SWEET DREAMS ARE NOT MADE OF THESE!

After toiling from mid-morning to mid-afternoon, like an honest politician a few months before the all-important elections, I crash like Windows Vista when the clock strikes nine, carried away in sleep by a Blue Screen of Dreams to that land which is inhabited by Socialists and Spurned Lovers.
Now, not having any good, positive sensory stimuli through the day (one of the drawbacks of surgical practice), one would expect me to have a dream like one or more of the following:
* Giving a slurring stirring speech before the Society of American Gastrointestinal Endoscopic Surgeons in Phoenix, Arizona, after which the entire audience seems transformed into cheerleaders of a different sort.
* Being awarded the Nobel Prize for discovering that a sharp kick in the pants could cause a permanent cure of all groin hernias that largely afflict males.
* Operating on US President O’Bummer for an abdominal tumor, and calmly announcing to the waiting world, “The President had a couple of loose screws from his past operations that had created a mess in the left side of his brain (in the world of border-less clouds you can do things like that: operate on the belly and take things out from the brain). The only change this operation will have on him will be that he will look transparent, like his wife.”

Now, lest you think I am a scheming, dreaming monomaniac with a scalpel, there are other things I could have been dreaming off:
* A feast of chocolate cake. Locally, the one at Costa Coffee has me babbling like a tongue-tied Mamata Banerjee, the spit hitting the fans, so to speak.
* Becoming the Prime Minister of India and declaring war on all controls, making politics unprofitable, and putting all committees and brokers out of business, thereby increasing national unemployment significantly.

Do I not have a romantic bone in my body, you ask? Of course, I do have one! I could dream of:
* A trip to South Africa with the woman of my dreams, enjoying the Indian Ocean over a chocolate truffle cake…. (aargh! there I go again!)
* A hectic session of laugh-making with my women woman, ending in a candle-light dinner that ends with chocolate…

All said, the impatient reader, if not already lost to more serious blogs, would be wondering where I am going with this post.

I am getting old, or I am losing it. I am not dreaming of any of the above. I am not even dreaming of becoming a social worker who distributes his hardly hard-earned money like an Amar Singh. Instead, as I move in my sleep, my hands feel my sore and hard muscles, and I keep imagining me (surrounded by sundry girls lying around me) pumping hard, ‘fast out, slow in’, as I reach a climax of exertion to loud, sweaty moans.
At the gym, another target is reached, another set complete, another muscle tested. “Next set, no more rest, start!”

I think there is something seriously wrong with me. You guys must already know it, perhaps. What is it you dream of, anyways? Or is your sleep a Blue Screen of Death?

22 responses to “SWEET DREAMS ARE NOT MADE OF THESE!

  1. Oh sweet, you are dreaming about having dreams 🙂 If you don’t get them while sleeping, try day dreaming, they always work 🙂

    I’ve been routinely dying in my dreams last few days – murder, road accident and yesterday was a gas chamber!

    Priyank: Poor you! May your dream never come true!

  2. Doc,

    //babbling like a tongue-tied…the spit hitting the fans…to speak//

    While admitting that my knowledge of physiology, anatomy, neurology etc. etc. is severely challenged, the combination of actions I imagine to be implied in the above sentence just defies comprehension.

    Vivek:
    A full throated attempt at speech with a tongue fixed anteriorly could cause an explosive blow out of saliva….

  3. Dreams are over-rated. Nightmares are horrifying. I wish I could have ONE night of peaceful sleep. But that would be TOO MUCH TO ASK, wouldn’t it?

    DD:
    One night is not asking for much at all. Maybe you need to drink some wine and get laid!
    🙂

  4. I mostly dream of looking for something or falling down from somewhere. Sometimes I dream of old friends and hostel days.

  5. I have weird dreams doctor. I have recorded a couple of them on my blog as well. It’s weird and rather fantastical stuff. Mostly related to my traumatic childhood etc. Check these posts out [1, 2]!

    Ok, Kris! Will do!

  6. All my years in medical colleges, I dreamed of getting lost in a huge building, which was sometimes a hospital!
    But I prefer to have no dreams, they disturb my sleep and equanimity!
    My favorite lines related to dreams and death:
    “To die, to sleep;
    To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
    For in that sleep of death what dreams may come”

    As far as your malady is concerned, my diagnosis is that your frontal and limbic and all other areas are already overworked during the day with you blog-twisting, word-twirling and pun-wrenching, your brain runs out of dopamine (and ideas) at night.

    Nomad,
    Great diagnosis! Are you the Governor of West Bengal in real life? Incidentally, we always dream every night we sleep. It is just that we remember only the ones closest to the waking hour.

  7. 🙂 so you dream of kicking hernia from only male patients… very sexist a comment for a doc… 😛 😛

    @ Nomad

    ” your brain runs out of dopamine (and ideas) at night.” LOL 🙂

    Sakhi: So what can I do if most groin hernias occur in males? LOL indeed at Nomad’s comment!

  8. If you actually dreamt all those dreams, I would have wondered whether you work at all! well, like the rest of us, you are plagued by mundane dreams. I still dream of not reaching in time to complete my maths paper or I dream of missing the bus or something like that. However, I have this ability to make my dream end the way I want it. I wonder if anyone else has this ability.

    Nita:
    Hmmn. I guess we all could do that, but maybe not often enough!

  9. @Nita OMG!! I have this ability too in a different sense..like if i’m having a bad dream, I make myself think that its bad one, not happening actually and I dont get scared or sad. Further I “consciously in my sleep” make myself switch to another dream and I start dreaming a new one. As if dreams are at my beck and call!!

    Reema: Are you a professional dreamer? Or are you a socialist?

  10. I definitely don’t dream myself eating something. It is mostly about my past, or if it is a nightmare I usually am able to turn around by kicking the hell out of the bad guys like Rajinikanth. Even if they carry canons and machine guns I beat them bare handed.

    Dinesh,
    Oof! You always fight? Do you fight with women also? And beat them at it??

  11. Most cases, not all cases of inguinal hernia are in males!!!!! 😛 😛

  12. I think that I am a very boring person after reading about your dreams. The only dream I can think about is a nightmare that I have an Organic Chemistry exam in the morning. It is difficult sleeping after that.
    //putting all committees and brokers out of business, thereby increasing national unemployment significantly// you can’t blame your losses on the poor brokers Rambodoc. It is like your patients blaming you for all the hernias and gall bladder stones they suffer from.

    Prerna:
    Still in student mode?

  13. we always dream every night we sleep. It is just that we remember only the ones closest to the waking hour
    Yes, of course. I meant I prefer not to remember that I had any dreams.
    Didn’t get “Governor of West Bengal”…

    I meant that your diagnosis was cracking and forthright, as was that of Gov. Gandhi in the Tata Motors issue.

  14. Reema! My turn to say OMG! Glad to meet another superior human being (bowing). Btw, I have read that very few humans have this ability, and these are one of an higher order. 🙂
    I can make my dream end anyway I want.

    Nita:
    Nice to meet such humble, self-effacing human superhuman beings.

  15. I dream that ‘I have woken up and gone to work, but when I actually do wake up and I find myself sleeping-dreaming and late to work….’

    Anshul:
    Hi. You have a unique blog.

  16. Oh no, I fight guys, Fierce some ones. I usually save the women from bad guys. Sometimes I have superpower if I watch movies like Spider Man or Batman recently.

  17. What an interesting topic Doc! The things people dream!!
    I have this dream about making some journey. Ususally at the beginning of the dream I know where I am going but along the way I forget where I am going but I still keep travelling across oceans and forests and lonely highways. I have never once reached some place!!And sometimes my travel partners are my family members who are now dead and gone.
    The scenary changes but many a times the theme is the same.

    The theme is the same? Poor you, Geetha!

  18. I can only recall bits and pieces of my dreams, Doc. Just enough to know they are rather dull. Do you think if I ate hot peppers before bed, I could spice them up?

  19. Scratch the hot peppers! I have had a sudden epiphany! Instead of eating hot peppers before bed to spice up my dreams, I will go today to buy a lady’s thong to wear over my head at night! That should work wonders!

    Paul:
    At least people will say your sex appeal lies in the head! And you can celebrate Thongsgiving Day by serving chicks cold turkey!

  20. I once had a dream where I was being operated on and heard the surgeon say: “Wait a minute, if this is her spleen, then what’s that?” Before I could protest at that (in my dream, of course) he added: “Someone call the janitor. We are going to need a mop.”

  21. i hardly ever dream these days – when i get sleep im mostly knocked out

    as a kid i had these wonderful dreams mixing all those good old hollywood movies with sci fi and nasa and the works

    @ Nomad .. perfect analysis LoL !
    / I am getting old
    /as I move in my sleep, my hands feel my sore and hard muscles
    that sounds very salmanesque

    if u want to be forever young why not dream of being Dev anand instead!

  22. Thanks Doc. You too have a very smooth style of writing no matter how twisted the message its conveying. 🙂

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