would give her some years, hopefully. She glares at me so angrily (she has a temporary colostomy) that I asked her, “Do you hate me, or you just angry with me?” She burst into tears and wailed “I am so scared!” I felt like a narrow-minded rat. Peculiar, that. Rats would have narrow minds and hinds, too, wouldn’t they?

On top of work, I have changed my life quite a bit without any New Year resolutions.

*For one, I have totally quit smoking, like Shane Warne has totally quit cricket and SMS-sex. The girls who have visiting rights to my mouth say they wished they could move in permadently. If you can stomach this gummy and toothfool statement.

*I eat only one sweet a day, rather (inversely) like an IPO attracts one customer a day.

*I eat rakshashoid portions of veggies and fruits daily, rather similar to the reserves of love that one of the Thackerays has for the Biharis, Gujaratis and Madrasis of Mumbai city. See pic of subject’s breakfast, for example, weighing around two pounds.

breakfast1.jpg

*I do an hour-and-a-half solid gym workout six days a week. This is, I notice, the exact time the guys who kill chickens (cullers, not killers) must be spending a day doing their work. No wonder, West Bengal and its contained bloggers are protein-starved and liable to be renamed Beangalis. The punned plant product being the main source of amine nitrogen in our diet in these days of the H5N1 virus.

*I cooked a very elaborate Chinese dinner one evening, but the flavors fell flatter than my puns.

*I research a bit on what is happening to the stock markets, preparatory to investing a bit of money when the market is down. So far, I think I have invested more money than I ever knew I had earned. Which means about as much money as an Ambani’s driver makes in a month.

End of story. All of this would make it next morning already. 7am, and work starts again.

Net net (as the corporate and CNBC-types say so irritatingly): aforementioned blogdoc is lighter by 4 kilograms in two weeks, plenty of muscle fibers showing, belly flattening, preparatory to the development of the imaginary six-packs. Only my shaven head (another new development) prevents the chicks from accidentally falling on me, lips locked to mine.
I am, of course, poorer now, and very blogopenic (Greek penia=lack, poverty).

Do accept my genuine apologies for not blogging, and for not visiting. And for the ladies who are not falling for me now, I have this to say: “The weight will be worth it!” I think the Emaar-MGF (also called the Bimaar MGF) IPO-wallahs will be saying more or less the same thing, as they nurse sore backsides from the kicks of the non-paying public.

(Oh, this post is dedicated to Geetha for being so sweet!)

20 responses to “THE ABSENTEE BLOGDOC

  1. Excuses, excuses, excuses ;-)

    On a serious note, good to hear you are lie-ter, non-smoker, fit-ter! Physician is healing himself clearly…

    Lie-ter?
    Aargh!
    When will you lay pippuls lay off lite-hearted comments?

    And you misspelt heeling, too!

  2. You seem to have lost weight but thankfully not your sense of humour. Surprising, despite the withdrawal symptoms of not smoking! And not eating to your hearts content! And not cooking up to your expectations! And not writing up to your expectations!
    Well, as long as you live up to your patients expectations I guess you are forgiven.

    Nita:
    Patients are very forgiving, most of the time….. so I survive! ;-)

  3. This is great news, Doc! It sounds like things are really going well for you. For some strange reason, that makes me very happy.

    Paul:
    Thanks, my friend!

  4. Your readers were mising you and your sense of humour Rambodoc.
    I am happy to know that Ambumani Ramdoss is making some impact somewhere. If not Shahrukh at least one celebrity from Kolkata is paying attention to what he says.
    I read somewhere, ‘in the stockmarket it is better to buy in panic than sell in panic’- did you say that!

    Prerna,
    I am missing out a lot of fun not going into other blogs, too.
    Though I do manage to catch a few on my Blog Surfer page.
    And thanks for a great aphorism!

  5. :-) ur posts were sorely missed !

    plus it looks like the investment bug has bitten ur blog too.

    Prax,
    The investment bug is biting my ass off, and I am bleeding money…. :-D

  6. Ow! The puns…

    Hey, shaven heads are cool. The patients might be a bit scared, though.

    Hey, Marc!
    You are looking like a film star!

  7. That plate looks..uhh..healthy. *runs away*

    Ish:
    Not a plate…. it is an eight inch high bowl capable of taking in enough stuff to feed a family of four.

  8. Oranges in milk? Now that is Thackrey and the immigrants! Breaks from blogging are healthy indeed :) Welcome back.

    Priyank:
    Thanks, mate!

  9. An eight inch high bowl, now that’s way too much health food by my standards. I’ll probably faint. *runs away really fast*

  10. Congratulations, doc and best wishes on all these positive changes. Your schedule requires superhuman endurance. Rambodoc II, the sequel :)

  11. Keep that health trek on. Best wishes.

  12. Thank u doc.. :)
    And the way things are going you are going to end up handsome and rich very soon..or so it seems..
    Good luck..

  13. Geetha: He does surgery on other people, not on himself so ‘handsome’ I wouldn’t bet on ;-)

  14. @Shefaly :hahahahha…6 pack..didnt he say..!!!
    and shaven head…bald is sexy..
    He is going the right way I think..

  15. Umm, ladies, there are some men who look handsome the moment they start talking. And if they are already gifted in the looks department, imagine the may(den)hem!

  16. request pic of the new doc plis!

  17. I second that Usha..
    preferably.. salman khan style..

  18. You greedy gals,
    Soon, soon!

  19. I am impressed – doc! All the best to keep it going for a long time!

  20. I was thinking about going through your blog some other time, but I am glad I decided to put away my procrastination. There is only one person I know who can be as witty and punny as you, unfortunately he is scared of the internet. I am already imagining conversations you two might have had!

    Oh well…

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