Hello. Meet my new cell–mate: Anil. He works in a small cell phone company. You know, those companies that bill you for those times you keep saying ‘hello, hello? Damn network!‘? He also runs the marathon, and plays the stock market a bit. Just a wee bit. Getting along in life, get the picture? Sitting next to him: Me.
About the latter: Does not work in a cell phone company. Does not run anywhere. A younger and (arguably) sexier ass than Anil’s does not, somehow, help achieve that kind of mobility. Keeps saying “hello, hello?” to a lot of the PYTs that swarm over him like flies over
crap honey. In the stock market, Me was once found looking at other customers more than the listings of the scrips. Obvious neophyte, obvious looser-blogger.
The two of us are going to be cell mates in Tihar Jail, where India’s most notorious criminals and high profile legal guests are hosted by the State. Only that Anil does not know it. I have my side of things planned to a nicety. I will commit a nice little crime, like posting Sardarji jokes in this blog, and get arrested for hurting the sentiments of the poor Punjabis, just like Anil. Alternatively, I will solicit to do surgery on a well known Sardarji like Daler Mehendi, and remove the wrong testicle during a complex brain operation, thereby getting arrested. Clearly, the Court will be bowled by my legal No Ball! Arresting news this will make, too!!
Once in Tihar, Anil and I will be mates (I will arrange that, with my contacts in Cellular Jail).
Now, you, dear reader, must be wondering why I am plotting the destruction of my own career to become the cellmate of an Anil. And why he will be jail-bound. Wonder on!
I wish to take some stock tips from Anil. [Aside:Talking of which, I would be willing to share the same cell with his chauffeur as well, in case it is proven that Anil’s chauffeur, and not Anil, was actually responsible for sending dirty, ethnicentric SMS-jokes over the Reliance network.] Even if I make small change, it will be a few million dollars. After this, I plan to retire and spend my time in leisure. You know, like going to all the doctors’ conferences and looking these hard working asses in the eye and shouting “HA!” at them, before getting swept off in a BMW (notice how controlled my greed is, that I have no wish for further elevation and prosperity) by a couple of young but well-inflated girls with
blond teeth, blond hair. As an Ambani, he has the qualifications to give me some advice. I shall certainly try to accomodate his. After all, “India mein muft ki advice bahut milti hai” (In India, you get a lotta free advice- an ad line of a popular cell phone ad of Reliance Mobile).
I know, you want to give me worshipping looks, saying, “What an Idea, Sirjee!”
So, here is my part of the bargain. Enjoy a couple of these Sardarji jokes, and get more at one of the many sites in Planet Google:
Click here for more.
Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific.
Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Gulati : “Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don’t know who U are?. I can’t compete with a world champion”
Gary : “How about if I play left handed ?”
Gulati : [Think.. Think..] “OK!”
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves… and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.
Gulati : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed…
Manpreet : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
* * *
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: “Can I take this train to Ludhiana?”.
“No,” answers the Railway man.
“Can I?” asks Gani Singh.
Oye, Chak de phatte, yaaru!