A TRAGI-COMIC DEATH WISH-LIST

TOP FIVE WAYS I DON’T WANT TO DIE:

1. Getting stoned to death in Iraq, or anywhere, actually.
2. Falling into a Kolkata manhole hidden by floods and no one even nearby to mistake me for a municipal worker.
3. Pining away to death for someone worthless, and not having the brains to realise it.
4. Shot to death fighting with another passenger for the toilet in a hijacked airplane on the fifth day of negotiations, just before the dumbass negotiators realise that there is a Minister’s daughter in the plane and that the hijackers have run out of bullets now.
5. Death By Surgeon: Hooked on to a ventilator with my confused body fluids getting hopelessly mixed up, like the surgeon who operated me and helped me reach the ICU in the present state.

b_sweet_death.jpg

TOP FIVE WAYS I WANT TO DIE:

1. Rope snapping while bungee jumping from the Petronas’ towers (or similar) in search of the window of the Bank I need to break into, wherein lies a few billion dollars loose change, a la ‘Entrapment’, starring Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery.
2. Unstable pelvic fracture sustained during sex, preferably as a contagious disease.
3. Sucked into a twister and being throttled to death by a desperate Julia Roberts (trying to escape getting her sweet ass chewed by a hungry and disoriented Jersey cow) clinging fatally on to my trachea.
4. Firing squad for politically incorrect and hyper-adult blogging.
5. Tasting French blue cheese and choking to death, failing to revive in spite of copious amounts of elixir (a.k.a. Beaujolais nouveau).

24 responses to “A TRAGI-COMIC DEATH WISH-LIST

  1. “Unstable pelvic fracture sustained during sex, preferably as a contagious disease.”

    I d hate to die this way… imagine the state in which they find my body!!

  2. As a Doctor you probably have experienced the passing of human life more often than most of us and that perhaps makes it easier to comment on this subject, and since its not to difficult to read about this fact of life everyday all over the world, most of us prefer not to think about how we might take our last breath. So I guess if we can learn to laugh about it then we can go on blogging knowing full well that our blogs may last much longer tan our last comment.
    Incidently I very much appreciate your new blog design and am very happy about your header graphic.

  3. may your soul rest in peace

  4. Ha ha ha! Insightful and philosophically humorous in your (usual) unique style!

    I liked #3 in the don’t want to list – it’s the slowest and most painful…how did you think of it?!

  5. Enjoyed reading that. That death by surgeon thing made me feel pretty creepy! And me, I don’t want to die at all! Not in this life at least.

  6. Bored to death by a case discussion in an MBA class 😦

    Shocked to death by Prof. Amartya Sen declaring that that rational fool is no fool after all 🙂

  7. I would prefer to die in my sleep. I don’t want to see a doctor’s face just before dying(very unimaginative, I know).
    You have a very fertile imagination, I must say.

  8. Oemar, would you be there to feel shame or embarrassment? 🙂
    Nita, surgeons as such are creeps, maybe!? 🙂
    TR Fool, why am I not surprised?
    Vrtlobjeq, Prerna and Ankur, thanks!

  9. Mahendra,
    “Insightful and philosophically humorous in your (usual) unique style!”
    If even one amongst the billions who compulsively read my blog every morning (before laughing hysterically and drawing annoyed looks from sleeping partners) understands this, I will be happy.
    And, with you around, I know it.
    🙂

  10. Rambodoc, as one among billions who compulsively read your blog every mourning — er, I mean morning — I found your post today hilarious. Thank you!

    When I was much younger, I imagined I wanted to die at 97 of a massive heart attack on my wedding night to a nubile 16 year old. But as I grew older, I realized that, at 97, merely trying to discuss love with a 16 year old would surely do me in — from exasperation.

  11. Pining away to death for someone worthless, and not having the brains to realise it. //
    does the brain decide to pine or not..no…I mean is’nt it the heart that does that ?
    Some things are not meant to be analysed.
    Actually I think I’d like to die pining for someone if my heart feels its nice to do that 🙂

    and there always ‘death by chocolate’..ooohh 🙂

  12. Sree,
    Also desirable mode of death: “Death By Rambodoc”!
    🙂

  13. Ram…I demand GA 😦

  14. aahh..there is something funny abt the time that is being displayed here ,Ram .
    ur comment is displaying tommorrow’s date.

  15. “It would be more like rubbing a Peter and praying for Paul!”

    ROFLMAO! That’s the biggest laugh I’ve had all week! I owe you a drink for that one, Rambodoc — just as soon as you visit Colorado Springs.

  16. Hahahaha! Clever gorl!!

  17. You forgot the situation where the surgeon removes the heart (instead of the appendix) by mistake and then I read the next day newspaper whose headlines screams “Scientists discover that you need a heart to live” and then I drop dead because the newspaper has got to be right.

    (saw this in a Simpsons episode by the way)

  18. Rubbing a peter and praying for paul. Doc. That is one of the greatest twists of word and mind I have seen on your blog. We bow to thee 🙂

  19. Hey, Krish, thanks!
    🙂

  20. I have been looking for something witty to say, but I think you have used it all up. How’s this: Not – Dying of utter and total frustration because Blogger had lost my blog (I know that you are on WordPress.)

  21. ACE. all i can say.

  22. 🙂 very interesting

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