I wrote this small piece back in 2005, when there was a news article on an enraged woman biting off her man’s, er, cohones. Check it out.
How much weird do people need to get? We now hear that a woman ripped off the testicles of her lover and tried to swallow the harvest she reaped.
I think she was stretching it too far, wouldn’t you say? She thought she would gonad when he refused her advances, and tried to take pole position.
After this rip-off of a romance, he can never, he says, count semen among his friends. Why, she did not even have the basic man-ners to know how to have a ball without biting off more than she could chew. The word ‘phlegmatic’ means to be combative. I propose the word ‘spermatic’ as a new coinage, to depict a rage that comes when one waves a red rag in front of a ball breaker. This lady may not have had a ball, but she did not have her bearings, either!
Anyways, I always thought men have balls so that they could scratch them. At least, that is how things looked from Calcutta, and it was much later that I learnt that even great men in history have needed to do that. Yes, yes, I know, this bit is making you itchy and fidgety. I mention the term scratching the balls as a valuable activity in pool. What did you think? Now that we are talking of this, the term ball scratching means ‘a boring situation’ in Hebrew.
However, a ‘Ball Scratcher’ is not a rude person. It means a greater-than-average difficult problem. You know, as opposed to a ‘head scratcher’.
Again, I pass without purpose into particularly pruritic posts that puritan pundits will profoundly pillory, pummel, and pull to pieces. Allow me this alliterative attitude, avoiding allergic and acerbic acknowledgement of my attempt to allay an Anglicised abbystench!