More punny posts on the way!

We will carry in this blog some of the posts of Stan Kegel, a pediatric cardiologist and renowned punster to boot. He was one of the judges of the world punning competition, and here is what he has to say:

Carmen Petrick had quite a day at the 30th O. Henry Pun-Off in Austin 05-19-07 winning the Silver Medal for second place in both the Punniest of Show and Hi/Lo competitions. Here is her prize-winning POS routine about “Mobile Phones” which recieved 39 out of a possible 40 points from the judges. The routine:

MOBILE PHONES

TALKING ON A CELL PHONE:
Okay, okay, I gotta go. It’s my turn. Bye.

FUMBLES WITH THE PHONE:
Whoops! Nearly DROPPED THE CALL.

Good news! My car is ready. All they had to do was change the MOTOROLA, and now Steve and I are T-MOBILE again. We could drive off into the VERIZON together. Actually, Steve’s really been TEXTING my patience lately. He’s got his HEADSET the wrong way. I could just RING his neck. I know I need to TONE it down, but sometimes it doesn’t seem like he and I are even ON THE SAME PLANet. I tell him I’m always FREE NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS, but he always wants me to do everything. That’s all I hear,

(TO THE TUNE OF THE NOKIA RING TONE)
“DO DO DO DO, DO DO DO DO, DO DO DO DO, DO!” If I left it to him, I’d be CALL WAITING forever, and if I end up CINGULAR for the rest of my life, I’ll DIAL just die!

I think I’m stressed because I’ve been in Italy producing this play. It’s some King EARPIECE by Shakespeare. I’m under a lot of pressure to RAISE THE BARD to a new level, but the Italians aren’t very helpful. I get so VIBRATE because they never return my calls. Their excuse? “I’m sorry. I’m ROMAN!” So I just keep on calling out of the BLUE TOOTH or three times a day. I know there’s NOKIA to success like hard work, but I’ve been working so hard I’m SPRINT!

Hold on. I’m getting a call. It’s my broker.

Answers phone:
Hey, what’s NEXTEL?…I told you! CELL! CELL! CELL! You’re supposed to be concerned with my NETWORK!

Argh. I could just FLIP HIM OFF.

FLIPS PHONE SHUT:
So, anyway, the last play I did was in PHONEix. I had V-CAST these rather skanky women to play in this BROADBAND, but…Hold on again. I’m getting another call.

ANSWERS PHONE:
Hello? An anesthesiologist? I think you have the WRONG NUMB-ER.

HANGS UP:
Sorry. I’ve been getting these prank calls. It’s a VOICEMAIL and kind of raspy. If I could just see the back of his shirt, I could get his COLLAR ID. Uh oh. I’m out of MINUTES. Bye!
(Carmon Petrick POS 05-19-07)

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