A Twist of Word and Mind

THE HUMERUS NEWS PAGE

Stan Kegel provides the Weakly Humerus News posts that are simply hilarious and enviable in their creativity.
You can get all these posts in this page.

7 Comments

7 responses so far ↓

  • Lakshmi // November 20, 2007 at 11:13 pm | Reply

    Hats off to both of you for the weekly dose of Vit H !

  • NAEEM WAZIR // December 7, 2007 at 4:24 pm | Reply

    hello friends

  • Floroskop // March 19, 2008 at 12:48 pm | Reply

    Hello!
    I think this try.

  • cooxiachaicewlyCon // October 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm | Reply

    I have a question for you or anyone else who wants to address this: I know of several folks who have decided to stop contributing to their 401k’s and other retirement accounts and start putting that money towards paying down their mortgage. Right now I put $250/paycheck into my retirement fund, and yet my balance is less than it was six months ago. Is it smarter to just keep with the traditional wisdom of investing the same amount no matter how the market is going, or is a diversion into debt reduction a smart move? FYI I’m about 15 miles out from retirement.
    What do you think?
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    http://www.businessdomm.biz
    http://www.businessdomm.com

  • Jerry Perisho // November 26, 2008 at 10:06 am | Reply

    Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho
    Email: jerryperisho@earthlink.net
    New Website: http://monologuewriter.blogspot.com/
    Book Site: http://www.jerryperisho.com/book.html

    If you use any of these jokes in the newspaper, on TV, on radio, in any other medium or in a speech,
    please provide proper credit to:
    “Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho”

    Tuesday Nov. 25, 2008

    Math Teachers One Step Ahead
    A report by the Education Trust says that many math teachers are just one chapter ahead of the students in their math knowledge.
    … Sex ed is a different story. There, the students are far ahead of the teachers.
    … Sex ed is an entirely different story. There, students and teachers are learning together.
    … The only time teachers are really good at math is when they’re counting the number of years until they’re tenured.

    Book By Laura Bush
    First Lady Laura Bush says she is talking to publishers about writing her memoirs.
    … In the book, she’ll tell the story about explaining to the President that the First Lady was not Eve.
    … The book will be written for every level of interest. There will even be a section with a mirror. George will be kept busy for hours trying to figure out where the man’s face goes when he turns the page.

    Urine Machine is Working
    The urine recycling machine on board the international space station appears to be working properly.
    … I sure hope we don’t start doing this on earth. I’m having enough trouble putting my newspaper in the bin by the curb.
    … The astronauts celebrated. But, Mission Control cautioned them not to get so excited they might “wet” themselves. That would be counter-productive.

    Britney Spears’ Kids Say the “F” Word
    In Rolling Stone magazine, singer Britney Spears complains that her kids must have picked up the “F” word from her husband.
    … That’s kind of odd. I thought her husband WAS the “F” word.

    Hanna Montana’s Birthday
    “Hanna Montana” star Miley Cyrus got a recording studio for her 16th birthday, Sunday.
    … I remember my 16th birthday. I got a pack of cigarettes and food poisoning.

    Germs and Chicken Trucks
    Medical researchers say you should not drive behind open flatbed trucks carrying chickens. Their waste creates plumes of nasty germ-filled air.
    … During the presidential campaign, it’s the same reason you didn’t want to drive too closely behind John McCain’s Straight Talk Express.

    Booking Agent Gets Probation
    A woman who helped arrange trysts for a $5,500 per hour escort service got one year probation Tuesday in the case that brought down New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
    … The only person charging me $5,500 per hour to probe every inch of my being is my income tax guy.

    TiVo Profits are Down
    TiVo Inc. said Tuesday that its quarterly revenue fell 15%.
    … Uh-oh, wait a minute. Sorry, that was a replay of TiVo’s last quarter’s earnings report.

    Rain in Southern California
    Rain in the fire areas of southern California will produce mudslides that could wash out homes and roads.
    … State officials are on the alert. They will collect as much mud as possible for the next governor’s race.

    Michael Vick Pleads Guilty
    Former NFL quarterback Michael Vick pleaded guilty to state dog fighting charges, a move that could speed up his return to pro football.
    … Anticipating Vick’s return, the NFL has adopted a “no tackling by grabbing the GPS ankle bracelet” rule.

    Grey Cup
    Calgary won the Grey Cup, the Canadian Football League’s championship trophy.
    … There’s a grey cup in the US, too; it’s the one that gets thrown in with the dark clothes. And, there’s a Super Bowl in Canada; it’s the one holding the hot pea soup.

    Sampson Banned for 5 Years
    Former Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson was banned from college coaching for 5 years after being found guilty of making impermissible phone calls.
    … Inexplicably, he must have called “American Idol” about a million times to vote for Clay Aiken.

    Pirates Sign Pitchers from India
    Two 20-year-old men from India, who won a televised contest called “The Million Dollar Arm” and can throw a baseball faster than 80-mph, have signed for try-outs with the Pittsburgh Pirates.
    … Hmm, I always thought Indian pitchers came from Cleveland.
    … There won’t be any problems as long as the balls aren’t covered with cow hide.

    http://monologuewriter.blogspot.com/
    Mark as a “favorite”; visit often; refer the site to your friends

  • Дин // May 22, 2009 at 2:30 pm | Reply

    Как-то даже неудобно спрашивать, ведь я, к своему сожалению, осознаю, что это оффтоп. Но мой вопрос будет оффтопом в любом Вашем топике. И всё-таки, мне очень интересно знать: как относятся разные люди к прилагательным. Пожалуйста, не удивляйтесь и не считайте меня чересчур пошатнувшимся в идее. Просто очень интересно: как Вы относитесь к прилагательному “истинный”, а точнее какие чувства оно у Вас вызывает? P.S. прошу прощения за то, что оставил в Вашем блоге шаблонную запись, но где как ни в нём, можно узнать Ваше личное мнение!

  • ieuzdwjfokvw // October 6, 2009 at 3:17 am | Reply

    bdelccxbwxyb

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