A CRUSHING MOVE IN BLOGGING HISTORY

I have watched with a certain degree of perplexity this tagging business in Blogsville. I have previously been tagged by Shefaly, Nita, Mahendra and Prerna, but I escaped most of the time by procrastinating. If you notice, most of them are ladies. We men are trapped in a world that is controlled by women. Publish or perish. Well, I tried and tried, but I got cornered by another one by Purnima, a delightfully candid girl whose moods fluctuate slightly according to the lunar cycle.
I decided to quash this tagging phenomenon forever. By writing one so crushingly odious and torturous that people will sputter (or is it splutter?) into their pink champagnes whenever they think of tagging me.
So, ladies and laddas, here is the ultimate tag-crusher.
No takers, mind it!!

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Race.

2. What book are you currently reading?
None. After my failed efforts to read the Holy Koran (seriously), The Kike Runner, The Shamesake and sundry dirty books, and after my successful entry into modern gym-toned studhood, I am more looker than booker.

3. Favorite board game?
Overboard. Especially when it comes to favorite women and favorite food.

4. Favorite magazine?
Mad.

5. Favorite smells?
Babies after their bath and powder. Food and ovulating women in heat cooking in the kitchen. Please forgive me if my pun tuation is not up to the mark here.

6. Favorite sounds?
Purnima: Baby laughter.
Me: Ditto. Babes laughing, too.

7. Worst feeling in the world?
P: Being deprived from internet and having to choose between loved ones.
Me: Being deprived of love and a clean bathroom, not necessarily in the same order, and having to choose between love and internet.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
P: I need to pee.
Me: I check my mail. Which makes me want to P.

9. Favorite fast food place?
She: Don’t really like fast food. Call me a snob!
Me: I treat food and sex in the same platform: the preparation must be fast, the consumption must be slow. And the place: anyplace that is unaffordable.

10. Future child’s name?
She: girl- Raja, Rajinder, Rukhsana.
Me: I am generally not informed by the mothers, for some reason.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?”
She: Invest it. Seems logic right?
Me: Use hundred-rupee bills to freak out in vests made out of them.
Not of much better use these days with inflation and taxation taking off most of my marginal income.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
She: He’s an animal alright … the stuffed part is what troubles me.
Me: Some like being staffed before being stuffed. Not me. The only stuffed animals I know are for eating, not sleeping with.

13. Storms: cool or scary?
She: If we have to believe Ella, neither. I stick with Jazzy!
Me: See, I told you she was a little, you know? I don’t even know if that was Inglees, our official language.

14. Favorite drinks?
The nectar of earned love. A drop of honest sweat (mostly my own). A chilled glass of ON. A 21 year-old, unearned single malt.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?

She: Write all the novels I have dancing around in my head, cut my toenails, clean my room, answer all my emails, update my blog, tell Lallopallo one more time I adore him, save the world, solve world famine, paint my room, finish the books I still have to read, go to the barber.
Me: I would settle for the barber: it takes a lot of time to grow hair these days.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
I am not sure if this is a loaded question that actually means “Do you eat the stem on Brocco Lee?”
To which my answer would be in the negative.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
First, you grow the hair. If that miracle actually happens, you love any color you get.

18. Name all the different cities you have lived in?
Sin City, Perspica City, Menda City, Tena City.

19. Favorite sport to watch?
She: Chess.
He: I agree. Provided the contestants are Communist Party leaders and the audience is allowed to throw eggs at the contestants for every wrong move.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?

She: What I say? They are horrible, horrible people! Horrible I tell you!
Me: She was dropped on the head when she was so little, so it’s not her fault. And she paints well, too.

21. What’s under your bed?
I believe that a bed defines a man: some have baggage with them. Mine is solid. The only thing beneath is the floor, which is a trifle slippery, though.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?

She: Yes, again again and again.
Me: Here I disagree. Never again will I be born thus. I would like to be reborn as an American President. That way, you don’t need to get things right all the time. People will still treat you as the last word in success and want to be reborn internally and eternally as you.

23. Favorite place to relax?
She: Beach, next to, under or on top of a loved one.
Me: I couldn’t better that answer. Mountain. As also a good city moment of success.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
She: Ugh I don’t even know what that means… I think it’s not good for a girl to say she’s easy let alone over easy so I stick with Sunny side up!
Me: Whether in the stock market, the bed or the kitchen, a roll-over is crucial to a successful climax. The upside is sunny, but there clearly are no downsides to getting it hot both ways. I am talking about eggs, of course, as others know.

25. Favorite pie?
Pie-in-the-sky. The American Pie.

26. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Sultry Siren, Longing Looks, Butter Lick.
There are really no flavors I know of with these names, but if there were, I would make them my favorites.

27. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

Let’s see: I tag Maami, Paul and Usha. And one highly deserving candidate to crush this phenomenon: Naren.
No, I don’t have any idea which of them will come fast first.

29 responses to “A CRUSHING MOVE IN BLOGGING HISTORY

  1. Seriously, you should do some analysis as to why you have so many ladies coming to your blog. 🙂
    About your tag…You saw Race and didn’t walk out?? And who would have thought you loved babies! Babies are the last kind of humans one would associate with you.
    By the way, I have tagged Paul too but he hasn’t done the tag. Hopefully he will do it now.

  2. p.s. I was looking at your blog stats. Impressive, considering you don’t blog everyday!

  3. My god, what do we have to do to get simple straight forward answers around here! 🙂
    As for the last q, the answer is ME, ME, ME!
    I even finished doing it loooooooong before you tagged me here:
    http://agelessbonding.blogspot.com/2008/04/in-case-you-were-wondering.html
    That shows you never even read my posts. HMPF
    Now don’t hide under that excuse of too much work. I know what you did last week in Srilanka. Your writing reeks of malicker and sher vats and all that stuff! hehehe

  4. A disappointed wife told her dead husband as he was being prepared for his coffin: “At last they’ d stuff you stiff with staff”.
    I declare you cruel: You can’t rag and nag to tag-a hag. Whilst my spirits sag, I will pick my bag and light my fag.

  5. Nita:
    This thing about ladies surrounds my very existence. What analysis should I do? Extreme humility prevents me from saying any more. People call it vex appeal. Or something that sounds like it. Others claim it is my perfect bedside manners!
    Usha:
    Touché! I do read your posts, though, and even recommended your E rating in Paul’s blog.

  6. Maami:
    May I recommend a Royal Shag Stag for the spirit that flags?

  7. I laughed my guts out, brother! You are in peak form. I did that tag a while ago, by the way.

    I am an incurable punmaniac myself, though everytime I say something clever, I get nothing but vituperation. And if I started hitting your level, I’m sure to be stabbed or something. Brocco Lee! That qualifies for a kick in the gonads.

    …reborn internally …! Wicked.

  8. Seriously loaded post! You have attained Master level in puns, Rambodoc-san!

  9. Am back, hoping to provide a positive balance to this “crushing move in blogging history”. (But deep down inside, I do feel envious ;))

  10. R-Doc:

    As usual, close reading is needed before commenting.

    Those, who thought your answer to 6, was about very young children clearly do not know about the 3 life stages of a female – baby, babe and bebe (Punjabi for granny I am told) 😉

    And apart from a Balvenie and a Lagavulin, I never saw a 21 year old single malt despite the abnormal amount of time I have spent in Scotland and with Scottish friends. The oldest one I have ever had sitting around was 18 years old Bowmore. If you can lay your hands on a 21-year old single malt – whisky not person – do let me know 🙂 [This reminds me of a friend’s husband, who receives good single malts on my annual visits to their house; last year, I found out the old fellow never drinks any of it, but likes to have them. Oh well, to each his own. May be the other friend, who brings him Black Label is along the right path. Black Label _too_ is largely Scotch – Clynelish if you are interested – if not a pure single malt]. Major digression. Time to go.

  11. Naren: oh, you did, too, is it?
    Oemar: long time. Did you do anything apart from putting on weight?
    Marc: Thanks!
    Shefaly: 21 years is about the most I can spend (after saving for a year) to buy a single malt. I do have a Glenfiddich now. I did do a Macallan last year or the year before, I think.
    Anything above 21 years, and the price goes up like a jack-in-a-box. No pun intended!

  12. Kudos to u doc! Even this u managed to do differently :)q

  13. Well you guessed it right, all I did was eat and sleep 😉 Even today the weather is rainy and quite gloomy..

  14. R-Doc:

    You need to cultivate me as a contact 😉

    Prices are sky-high outside of the Isles, not inside.

  15. Shefaly:
    I am coming next year for the full works: London and Scotland. Hope to pack a couple of the gold, at least. You can buy me a drink, at least! 🙂
    Nova:
    Thanks for the compliment.
    Oemar:
    Workout is a great way to get rid of gloom. It never rains inside a gym!

  16. R-Doc:

    Absolutely! Do give me some advance warning and a full culinary tour of London will be my privilege to host. For Edi, my things-to-do post is definitely a good guide seeing as so many come to read it 🙂 But I am happy to help shape a solid itinerary for Scotland too.

  17. 🙂 i agree with Mark
    So what if ur a balding web addict , u still have such a very large female following 😀
    and ur priceless like the aged single malt u were talking about

  18. Yikes! Thanks for the tag, Doc!

    BTW, in my continuing effort to annoy you, I have come up with a new award.

  19. Shefaly:
    Okay, that would be great, really.
    Prax:
    Thanks for the backhanded bald compliment!
    Paul:
    Paul:
    You are amazing!

  20. Once you have done a tag, there is a jinx which keeps coming back to you.
    Do it a second time and the jinx is broken. To help you do this You have been tagged for the meme on table talk. Details at mine. Thank you. Bon appetit!

  21. //We men are trapped in a world that is controlled by women// after reading your answers one thing is sure, that your thoughts revolve around women,I am not sure about the world though.
    //I would like to be reborn as an American President// By the time you are born again American President may not be that powerful. Clones of Behan Mayawati or some Rabri Devi or her sophisticated version Sonia Gandhi might be in control of world affairs. My suggestion, don’t commit on that one. It would be safer to be Rambodoc.
    //Provided the contestants are Communist Party leaders and the audience is allowed to throw eggs at the contestants for every wrong move// I agree with you. I will like to throw rotten tomatoes (I am a vegetarian) on the right moves also.

  22. i had no intension to offend u doc , trust me
    im sorry if u found it condescending
    im a big fan and i dont see balding as negative or bad, even Einstein had a receding hairline though he did have plenty of hair
    plus Hair loss in humans might be reversible
    says the bbc
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6661849.stm
    in fact having dense hair is a major problem for me and i hate going to the barber once in 20 days …

  23. Prax:
    Don’t be crazy: you don’t need to be sorry for anything. You haven’t seen me in real life: I have a 42 inch chest, a 32 inch waist, and am all of 180cms. My hairline starts an inch or more above my eyebrows. You can get an approximate idea of how I look here. So why do you think I should feel offended? More amused!
    🙂

  24. Usha:
    This is sweet revenge for my having called you an old woman, eh?

  25. You never fail to deliver the funny. I was laughing out loud as I read this — but the egg comment was the one that really scrambled my brains.

  26. Just for the record – I have read this tag on n number of blogs. THIS WAS THE BEST!!! 😆

  27. Amit, Bancheese:
    Thanks, guys!

  28. Ah a teeny weenie tad itsy bitsy later:

    Sir you should be forbidden!

    🙂

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