Today’s news stories, both Indian and international, were about the following:
* Indian PM Manmohan Singh dares the Left on the Indo-US nuclear deal.
* Actress Vidya Balan talks on ‘Hey Baby’, her new movie with Sajid Khan: “I am a fun-loving girl”.
* Sanjay Dutt’s lawyer appeals for hearing in Supreme Court.
* Actress Kangana Ranaut gives an interview: “I will never get silicone implants”.
* Miners’ rescue action on in Utah.
* US ex-teacher accused of rape is given a salary raise.
* UK body to probe bias against Indian docs.
There is a great supercomputer in Google’s headquarters in Mountain View, California, that sorts the news feeds constantly flowing in from every corner of the Milky Way. Rather like the unceasing dribbling of sundry, anonymous pieces of trash that keep falling from a Kolkata Municipal Corporation truck carrying garbage to a dumping site. One day, i.e., today, the supercomputer got stuck because a giant glacier crashed in the Arctic Sea due to global warming, leading to a spike in US temperatures.
The sizzled supercomp behaved like a man with a tumor in his frontal cortex. You know, such people can do things normally not expected even from Hyderabadi MLAs. Like pissing in front of a class, or shouting abuses at one’s mother while looking at the mirror. You get the drift, in other words, becoming a Total Popat, a certifiable loony.
On this inauspicious 11th of August 2007, the Google news feed got totaled. Feed A went chaotically into B, and incestuously into A and C, and so on. Fuzzy illogic was the result. Here is a sample of the news feed that I got today:
The Prime Minister dares Vidya Balan to bare in Hey Baby, but she said she just did two back-to-back movies, but praised him as a ‘fun person’, who has an incredible crack. “I wish I could let my hair down”, she said. The Left reacted sharply, but the Prime Minister said
he would have to pay a political price for behaving madly at the Supreme Court.
Balan brightens up at this: “I’ve known him for a long time. We all behave madly in Parliament”.
“Please give me five minutes on Monday”, he pleaded.
“It is not possible, unless he wants to withdraw totally”, she told us.
Meanwhile, Britain’s highest medical regulatory body has begun an enquiry into the alarming and disproportionate increase in rapes committed by the Leftists.
In response, the Chief Justice said, “We have uniform standards, but we will consider it while laughing and behaving as though Sajid Khan is getting a raise.”
The General Medical Council inquiry established that he was accused of sexually harassing and inappropriately touching a student.
By asserting himself, CPI-(M) boss Prakash Karat has made it clear that he is no longer willing to bow down to Kangana Ranaut, clearly marking a shift in the power equation between the Left and Bollywood. Kangana says many Bollywood actresses are also going in for plastic surgery for a second, wider hole. “These girls feel that this is the best way to attract men and become a sex symbol. Little do they realise that it has an adverse effect on health. I will never get carried away.”
Plastic surgeons early today punched a second, wider hole through, breaking into a cavity where they believe six workers have been trapped since Monday.
Officials plan to drop a video camera inside the hole, which is about 8½ inches wide and more than 1,800 feet deep.