“MAKE MINE LARGE, PLEASE!”

Every now and then, I read some article that compels me to expose a small portion of my vast cerebral warehouse of useless information that has done me no good in life, except to increase my blog traffic. Here is an example of the above.
Acknowledgements: I have a deep feeling of gratitude to my close friend, Dr. Mahalingam, who has kindly provided me with the analysis.

MEASUREMENT STUDIES

According to an Indian study published in The International Journal of Impotence Research:

Apprehension about the normal size of penis is a major concern for men. Aim of the present investigation is to estimate the penile length and circumference of Indian males and to compare the results with the data from other countries. Results will help in counseling the patients worried about the penile size and seeking penis enlargement surgery. Penile length in flaccid and stretched conditions and circumference were measured in a group of 301 physically normal men. Erected length and circumference were measured for 93 subjects. Mean flaccid length was found to be 8.21 cm, mean stretched length 10.88 cm and circumference 9.14 cm. Mean erected length was found to be 13.01 cm and erected circumference was 11.46 cm. Penile dimensions are found to be correlated with anthropometric parameters. Insight into the normative data of penile size of Indian males obtained. There are significant differences in the mean penile length and circumference of Indian sample compared to the data reported from other countries. Study need to be continued with a large sample to establish a normative data applicable to the general population. (sic)

Of course, if more such studies are held in India, many unemployed men will volunteer regularly and get paid for an erection (an irresistible and lucrative concept). Such studies will then be condemned for phallacious sampling error.

I do not have the full access to this article (my subscribing to this particular journal would be suspicious, would it not?), and would need to spend $30 on it. I know that the day is not far when $30 would be like the same number in Indian rupees, but I skipped it. The day you guys and gals pay me to read this blog, I will buy all Nature subscriptions.

[As an aside, if you hear someone say modestly, “Oh, I am just an average Joe”, you can assume he has measured himself in erecto flagrante to be 13 cms and possibly forgotten that there was a decimal between the 1 and the 3. In case this pertains to any of your blog intros, you know what to edit.]

What, then, has this study accomplished? For one, it got the authors the attention of a world (in)famous blogger, and raised the bar, so to speak, for others to measure up to.

Is there really some truth in the study that Indian organs are smaller than other international brands? In the 2001 Gomez study, the average erect penis length of adult men worldwide read: United States 12.9 cm, France 16 cm, Italy 15 cm, Germany 14.48 cm, Japan 13.0 cm, Saudi Arabia 12.4 cm, Brazil 12.4 cm, India 10.2 cm and South Korea 9.6 cm.

Indian or, at least, Keralite men now seem to be in the same league of nations, and this should be some comfort to the citizens of this beleaguered nation.

Measurement studies have some inherent problems:
* Those who measure themselves and report the numbers have always given more generous figures than those who have been measured by others.
* The best way to measure erect penile length is by injecting papaverine into the spongy tissue of the penis. Many studies have not done so.
* The ambience in which the study has been conducted has a bearing on the results, as full erection would be unlikely when the candidate is uncomfortable or shy.
For these reasons, several studies have had low scientific value.

MYTHS:

* Demographically, the concept that African men have longer penises is said to be a myth.

* There is no relation between your nose or hand and your penis size. I mean this if said body parts are not in anatomical contiguity or continuity.

* There is weak statistical correlation between shoe size and Junior’s size (who would have thought of this?). It is said that the penis and limb development both stem from the COX HOX gene, and so they are related. “Grief! Now they measure penis size in feet?” I thought, alarmed. A recent study, thankfully, contradicted this hypothesis.

*Longer is better: not so, unless you a) belong to Sex and the City, b) are a pretty size queen, or c) are gay (not always). Women prefer thicker organs, which lead to more clitoral stimulation. That said, there is a definite role for the stimulation of the cervix or the vaginal fornices (the T or A Spots) in some women in achieving orgasm. In these women, a longer penis would be more full filling.

FEELING SMALL?

A penis less than seven centimeters (stretching just over two inches) that is otherwise normal is called a micropenis. Some of these men may benefit from those dreadful growth hormone brands whose vendors are priority customers of your Spam Folder.
The penis size may be lengthened by phalloplasty operations that divide the deep ligaments attaching the organ to the pubic bones and add another two to three centimeters to it.
Silicone or PMMA injections may increase penile girth up to 900% and may be the secret behind the magnificent endowment of male porn stars.

However, apparently, there is no opposite disease of excess!