THREE INDIAN ROLE MODELS

 http://asianart.comI had, a while back, written a piece of satire called Emailing Lord Vishnu that I can’t find where it is published in the website of the Liberty Institute, New Delhi.
Anyways, if I had to be some Indian other than what I am, then these three would be my first picks:

1. Become a yoga guru, a Shamdev Baba, virtually living on TV, making snorting noises, one index finger in my left ear and another in my right nostril. No fees, it’s free seva, and there is the donation box, no, no, that is not a well filled with aqua Gangetica! “That is where the poor people ping back my blessings. For rich folks, my Swiss banker will get in touch with you”.
2. Take revenge on the world, hassling unsuspecting folk till they feel like jumping off a bridge, by becoming a TV news cub, and going to a dude half of whose sorry ass has got blown up in a tyre explosion created by the al Qaida on a severe budget crunch.
Cub: “Sir, how are you feeling now?”
Sorry half-ass: “Aargh, I am feeling proud that I sacrificed half my buttocks in the nation’s cause.” (“mainey mera aadha hissa desh to gaa, matlab, daan diya hai”)
Cub: “Sir, the whole country is now watching you. Would you like to convey any message?”
SHA: “Does any one have any spare underwear?” (“ek chaddi milegi? Hospital ke nurses kya sochengey?”)
Cub, turning to camera: “Er.., Raj, as you can understand, he is pantying in shock. Yeh andar ki baat hai!
3. Become a paththar baba. If you don’t know what it is, you don’t know the real India. There are, in various cities in this country, saints (gender unspecified) who cure people suffering from stones in their pancreas, gall bladder, kidney, and any organ that can claim its place in the Stone Age. One type of paththari mata (Mother of Stones, literally) puts her lips on the patient’s tummy and sucks and sucks. Viola! She then shows a few stones (miraculous transformation of calcium oxalate/bilirubinate/other to silica derivatives unnoticed) to the awestruck patient and asks him to come back after a few months for a repeat clearance. At this rate, informed sources estimate that Caesarian sections will become obsolete by 2025.
What would you like to become?

14 responses to “THREE INDIAN ROLE MODELS

  1. rotfl !! ..so so funny ,Ram :))

    At this rate, informed sources estimate that Caesarian sections will become obsolete by 2025. //
    but how ? this time the ‘stone’ wld be in two places :))

    What would you like to become? //
    If u r a ‘guru’ I wld like to be ur investment adviser 😉

  2. I’m planning to reincarnate as Hari Seldon, the last human baba!

  3. I d like to be Osho’s successor… in any case, definitely not Option 2….

  4. “If u r a ‘guru’ I wld like to be ur investment adviser”

    Sree, any investment is welcome! I have no vested interest, though! You advice me!
    😉

  5. This was a good way to kick start the day, with a smile on my face. Got a long hard day today, yeah, even though its a saturday.

  6. Ram
    Sree, any investment is welcome! I have no vested interest, though! You advice me! //

    I dont know about vests but the second one , I think u r a pro 😉

  7. Yeah, Sree, I am pro-Vest, whichever way you spell it!

  8. You have confused me @ rambodoc. I can’t decide!!!!!!!

  9. Haha.
    You can have all three- I would n’t be found dead as any of those. I haven’t been following the sadhus a lot ( it is tough considering how many there are) but the TV news cubs are totally out of control.

  10. I agree with your comments concerning WordPress, however, I do not want to start over. I have over 180 posts as well as a growing Technorati rating, currently at 79. Once I get converted over to the 3 columns, I should be just fine. Unless, you have a way for me3 to take it all with me over to WordPress??

  11. Nice laughing way to start a Sunday! Cool!

  12. Nice one. But “making snorting noises, one index finger in my left ear and another in my right nostril” also called pranayam, actually works, especially with ailments of respiratory system – speaking from my own and my parents’ experience. Hey, if surgeons don’t do surgery for free (maybe with some exceptions), why should Ramdev give anything for free? 😉 🙂
    You have first class and economy class seating in a plane, you have different seatings in a theater for different price. Same thing with Ramdev’s seating plan – actually quite smart. Besides, it’s human nature to appreciate something much more if they pay for it, than if they get it for free, right?

  13. Amit,
    Welcome! 🙂
    Point taken and accepted! I have no issues with his making money at all. Maybe the putated cures for AIDS, epilepsy and arthritis and what-not are issues for the Lancet to ponder over, but that’s fine! 🙂

  14. I wish I knew more about the cancer-cure controversy, but some of his claims are definitely ludicrous. I don’t agree with what Ramdev does or says 100%. For example, he is against sex education in schools, whereas I think otherwise. But I do give him credit for popularizing yoga. 🙂

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