LOVE LETTERS

Thanks, Stan Kegel, for this amazing bit of wordsmithery!

A consonant walks into a bar and sits down next to a vowel.

“Hi!” he says. “Have you ever been here before?”

“Of cursive,” she replies. “I come here, like, all the time.”

He can tell from her accent (which is kind acute) that she is a Vowelly Girl. He looks her over. She’s short and has a nice assonance. He thinks she has a fine upper-case as well.

He remains stationery, enveloped by her charm. His initial reaction is so pronounced, he doesn’t know what to say. He is, at present, tense.

“You’ve a lovely set of… teeth,” he sputters. “Do you Crush with breast–I mean, do you brush with Crest?”

“Oh my God, gag me with a spoonerism! Your mind is in the guttural, fer sure.”

Admiring her figure of speech, he falls into a fantasy. He pictures a perfect wedding. They exchange wedding vowels.

The minister says, “I now pronouns you husband and wife.”

They kiss each other on the ellipsis. “I love you, noun forever, ” he whispers. The conjugation is in tiers.

(In a word, they are wed.)

He awakens from his daydream and proposes a dance.

She declines.

“Let’s go outside,” he says to her. “I’d like to have a word with you.”

“Are you prepositioning me?”

“I won’t be indirect. You are the object of my preposition.”

“Oh my God, you’re like, such a boldfaced character!”

“I see your point. But I’m font of you.”

“Do I have to spell it out to you? You’re not my type, so get off my case!”

Reluctantly, he decides to letter b.

“Now my evening lies in runes,” he laments.

He leaves, hoping to have letter luck next time.
(By Gary Roma)

2 responses to “LOVE LETTERS

  1. Awwww… poor thing.

  2. Good post with some useful info! Can’t say I completely agree with all that you have urged here, however there are an excellent amount of essential info you’ve highlighted that may be very useful on dog training and related topics. Please continue providing extra suggestions on this subject and associated subjects, as there are numerous on the market like me who are attempting to get to know the ups and downs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s