AS THE CALENDAR CHANGED…

Happy New Year!
Look at a couple of last year’s New Year cartoons first, before I get to the beef.
(Actually I couldn’t find any relevant cartoons for 2008, so I am making it look as if I am being very reflective and wise, which I am often mistaken to be. On most of these occasions, the truth is I made an attempt at humor that fell flatter than Kangana Ranaut’s chest.)

cartoon486.jpg
(source: http://www.faithmouse.com)

cartoon20061227.gif
(source:http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/dayart/20061227/cartoon20061227.gif)

Many of the world’s deservingly unsung characters were doing one of the following (or other):
1. Vomiting on someone’s car tyre, shoes, floor, commode (most likely), etc.
2. Close dancing with partner while getting furtively felt up by sozzled neighbor in the dance floor.
3. Shouting ‘YAY’ or whatever passes for language on New Year’s Eve. Of course, I forgot, shouting ‘HAPPEE NEW YEAARR!’ as of this is the first time in human history that mankind has witnessed such an occasion.
4. Spending the night cleaning the vomit on the shirt of a drunk teenager brought to the Hospital Emergency after a car crash, if you are a nurse like our Jackie or ER doc-on-call.
5. Getting bribed super-extra because of the occasion and the urgency of the law-breaker to go on, if you are a traffic cop.
6. Watching TV shows where others are celebrating New Year’s is like watching others eat a gourmet dinner and burping vicariously at the sight. Surely, a loser’s gambit.
7. Romantically catching up with one’s partner in a car park, and providing lip service to commitment, something that always seems to open up a woman’s cross-legged position. Correction: I am informed that this is not the norm anymore. It seems the word ‘commitment’ causes the crossing of legs and eyes these days, and Natural Selection (and Unnatural Erection) is preferred to parental trial and error in the gambler’s market of choosing a partner.
8. Partying-hopping: where it is fashionable to keep making the host feel as if he is a modern low-life you have elevated to socially acceptable form by coming. You know, when the guest comes in late, holds a drink and says ‘Hellooo‘ to a variety of animals in pants, before looking at the watch and saying, “I am sorry, but I have to rush. I have four other parties to go to!”
9. Earning in crores, if you were Bipasha Basu, or similar. But then, she is not an unsung character, not after ‘Beedi Jalailay’ (an item song: download here).
10. Reporting drunk for duty and trying to escape scrutiny, if you were an Indian pilot.

Clearly, ‘HNY’ is like the world’s menstrual cycle, only annual. Why don’t people realise that? Simple: marketing and media, the twins responsible for 24% of the follies committed by modern man (the other 76% is due to politicians, environmentalists and cricket fans). Without them, New Year’s Celebrations would be as damp as Paris Hilton’s underpants (when she chooses to wear ’em). And as unworthy of mention as a fall in the Dow Jones’ Index or the once-almighty Dollar.
Every year-end, I get this feeling of ‘let’s go here’, or ‘let’s go there’ for the ultimate party and, every year, I end up going nowhere. On the occasions that I have managed to go to some party or the other, I have ended up feeling better off elsewhere: “anything but this“.
This year end, I did not trouble myself with useless choice. I behaved like a nun. I went into my habit of sleeping over a problem.
How did you spend New Year’s Eve?

29 responses to “AS THE CALENDAR CHANGED…

  1. hey how did u get the list of things tht i did!!

  2. hey doc saheb,
    HNY….
    how you arrived at 24% — 76% thing…no links provided.. πŸ˜‰
    and it didn’t fell flatter than kangana’s ……

  3. Spend the Eve, working. I hate drunk people with firecrackers.

    Happy New Year!

  4. Ah, I thought you forgot the activity most of us opt for, but you didn’t.
    I know what I did when the year emerged. Woke up to the noise of fire crackers and took the little one to the toilet.
    To get more philosophic, the starting point is every point in a circle. Every year is new year, if we so choose it.
    So, wish you a happy new year every day this year.

  5. Speaking of calendars. Was looking for your first posts. I stopped in July. Any shortcuts?

  6. Flatter than Kangana Ranaut’s chest, Lol that was one of the best jokes I ever heard.

    Happy New Year, doc..and I spent my new year in style. I watched [rather slept] through Milla Jovovich blasting people off in Resident Evil. It totally sucks when your friend likes horror movies better than the American Pie’s and you’re stuck in his house and he has the control over the remote.

  7. LOL Aniche! Thanks for the chuckle!

    Happy New Year, Doc! I don’t care what the Chinese intelligence services say about you and those six smuggled Hong Kong starlets you were trying to pass off to customs as your personal nurse corps, I’m so very glad I met you this past year and I wish you a mighty dose of happiness, peace, and prosperity to be taken daily.

    By the way, thank you for the help you gave me with my blog and especially for the challenging and insightful comments you’ve made!

  8. Lakshmi, Ish, Aniche, and Anuragsaurabh,
    Thanks for the comments.
    Paul,
    Thank you. I will continue to do so in Cafe Philos.
    Purnima,
    I started blogging in May. I shifted to WordPress in September, I think. So, you MAY choose to review all of the stuff till then. Not before!

  9. Happy New Year to you Rdoc. πŸ™‚

  10. Happy New Year Doc!

  11. Rambodoc thanks for the tip! Took me 3 hours but it’s working.

    Also, I never thought I would say this to a man:

    I finally found out about your past sins. I think we should stay together.

  12. Happy New Year doc and everyone. On holiday for a while. Much trouble reading except here and there. Reading should not be done in 30 second increments. Perhaps that’s why these busy bodies don’t read much πŸ™‚
    Wanted very much to respond to some posts, but hard to carve out any time from these hyperactive people living in warmer climes. Warm climate = heat = increased molecular movement = spastic people!
    Very disturbed when I read your post about possibly not blogging, but I see you are, still. I say do it if you have something to say, and the heck with it when you are busy.
    Cannot wait to go home; will be awhile yet but trying to keep up with my beloved cadre of talented bloggers so I won’t fall too far behind.
    Starting to feel like a penned up tiger here, and desperately miss the austere, slow, low population place I call home.
    Will leap out of this enclosure soon, but I won’t like, maul anyone. Promise!
    Oh yes, topic at hand….New years’ Day—spent the night watching something gawd-awful on TV -See? Don’t even remember it!
    –After an all day activity fest with local denizens. Fell asleep before the alcoholic toast started, only to be awakened by firecrackers going off all night. (Kids, get off my lawn, LOL!)
    Today, more football (American) and whatever these hyperactive people drag, er invite me to.
    New years day is just another day to me, but I like its secular nature, so I use it as an excuse to send out greetings and remove bad addresses from my contacts. Don’t forget, Chinese Lunar New Year, known as Tet to the Viets, falls on Feb 7, so it ain’t over. Year of the Rat, folks.
    Take care all, I enjoy reading your comments and esp my fave bloggers. Thanks to you.

  13. hey doc πŸ™‚ ur on the dashboard …. again
    nicely put
    happy new yr to u too
    hope u had a good nights sleep bcause that is what u most miss due to ur lazy schedule(from a prev post)

    Me, i partied hard with my buddies and yes i had my share of babysitting a younger friend who insisted on having one to may but hey it wasnt that bad thankfully cause he slept like a log after that

  14. :_( in hindsight, im sorry about poor punctuation

  15. Purnima:
    Wonderfool! But are you past the legal age limit (8 years) to do that? πŸ™‚
    Jackie:
    Welcome back. Was missing ya!
    Nita, AD, Prax:
    HNY, thanks!

  16. RDoc,

    Totally agree with you here. I’m sick of all the HNY planning that people indulge in. The only thing that changes is the calendar. That’s one of the reasons I vehemently protest against New Year’s resolutions.

    I played a nice game of Scrabble with my boyfriend and went off to sleep. And it was the best New Year’s Eve ever. So many of my friends in Calcutta go to all kinds of stupid club parties. I couldn’t and still don’t understand that concept.

  17. Rambodoc, legal things are just a formality and age limits are so out dated. get hip!

    (note to self: stop before you start to sound freakish)

  18. Vivek Khadpekar

    Purnima:

    All of the following in less than 24 hours! If you will pardon my curiosity, what did you imbibe on NYE?

    //Spend the Eve, working. I hate drunk people with firecrackers.//

    //Was looking for your first posts. I stopped in July.//

    //I never thought I would say this to a man: I finally found out about your past sins. I think we should stay together.//

    //Rambodoc, legal things are just a formality and age limits are so out dated. get hip!//

    //(note to self: stop before you start to sound freakish)//

  19. Vivek,
    Stop it! She is a blog virgin, and I am so fond of her.
    πŸ™‚
    Purnima,
    You won’t freak me out, don’t worry!
    πŸ˜‰
    Ruhi,
    Thanks. Of all the things to do with your boyfriend, playing scrabble?!

  20. Rambodoc, phieww… does that mean… oh the bliss!

    Vivek,

    You know they say it’s dangerous to be curious but if you insist: Pom Granade Juice – its effects should not be underestimated!

  21. // Watching TV shows where others are celebrating New Year’s is like watching others eat a gourmet dinner and burping vicariously at the sight. Surely, a loser’s gambit.// This would be a better option after what happened in Mumbai on new year’s eve outside Marriot hotel. Happy New Year everybody.

  22. What about those poor little chaps and chappies who were woken up at midnight from a peaceful slumber with phone messages and calls from people who wanted to urgently wish them a HNY. As if the new year couldn’t wait till next morn.. Sigh…
    And all those comparisons you use..haha, priceless.

  23. Prerna,
    You should also loosen up, and have some of Purnima’s grenade juice!
    πŸ™‚
    Usha:
    I swear! Imagine sending sms-es at 12 am…, as if this were the best thing to do at that exact hour!

  24. Like I said a terrible, terrible man!

    πŸ™‚ granade juice is yummy tough.

  25. Purnima, you funny baby! My kinda girl. Uh, for concrete types like myself, what is granade juice? Pomegranate? A hip new drink? Something terrorists drink πŸ™‚ – altho granade is misspelled, but I don’t think spelling is their strong suit :-)))).

  26. Oh yeah, happy new year all; yada yada yada :-). You cranksters will be happy to know that I made a half hearted resolutions list (meant to be more funny than serious) and reneged before I was held accountable, responsible 1/1/2008. The law sez I have 30 days or something to back out of any contract/commitment, so I did! Ha!

  27. Jackie:
    Ha, ha! All the rest of the resolution makers renege on the contract without even being conscious of it.

  28. Rambodoc:

    “Imagine sending sms-es at 12 am…”

    On a pedantic note, 12 is the ‘m’ in ‘am’ and ‘pm’ – is it not? So 12 can be either noon or midnight but never am or pm.

    Amazingly I see – except BBC – this mistake being made in the broadsheets, by other news channels and of course, many, many people.

  29. Shefaly, but the moment you say ’12 am’ it already ante meridian, is it not?
    Jokes apart, of course you are correct. Thanks for pointing it out.

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