On the occasion of India’s famous and historic victory over Australia in the Commonwealth Series today, we interviewed some celebrities. We reproduce their comments.
Eye yam verry happy begauze we played fentastick krickett. Jay baarut madha kee?!
I am so happy… I am hungry for maaki..we showed what a roti team they have. Never a
daalbaal mo(ve)ment in Oz…We taught them not to twist our tails. By the way, let me introduce you to my new girlfriend, Simian….
It is all because we have changed our styles. I mean our hair styles. Look at us. We are united in our diversity: from Sehwag to Ishant Sharma….
I shouldered the responsibility of catching Dhoni when he dived at the ball deflecting off Hayden’s bat. Now I am sore we are all going to have a big insider party. You can always have Reliance on us. Oil will be well! You know, at our parties, the chips are blue and triangular and taken off the same old block. Bingo!
On this great occasion, we will give the cricketers a grand party in Delhi. At Rashtrapati Bhavan we will give them farmer status. Therefore they can expect our banks to loan them Rs.100,000 crores at low interests which we will wave off before the next general elections. If the Finance Minister does not do this, I will commit suicide.
(Mr. Pawar, because he has had jaw surgery, sounds as if he is chewing a pound of cotton in his mouth).
We notice the agricultural shots Dhoni keeps making. He gives the opponents a run for their money, just like I make taxpayers run for their money. As Mr. Pawar said, once the loans are waved off by our Madam’s hand, the stock prices of the PSU banks like SBI will collapse. Our farmer cricketers can then buy these shares and capitalise on the returns. Of course, we will also return after the said election, if there is anything left to return to.
It is all bikaas of Sachin. He is a true Ma(ha)rathi, and therefore a true Indian. We will celebrate in style tumaarow. We will thrash up all the Bihari taxi wallahs in Mumbai, unless they can bat like Sachin. But don’t lick this out, as the fun will be lost if they run away before this.
We are totally against the Commonwealth. We are for common poverty. We want everyone to reflect the misery that the US nuclear deal makes us feel. As far as the cricketers are concerned, we will felicitate the left handed players like Sourav, Sourav and Sourav with plots of land in the desert, er, I mean, in Nandigram. We are also keen to encourage our cricketers to take up farming and
agitcultureagriculture. We will grant them 123 liters of a new insecticide we are giving all our formersfarmers in Bangall, called Genocide. We give this without Mamata, but with kshamata. With Genocide, our enemies have nowhere to Hyde, you know.