From Stan Kegel


President Bush said there will be no pullout while he is president, repeating the same old words Clinton used to say all the time to his interns. (Pedro Bartes)

In anticipation of the discovery/fabrication of Element #112, scientists have already named it: Cranium. They’re planning a head. (Bob Dvorak)

Will Hillary Clinton receive broad support in 2008? Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant to ask was: Will broads support Hillary Clinton in 2008? (The Covert Comic)

Bob Woodward claims that the Bush administration is in a state of denial. Today the Bush administration denied it. (David Letterman)

Michael Vick plead guilty to dog fighting charges and he may do jail time. They say that this guy went through more dogs than Bill Clinton (David Letterman)

“I just think it’s time” said Karl Rove to Bush on the White House lawn before exiting stage left and heading home to join his new firm of Washington lobbyists, “Rove, Gingrich, DeLay, Foley & Cunningham.” (Bob Mills)

A London study claims that a Tyrannosaurus Rex could outrun Soccer star David Beckham. That may be true, but Beckham’s wife is a lot hotter than the T-Rex’s wife, Posh Rex. (Alex Kaseberg)

The Gallup Poll reported Tuesday that Congress reached an all-time low approval rating of eighteen percent, just lower than President Bush’s poll numbers. It looks like we’re stuck with them anyway. Queen Elizabeth stubbornly refuses to take us back. (Argus Hamilton)

During a TV interview Karl Rove said that Hillary Clinton won’t win the next elections because she is a divider, unlike his former employer president Bush who is a uniter, and united everybody in the world to hate him. (Pedro Bartes)

I guess it’s no wonder that a poll out this summer put ‘None of the Above’ over all of the other Republican candidates. And if ‘None of the Above’ does get the Republican nomination, you know two things will happen: a) the Democrats will find a way to lose to him, and b) Bush will try to call and congratulate him. (Bill Maher)

The head of the Atlanta chapter of the NAACP says said Michael Vick should not lose his football career with the NFL. The NAACP leader insists the organization doesn’t condone dog fighting or animal cruelty, it just doesn’t think anyone should be punished for it. (Jake Novak)

A study published in “The New England Journal of Medicine” said that many people between the ages of 70 and 80 are active sexually. A problem occurs when one starts brearthing very heavily or screaming. You don’t know if he is coming or going. (Stan Kegel)

Heidi Fleiss endorsed Hillary Clinton for president Monday. Her latest planned venture is a brothel in Nevada for women customers, staffed by male prostitutes. She has no idea it’s going to become a halfway house for recently defeated congressmen. (Argus Hamilton)


You folks see the Democratic presidential debates over the weekend? Oh man, this debate, whoa, it was very intense. The loser, the loser of the debate was taken out back and drown by Michael Vick. (David Letterman)

Congratulations to Matt Damon. His movie “The Bourne Ultimatum? The biggest movie opening ever in the month of August. It made $70 million. Today, Sen. John McCain asked Matt Damon to be his running mate. (Jay Leno)

Fred Thompson says working on the NBC series “Law and Order” has prepared him for running for president. That makes sense, TV actors and presidential candidates both mostly smile and just say the lines a bunch of overpaid Ivy League graduates write for them. (Jake Novak)

Even though it’s been revealed that he once worked for a pro choice group, Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson says he would ban abortion if he were elected, but not before he bans those pesky reporters who keep finding who he used to work for. (Jake Novak)

Democratic presidential candidate and New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson lost his top campaign organizer in Nevada Thursday. It was discovered he had once worked at a brothel. Nobody had ever asked how he knew every major political figure in the state. (Argus Hamilton)

Hillary Clinton spoke to the VFW meeting in Kansas City Monday. She’s sounding less partisan and more presidential. The more Hillary extends her lead in the polls, the less she criticizes the administration for giving the president dictatorial power. (Argus Hamilton)

Hillary Clinton opened a huge lead in California Thursday among likely primary voters. That could change in one sex scandal. To make sure every Democrat knows he is Hispanic, Bill Richardson has just decided to proposition the mayor of Los Angeles. (Argus Hamilton)

John Edwards vowed Friday he will get rid of stock he owns in mortgage lenders who foreclosed on Hurricane Katrina victims. He missed an opportunity. If he had just stood by the foreclosures, he could have won the Republican nomination in a walk. (Argus Hamilton)

Rudy Giuliani is telling the media to “leave my family alone.” It can’t be that hard. He’s done it for years. (Jim Barach)

Hillary Clinton gave a speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars meeting in Kansas City Monday. She told the veterans the new military tactics in Iraq are working but the best way to honor our troops is to begin bringing them home. The campaign’s biggest expense is the team of tailors it hauls around to measure Hillary’s every word. (Argus Hamilton)

Barack Obama said Monday his six-year-old daughter objects to the Obama Girl video that shows a female fan singing a sensual and longing song to the candidate. It’s not the singer’s fault. The path to becoming Secretary of State isn’t what it used to be. (Argus Hamilton)

Michelle Obama insisted Tuesday she wasn’t talking about the Clintons when she said you must be able to run your own house before you run the White House. That is silly. If we wanted someone with experience running a house, we’d elect the D.C. madam. (Argus Hamilton)

Fred Thompson raised eyebrows on the midway at the Iowa State Fair Friday when he showed up wearing Gucci loafers. He’s been down this path before. Trudging through manure in seven-hundred-dollar loafers is what lobbyists do every day on Capitol Hill. (Argus Hamilton)

Barack Obama admitted he was terrified Friday when he rode the Big Ben ride at the Iowa State Fair. He nearly threw up from the up-and-down ride. It allows people who have all their money in blind trusts to experience the thrill of the stock market. (Argus Hamilton)

Heidi Fleiss joined porno movie star Jenna Jameson Monday and endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. They were happy to return the favor. Once Hillary endorsed the idea that oral sex is not adultery, they had more business than they could handle. (Argus Hamilton)

John Edwards admitted on Thursday he invested millions in a hedge fund tied to subprime lenders who are foreclosing on New Orleans hurricane victims. He must be just mortified. Before Michael Vick trained pit bulls he worked with mortgage lenders. (Argus Hamilton)

What will the Republican presidential campaign look like without Karl Rove? Probably the same as it would have with him. Warnings about Mexicans, warnings about Arabs, and warnings about gays. They’re trying to come over the border, they’re trying to come over the oceans, they’re trying to come over your back. (Bill Maher)


President Bush flip-flopped Wednesday and decided he now supports Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki again. On Tuesday he wasn’t sure. But hey, when you’re The Decider, you can decide anything you want. Let Tony Snow decide. I hear Tony flips a good coin. (Joe Hickman)

The White House has announced that Jenna Bush, one of President Bush’s twin daughters, is engaged to be married to her longtime boyfriend, Henry Hager. The couple became officially engaged last Wednesday in Maine. First lady Laura Bush notes that the couple are registered at Halliburton, and Budweiser. (PNN News)

Jenna Bush is getting married. First, the guy has to be confirmed by Congress. It’s going to be an expensive wedding. The $3 billion contract has gone to Halliburton. (David Letterman)


Presidential advisor Karl Rove has resigned. Were you aware about that — he’s resigned. He says he wants to spend more time leaking information about his family. (David Letterman)

White House press secretary Tony Snow has announced his resignation. Last week, political strategist Karl Rove said he’d be leaving at the end of the month. Before that, departures included counselor Dan Bartlett, chief White House attorney Harriet Miers, budget director Bob Portman, political director Sara Taylor, and a number of others. And here you thought no-one in the White House had an exit strategy. (Tom Evans)


You like presidential birthdays? Oh! Who doesn’t. Well, over the weekend former president Bill Clinton turned 61, 61! Happy birthday Bill. Bill enjoyed a romantic candlelight dinner and dancing, then he went home to Hillary (David Letterman)


Congressman Bob Filner was charged with assault at Dulles Airport for pushing past a baggage claim employee Sunday. The airline had lost his luggage. The reason so many people are running for president is because it’s such a pain to fly commercial. (Argus Hamilton)


A mistake in an Arkansas law allows marriage at any age as long as there is parental consent. And as long as the parents are at least 16 years old. The law allows marriage at any age, which was different from the old law that allows marriage to any relatives. (Jim Barach)

A new Arkansas law technically allows toddlers to marry with parental consent. I’m not sure if this is in some way connected to the fact that Michael Jackson just moved to Little Rock. (Jake Novak)

A California bill would make it a misdemeanor for law enforcement of court employees to release pictures of celebrities in jail. Web sites will just have to rely on celebrities’ sex videos for compromising photos. (Jim Barach)

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson has ordered the state to resume its medical marijuana program. Apparently he is courting the California vote in his run for the presidency. (Jim Barach)


A lady military supplier who bilked the Pentagon out of $20.5 million in overcharges, including a million dollars for two 19-cent washers, has pleaded guilty to fraud and financial conspiracy. How stupid is the Pentagon? If they’d bought a third washer, they would have gotten the fourth one free. (Gorsefeathers)

Army Lt. Col. Steven Jordan, who has gone on trial for atrocities committed at Abu Ghraib Prison, claims he’s a scapegoat. He has a point. The strongest evidence against him is the Sears Die Hard traced to his Humvee that was used to wire that inmate’s testicles. (Bob Mills)

In just three weeks, General David Petraeus is scheduled to deliver his long awaited report on the Iraq surge. Will he say it’s a success, thus vindicating the White House? Or will he say it’s a failure, which somehow also will vindicate the White House? (Jon Stewart)


The Coast Guard halted a mini-sub in the Pacific Tuesday that was hauling three hundred and fifty million dollars in cocaine. It couldn’t go unnoticed. The chick magnet in the cargo hold was causing Los Angeles blondes to run into the ocean like grunion. (Argus Hamilton)

The Phoenix Police Department confirmed a report Friday saying the Iraq war is running the country out of bullets needed by police. That’s the bad news. The good news is for the first time in years it’s safe to change lanes on the San Diego Freeway. (Argus Hamilton)


An internal study by the CIA reveals that the CIA mishandled information that could have stopped the terrorist attacks of September 11th . Another inside CIA study reveals that this study by the CIA was also mishandled by the CIA. (Alex Kaseberg)

A top Taliban commander said Al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden is alive. Apparently Obama was seen shooting another video, a question for the Youtube GOP presidential debate. (Pedro Bartes)


CIA and FBI computers have been traced as editing Wikipedia entries about Iraq and Guantanamo Bay. Usually those computers are reserved for editing scripts for Fox News. (Jim Barach)


NASA is considering ending the Shuttle Endeavor’s mission a day early. The space agency thinks it’s wise to separate the astronauts before they get so attached that they start stalking each other’s lovers when they get back home. (Jake Novak)

NASA cut short by one day the mission of the space shuttle Endeavour in order to avoid Hurricane Dean. And also to insure that the astronauts would be able to attend a celebration in Lexington, Kentucky marking the 150th anniversary of Southern Comfort. (Bob Mills)

A former NASA worker has admitted to embezzling $157,000 from the agency. Actually, he accidentally walked out with an official government issued NASA pen (Jim Barach)

The Space Shuttle Endeavor landed safely back on Earth Tuesday afternoon. The astronaut debriefing is being held at happy hour at Mel’s Bar and Grill in downtown Houston. (Jake Novak)


A CNN report reveals that Iraqi women are turning to prostitution to feed their families, some for as little as $8 dollars a day. To show you how bad it is, last month these women put 200 camels out of business. (Alex Kaseberg)


China and Russia played war games together Friday against an imaginary outside attack. It didn’t go well. China had to apologize when it was discovered one of the missiles they would have fired at the United States contained lead in the fuselage. (Argus Hamilton)

Today Chinese officials recalled 1 million tons of lead because it may contain toys. (Jay Leno)

Senator Chris Dodd called for a ban on imports from Chinese toy companies that have lead in their products. The hazard is very real. What makes these Chinese toys so dangerous is that children eat the lead paint and then an hour later they’re hungry for it again. (Argus Hamilton)

A workers’ rights group that is based in the United States says that it found “brutal conditions” in eight Chinese toy plants. Unfortunately, the workers are still safer than the American children who play with those toys. (Jake Novak)

State media in China reports that eight kilograms of radioactive uranium have gone missing in the country. Chinese authorities are asking American parents to check if their kids have grown an extra limb or something similar after they played with some toys. (Pedro Bartes)

Bowing to safety concerns, a Chinese manufacturer recalled 14 million “Poison Me Elmo” toys. (Andy Borowitz)

Chinese Toy Industry Association head Li Zhuoming blamed Mattel’s cheap pricing requests for the lead in China’s exported toys. It’s still a totalitarian country. Every Chinese industry official has a framed picture of Dick Cheney on his office wall. (Argus Hamilton)


Hurricane Dean plowed into the Caribbean coast of Mexico on Tuesday heading for the ancient Mayan ruins and modern oil installations of the Yucatan Peninsula. During a meeting in Canada president Bush said the US won’t give Mexico any money to fix the Mayan ruins because they were already ruined. (Pedro Bartes)

Venezuela’s legislature rubber-stamped President Hugo Chavez’s constitutional reforms Tuesday and now he can run unopposed as long as he lives. He may be president for life. If we liberate one more oil country we could be running our cars on manure. (Argus Hamilton)


A Frenchman, Anselme Cote, is building the world’s fastest moving sidewalk capable of up to seven-miles-an-hour; it started as a French military project to develop a faster way to retreat. (Alex Kaseberg)


Vladimir Putin sent Russia’s strategic bombers on long-range patrol Friday for the first time since the fall of the Soviet Union. He’s trying to send a message to the United States. President Bush just does not return calls when he’s on vacation. (Argus Hamilton)

The Belgrade Zoo confirmed Tuesday a drunk from a nearby beer festival climbed into a bear cage, where the bear promptly ate him. You know the rest. Less than an hour later the bear was popped on Sunset Boulevard for driving with his headlights off. (Argus Hamilton)


The U. N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are working hard, around the clock to do nothing about it. (David Letterman)


The Federal Reserve cut interest rates Friday to try to calm the wildly swinging stock market. The bottom fell out of the mortgage lending business. Now that the dust has settled the most financially solvent people in the country are the homeless. (Argus Hamilton)

Two hundred miles off the coast of New Orleans the largest oil reserve is believed to have been discovered. It could increase our reserves by 50 percent and be worth over $15 billion. This reserve could cut the price of gas by a penny! (Jay Leno)

Wall Street took investors on a scary roller coaster ride on Thursday. There’s good reason for the jitters. Wall Street was not happy to find out that the reason consumer spending is holding up so well is that nobody’s making their mortgage payment. (Argus Hamilton)


Scientists at U. C. Davis have discovered that ground squirrels possess the ability to increase the temperature of their tails by as much as 12%. Big deal, Manhattan’s call girls can do twice that. (Bob Mills)

Scary news today. Jellyfish are going nuts in Florida. Four hundred people over the weekend were stung by jellyfish. Did you know that jellyfish have no brains? None. They’re like the Baldwins of the sea. (Craig Ferguson)


A new sex study by “The New England Journal of Medicine” said that people between the ages of 70 and 80 are pretty active sexually. It is quite confusing though, when your partner screams “Oh God, Oh God!” you don’t know if they are enjoying it or really seeing God because they are dying. (Pedro Bartes)


Hurricane Dean slammed into Mexico Wednesday after blowing through the Yucatan the night before with one hundred mile-an-hour winds. The damage was unexpectedly light. More Mexicans lost their homes that day to adjustable rate mortgages in Tucson. (Argus Hamilton)

Did you see that horrible rain storm in New York City? The flooding was so bad Hillary Clinton had to switch from a pantsuit to a wet suit. (Jay Leno)

It is raining so much in New York, three Yankee pitchers accidentally floated back to Cuba. (Alex Kaseberg)

It has been raining so much in New York, the New York Knick’s Stephon Marbury has declared drowning dogs a sport. (Alex Kaseberg)

How about those storms in Chicago? It was so windy that during the Bears pre-season training camp, one of Rex Grossman’s passes was actually blown into the hands of a receiver. (Alex Kaseberg)


Fox announced that the host of the Super Bowl is Ryan Seacrest. Fox better hope that San Francisco and Miami make the Super Bowl because those are the only cities with enough gay people who will watch Ryan Seacrest host a Super Bowl. (Alex Kaseberg)

Michael Vick agreed to a plea deal for arranging dog fights Monday, prompting concerns for his safety in prison. He will be confined in a prison full of felons who loved their dogs. The dog was the only member of the family who was always glad to see them. (Argus Hamilton)

Michael Vick admitted Monday that he executed under-performing fight dogs and buried the dogs on his property. He’s lucky it was in Virginia. In California he could have been executed for breaking ground without filing an environmental impact report. (Argus Hamilton)

David Beckham scored and had an assist in the LA Galaxy’s 2-0 win over DC United, but in front of only 12,000 fans in Carson, CA. If this keeps up, the $250 mil Beckham could prove to be the worst investment in sports since the Atlanta Falcons launched a Michael Vick doggie sweater. (Alex Kaseberg)

The New York Knick’s Stephon Marbury defended Michael Vick by declaring dog fighting a sport; What the hell does Marbury know about sports? He doesn’t even play on a real team, he plays for the freakin’ Knicks. (Alex Kaseberg)

According to a poll conducted by afteradult.com, the favorite male athletes among gays are David Beckham and Brady Quinn. Favorite among lesbians is Ann Coulter. (Bob Mills)

A study by the University of Texas says that baseball umpires make more favorable calls to pitchers who are of the same race. So after all these years it good to know that umpires aren’t really blind, just racist. (Jim Barach)

Bill Murray was arrested in Sweden Monday for driving drunk on a Stockholm street in a golf cart. He was sloppy. The cops would have let him go but he forgot to bring his card identifying himself as a member of the original cast of Saturday Night Live. (Argus Hamilton)

The Little League World Series is requiring anyone born after 1956 to show immunization records to prevent the spread of measles. 1956? Just who is checking the players’ IDs these days? (Jim Barach)

Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy struck a deal Monday to name twenty other NBA referees who broke the league’s gambling rules. The refs could all lose their jobs. The good news is they already have their work clothes for their new jobs with Foot Locker. (Argus Hamilton)

NBA referee Tim Donaghy agreed to name twenty other NBA referees who gamble on basketball. He admitted giving inside gambling tips to loan sharks. Without his help, the mortgage lending business would have folded long before last week’s collapse. (Argus Hamilton)

NBA referee Tim Donaghy pleaded guilty in Brooklyn court Wednesday to gambling on NBA games and admitted in court that he’s a gambling junkie. He’s particularly addicted to the game of Chinese roulette. He loves to take his kids shopping for toys. (Argus Hamilton)

Barry Bonds reacted furiously Monday to pitcher Curt Schilling saying that Bonds cheated at baseball, cheated on his taxes and cheated on his wife. The slugger hired attorneys to take him to court. Tattling’s a crime in San Francisco. (Argus Hamilton)


NBC may be forced to cancel its new fall series “Bionic Woman,” before it premieres. Apparently, the star is experiencing serious problems with her Chinese-made electronic body parts. (Jake Novak)

Disney’s “High School Musical 2” is setting major viewing records across the country. Mostly because it’s the first thing in years marketed to children that’s not made with poisonous Chinese raw materials. (Jake Novak)

A psychology professor at U.C. Davis has completed a study of what makes movies hits. His research says the common factor is not giving parts to Kevin Costner or Madonna. (Jim Barach)

The invasion movie comes out this weekend. It’s a remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” a classic science fiction movie. In the 1950s movies, all the aliens would come down with their powerful weapons and threaten the American way of life. Of course it was all a metaphor for communism, because everyone at that time was scared of the Soviets. We thought the Russians were drunk on power. Turns out they were just drunk. (Craig Ferguson)


A Cook County judge has upheld a ruling allowing the media and public to view a videotape allegedly showing singer R. Kelly having sex with an underage girl. Immediately after the news, Court TV became the most watched channel on American TV. (Pedro Bartes)

CNN’s Anderson Cooper says he’s “mildly dyslexic” and learned to read watching Sesame Street. He wasn’t that great with numbers, either, constantly miscounting the zeros on his trust fund checks. (Bob Mills)


There’s a report Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan may appear together in a TV reality show. Meanwhile, scientists have issued a warning: Gathering the Earth’s three leading airheads in the same place at the same time could cause an astro physical vortex that sucks in all the planets and destroys the universe. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

Nicole Richey was let out after just serving just 82 minutes in jail. They decided to let her out when they saw that Nicole could just walk out of her cell in between the bars. (Alex Kaseberg)

Earlier this year, there was a strange story about Keith Richards. He claims he once snored a mixture of cocaine and his dead father’s ashes. That was the story, but he denied it. Now, though, he’s saying he did snort his dad; he did not mix him with some cocaine. He only snorted his dad. Stars. They’re just like us. (Jimmy Kimmel)

Paris Hilton has introduced her new line of clothing. Hollywood was shocked. Paris Hilton wears clothes? Apparently the hit of her new line was the custom tailored orange jump suit. Apparently the hit of her new line was the custom tailored orange jump suit. The name of the new Paris Hilton clothing line is “Skank’s of Beverly Hills.” (Jim Barach)

Steven Seagal says an FBI probe ruined his film career. That and the fact that people quit going to see his films. (Jim Barach)

Steven Seagal wants the FBI to apologize for the investigation of some of his associates that he says has hurt his career. But the Bureau says its investigation has nothing to do with the fact that everyone in Hollywood knows he can’t act. (Jake Novak)

The ’80s rock band Van Halen announced that they are reuniting for their first tour with David Lee Roth in 20 years. The band says they would have reunited with David sooner, but up until now, they weren’t desperate enough. (Conan O’Brien)

Britney Spears reportedly was heard telling her kids that they were “mistakes.” She actually was telling them it was a mistake for her to let them drive after they had already been drinking. Britney has been making a lot of mistakes lately. Marrying Kevin Federline, forgetting her panties, having to go to rehab. (Jim Barach)

Britney Spears in trouble again. Yesterday Britney Spears was involved in a fender bender. Fortunately, her kids weren’t in the car at the time. Unfortunately, they were strapped to the roof. (Conan O’Brien)

In a recent interview, Paris Hilton says 20 tour buses a day come by her house. Paris says the other guys come by foot, horse back, or via aircraft carrier. (Conan O’Brien)

Don Imus got a twenty million dollar settlement from CBS Radio after CBS fired him for using hip-hop slang to describe women. He got twenty million for saying the word ho over and over. Santa Claus just announced he wants to renegotiate his contract. (Argus Hamilton)


A Catholic Church in Wisconsin is giving a tuition break to kids whose families attend mass regularly. Apparently it’s the only way to get altar boys back into the parishes. (Jim Barach)

Wiley S. Drake, former head of the Southern Baptist Conference has asked his followers to pray for the death of his critics. Even Pat Robertson says that one was a bit over the top. (Jim Barach)


US News & World Report ranks Princeton the top US college with Harvard not far behind. Bottom feeders included Pauly Shore’s Traffic School in Encino, the Rhyman School of Bartending and that ersatz Jerry Falwell law school that all those Bush-appointed Justice Department retards matriculated from. (Bob Mills)


Graceland held a candlelight march Friday to mark the thirtieth anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death. The vigil included thousands of Elvis impersonators in white jumpsuits and black pompadours. They all agreed that Elvis Presley was one of a kind. What a singer and lover and superstar. It’s just a reminder that we need to appreciate Bill Clinton while we’ve still got him. (Argus Hamilton)


Mattel Toys has been forced to recall nine million toys made by the company’s Chinese manufacturing plant due to tainted plastic. Chinese noodles could be next. Three restaurants in Los Angeles were shut down last night for serving Lead Fu Yung. (Argus Hamilton)

Wal-Mart announced they’re coming out with their own brand of wine. Wal-Mart’s wine comes in red or white, as well as 12- or 16-ounce cans. (Conan O’Brien)

3 responses to “WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 08-25-07

  1. This is the best way to follow the news.

  2. Phewwww !!! That’s a lot of quotes for a day. Eh?

    Haha.. Sorry haven’t been visiting for some time. Welcome to WordPress!

    Welcome back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s