OSAMA OF ’42!

THE ADMINISTRATION HAS WON!

So, now, it is official. Osama couldn’t be caught, couldn’t be killed, but we made him impotent! Six years after 9/11, what more could we ask for? Revenge is a dish best served cold, as some literary sleaze-burger from Sidney Sheldon or Harrold Robbins (I forget which) once claimed (though the original comment was from Star Trek II).
Imagine how deliciously ironic and imaginative this American revenge must be! The man who represents the ultimate Islamofascist rush of blood is rendered limp and dangling out on a limb.
This is, believe me, no flaccident! We have weakened him so much that all Al Qaida can now do is drop a few bombs on insignificant states like Israel (that don’t have a right to exist, anyways) and flatten a few hundred buildings and cars, that’s all! Ha, ha! We really fixed him good, eh?
As to the billions of people who have to board airplanes almost au naturale, this is the only way Governments thought they could get some exercise out of us. And also, let us not forget, some much needed sex for the middle aged and impotent, who should be considered a special, perineally challenged people called The Unhappenis Group. Airport securiosity got whatsisname in trouble. You know, the guy who was the butt of jokes last week, Craig something. And this air (port)-tightness gave birth to a new industry that manufactures baby food, laxatives and shampoos in tiny plastic bottles. All to prevent Osama from temptation. And constipation.

THE DEMOCRATS

Democrats in the US are quick to blame George Bush for losing sight of Osama in his pursuit of Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. But, wait, he did! He discovered a Weapon of Masself Destruction! And, at least, he gave bin Laden a taste of what to expect if he ever made the mistake of getting caught.
Did Bill Clinton manage to do that when Monica Lewinsky attempted to blow up the President? My old Aunt Hillary always used to say
‘One swallow does not Osama make’. Yes, it left a taste, but a taste of jealousy in the mouths of the rest of the world. They all hated the US more than ever for this Constitutional freedom to open your mouth anywhere you want.
And let us not forget the Democrats’ history of handling Islamic terrorism. Look at Jimmy Carter handling Iran and the hostage crisis way back when the terms ‘car emissions’ and ‘alarming warming’ was restricted to parking lots in University campuses. Now, you try any of that anymore, the Feds will be right at you, and the next thing you know, you are sitting right beside a Senator or something! Especially if you paid for the emission!!
Now, if Jim Carter were the President, what can you expect to have happened after 9/11?
Yeah, you got it. A couple of more plane crashes, without terrorists on board. Engine trouble. Or birdshit splattering the windshield and blinding the pilots. And the Iranians would have been planning to invade the US, not the other way around.

THE NEBULOUS LADEN

Keeping bin Laden out of custody has been vital to American interests. How else would other terrorists know how painful your life can be if the free world wants your buttocks on a plate (with potatoes and hard carrots on the side) for $50 million?

Okay, folks, enough of beating around the old bush. Or the new one. It is a non-profitable activity, like looking for Deep Throat. And I am talking Watergate here, in case you are too young to have been a hippie and all.
The US Government has circulated to its secret sleeper agents (recruited by the CIA and the NSA) a few mugshots to capture an Osama bin Laden lookalike. The funda seems to be that since Osama and his dyed beard are well and truly limping to death, it has become imperative to capture someone who looks like him to show to the world. I am circulating a few of these pics.

http://www.coloradotalent.com

img.dailymail.co.uk/ i/pix/2006/06/lizjonesST0…

chavez

pamela

My opinion is that Come September, we are sprung with the Osama of ’42. 2042. That is when he will flop out of existence. And that is longer than I hope to live! Such are the Viagaries of Life!

5 responses to “OSAMA OF ’42!

  1. Osama certainly makes a good butt of jokes…
    Today I read about some message he sent to the American people about the evils of capitalism! According to one newspaper report his message sounded exactly like a communist rant…!
    Well, if Osama and communists have something in common, we know what that something is, don’t we… 🙂
    Do you think that Osama could perhaps recruit some of our very own…together they could do good battle against Bush.

    Nita,
    Someone once said that it is easy to be a communist when you have millions of dollars. I think it was I. Or me.
    🙂

  2. The twists, turns, and puns in your post leave me exhausted, but the humor is what carries me along, to a long enjoyable and exhilarating read!

    Thanks, Mahendra!

  3. He has a speech writer in California who feeds him sound bites to chew and regurgitate. That is how he is so au fait with American sub prime crisis, loan securitisation, interest rates, ninjas and so on. Or he has mobile internet. Some mobile firm somewhere is laughing all the way to the caves with his mobile bill payments rolling in!

    S,
    Ninjas?!?
    🙂

  4. ‘Osama is impotent now’ amused me no end. Radicals are naming their children Osama because Americans are scared of Osama and Osama alone. Still “dil ke behlane ko Ghalib yeh khayal accha hai”
    I don’t know who is kidding whom.

    Thanks for the comment, Prerna!

  5. hilarious post Doc, as usual…. Nice collection of the look alikes… did you miss Ahmedinejad and the Republican Guards on purpose?? 🙂

    (my long spell of silence – had a huge piece of code/module going live, so was kinda working 24×7 … am back now…:) )

    Ah, Oemar, alas, I did! Welcome back!
    🙂

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