NO WIFE TOO MANY!

According to CNN, the political party, Pure People for Polygamy needs to be formed, as this fundamental human right is being trampled on by that most repressive country, America.

artjeffssworn.jpg

After 115 days on the FBI’s most-wanted list and a year in solitary confinement in a jail called Purgatory, the leader of the nation’s largest polygamist sect is going on trial in St. George, Utah.

Warren Steed Jeffs, 51, is the President and Prophet, Seer and Revelator of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the FLDS. He stands accused of being an accomplice to rape. The trial is in its fourth day of jury selection.

Since this gentleman is now the recipient of the best contained-care that American money can buy, I propose a successor to carry forward the glorious tradition of polygamy: me.
Here is why I think I will be best suited for the post, and why life, for me, will be more fun in Jeffsโ€™ place and a great career move:

They are forbidden to watch television or movies.

TV is not of any interest to me, but when you say no movies, I know you mean others canโ€™t watch the movies I, The Leader, do. Me, I can watch anything, but I understand that I must say ‘no movies for the flock’. Just the way Senators can be fervent family-oriented folk in public and be soliciting gay sex in toilets at the same time.

Former followers say red, thought to be the color of evil, is banned.

Red is dead, as all of us know. Pink, or green should do it for me. No probs!

Followers believe Jeffs is a prophet, a blood descendant of Jesus who receives revelations directly from God.

A problem here, I must admit. I donโ€™t care about Gods. I guess I can pretend to be one myself. Looks like these suckers will believe anything!

Under Jeffs, exiles charged, followers were taught men couldn’t get into highest level of heaven without at least three wives.

Yes, after spending a life in hell, you ought to get to Heaven. Anything less would suck more than having three discontented women fighting over who gets to do the dishes and who gets first try at the bathroom.

Women were ordered to submit to their husbands, who were their ticket to heaven.

Yes, I like this part best. Male Dominatrix (?Dominator/Dominatron?) sounds so good. A great chance to avenge the birth of Indira Gandhi, Rakhi Sawant and Britney Spears.

Disobedient wives who don’t “keep sweet” have been sent to mental institutions.

I wonder who runs these mental institutions, and in which mental institution these people are kept.
However, I prefer to keep my various wives obedient by feeding them poached eggs of the orange-headed Sumatran salamander. And by generally walking on my knees.
Come to think of it, even Warren Jeffs has ulcers on his knees!

13 responses to “NO WIFE TOO MANY!

  1. My supplier says all futures on the orange headed Sumatran salamander eggs are sold out to one Mr. Vajpayee in India. Will red, white, and blue headed American salamander eggs do, or must I be content with walking on my knees?

    TRF,
    Red is a no-no, according to the Fundamentalist Church of The Latter Day Saints!

  2. Hey Doc, is this sect into 2-way Polygamy… no no… no pun intended, I just meant if wives can have multiple husbands as well…. anyway, please post the contact number of this sects’ office. Are they hiring? Who provides the “poly”… you know… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Oemar,
    If you are a Muslim, this issue is already solved for you!! And, of course, as mere vessels for the superior sex, women need only obey orders and bear children (even if they are in their own childhood), so the question of reciprocity does not arise. Gender equality is yet another myth of the liberal kook!
    ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. The way you wrote it I wanted to laugh…but at the same time I felt something creepy go up my spine!
    Oemar, I highly doubt that women will be ‘allowed’ to keep more than one husband. That happens only in India, where a shortage of females is making brothers share a wife…without her consent ofcourse!
    Rambodoc, ridicule is the best way to put down these kind of people! Osama should take some pointers from you instead of threatening to ram planes into people! ๐Ÿ˜€ Maybe you could be a consultant to him, a consultant on non-violent protests that can at the worst make people die of a heart attack from laughing too much.


    Nita,
    Not die from heart attacks, merely sick enough to get into hospital. I can then get my 11 year old son to operate on them and try getting into the Guinness Book

  4. Nita, there is a village in Uttakhand where polyandry is prevalent. They quote Draupdi’s example to justify this. I am sure it won’t be a pleasant experience. Living with one man is torturous enough ๐Ÿ™‚
    //A great chance to avenge the birth of Indira Gandhi, Rakhi Sawant and Britney Spears.//nice try rambodoc the list doesn’t end here. I am sure more than one wife is nice to imagine, reality could be scary.
    Disobedient wives who donโ€™t โ€œkeep sweetโ€ have been sent to mental institutions.

  5. These multiple wives deserve to be in mental asylums if they are obedient.

  6. Prerna, that was a good one!

    Living with one man is torturous enough

    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Men are a lot like babies ๐Ÿ˜€ and handling even one is a tough job!
    On a more serious note, I fail to see how any woman could agree to be the second wife…or any man would want to be the second husband. How humiliating. It completely destroys the very meaning of the holy union of marriage.

  7. Whaaaa!!! Speaking for my people, this comment section is taking an ugly turn ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks to Prerna and Nita for letting me know that I will become a torturous monster after marriage ๐Ÿ™‚ ha ha ha…. waitingggggggg…..

    Doc, Muslim or not, believe me I am not ready to follow a 700 AD marriage law that says marry four woman at once… but this Warren Steed Jeffs guy appeals to me just for the heck of it…. moreover I dont think he has llimited the number of wives to four… so one more motivation…. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Oemar,

    “will become a torturous monster after marriage”//

    If not a tonsured master baiter!!
    ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. I wonder if when Jeffs is convicted he’ll have more than one “husband” in prison?

  9. All: Please stop it, will you?

    I’m about to develop HLDS (Hysterical Laughter Disorder Syndrome)!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. Good idea Paul!!!.I wonder who will be obedient to whom in such an alliance ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Pingback: THE POLYGAMIST: PART DEUX « A Twist of Word and Mind

  12. Oh…damn Godmen ! They need to be hanged !

  13. Rambodoc,

    //…avenge the birth of Indira Gandhi…//

    During the Emergency (in India, I mean) the Press Club of India, in the course of a bibulous evening, decided that the one really to blame was Raja Ram Mohun Roy — he abolished ‘sati’. So it’s ‘his’ birth that would have to be avenged.

    Vivek,
    And then we would have to go back to the original Gandhi for ensuring that British India became ‘free’!

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