CELEB BYTES IN HISTORIC TIMES

In these historic times, we (the blog owner and his ears) got to enjoy exclusive conversations with the biggest names in American politics. We (the blog owner and his keyboard) are hereby giving you, Dear Reader, a free sample of what words of snatches snatches of words we (the former We) were so privileged to hear. Enjoy!

BARACK OBAMA:

Do I give Hillary Health, or do I give Bill Foreign Affairs? Should I give Joe Biden oversight on Gas? Or should I call Daniel Craig to loan Miss Moneypenny to Treasury?
I am planning to give a tax break to comedy writers and stand-up comics: I fear they will all lose their jobs once I am in the White House. After Clinton and Bush, what do they get? Funny me, ha-ha!

Those of you who earn less than a thousand dollars a month, you have nothing to fear from me. The rest of you can vigorously copulate with someone of your same sex, or die saving the planet or something!
I say to those of you who did not vote for me, I’ll be your President as well. Don’t think your President is going to spare any chance to screw you, especially if you belong to Wall Street or Main Street! And, mark my words, I’ll screw Arnold Schwarzenegger, too! And that is once I attend Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s Mass.

majmccainarnie-420x0
(pic source: here.)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:

I will be back!

OPRAH WINFREY:

There are no red states or white states, there are only black states now in the United States of America. Now that a black is President, we are now really united, for the first time in history. The One has won! Now we blacks can blow our noses on the shoulders of unsuspecting white folk standing nearby!

JOHN McCAIN:

We screwed up, my friends. I have decided to join Saturday Night Live as a regular performer. Most of the votes I got were from people who watched that show. The rest were from morons living in hilly states. I thank all of you for making my tongue-out picture the most emailed picture in history.
I want to tell young Americans one thing I have demonstrated, apart from my scars won in Vietnam, and that is how you can be petty, crabby and nasty while in the race but sublimely gracious in defeat. Remember, there is only one thing that looks good in defeat: Sarah Palin’s dress. Since I can’t wear hers’ I wore my loss in grace.

mccain-palin-gothic1
(pic source: About.com/d/political humor)

SARAH PALIN:

As an Alaskan, I will build a historic bridge across to Paris in 2012. I hear our great countries are historically related. The French President called me a couple days back, and was so… charming. I really got along with him.
I am very disappointed with our Press people, who have been questioning my knowledge. For all of you small-minded hacks there, I do know that Africa is a country. I never said it is a continent (aide switches off microphone).

PRESIDENT BUSH:

Gee! Finally we find that the al Qaida guy from Chicago has got elected to be President? What is America coming to? From moron to Koran?!

HILLARY CLINTON:

This is a historic night. Bill slept alone at home!

BILL CLINTON:

I think I made a seminal contribution to the campaign. I want to be Ambassador-at-large to Africa, and I need to show Sarah Palin a thing or two about drilling rights!

MR SAM LOSER:

YES, WE DID!

9 responses to “CELEB BYTES IN HISTORIC TIMES

  1. 😆 Amusing!
    Did u hear the recent goof up by Italian Prime Minister? He called Obama”young,handsome and tanned”!!!!!

  2. Loved the one by Hillary Clinton. Very funny. Obama has made history, but now as you said the comedians need a tax break.

  3. If Palin runs for President in 2012, at least she has name recognition going for her… but that may not work in her favor

  4. Enjoyed! I remember a line in Yes Minister where Hacker, who’s waiting for a ministerial appointment, is telling his wife “Tom’s got Defence. Mike’s got Health. Joe’s got Energy”. Mrs Hacker asks him if anyone’s got Brains. “I think she means Education”, Hacker tells himself

  5. What a laugh! Cheeky! 🙂

  6. Hehehe! That was Hillary-ous! Especially about the Clintons 😉 But if you bash Obama too much, you’re going to get muh cane!

    Really funny! 🙂

    -g

  7. Zardari is sad 😦 Bill Clinton is rumoured to be seceretary of state for subcontinental affairs. If only MacCain was black or not so personal, Sarah could have been incharge of Kashmir affairs.

  8. Reema:
    I think Berlusconi expressed a sense of humor that the media did not share.
    DB:
    Not for long, we hope!
    Patrick:
    All name recognition is not good!
    Naren:
    Haha!
    Gauri:
    When the cash counts more than the dash, Obama will face the music, Cane or Able!
    Prerna:
    🙂

  9. Why has the guy still not called up our PM? Its not a good sign!!

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