The following story does not really match our publishing standards, but there is a recession going on, both hair and in the real world. After all, if Andy Borowitz is considered funny, when only one in four of his articles are up to the mark, we thought we should be more liberal with the Doc. So here is a subprime article in these difficult times. Comments should be moderate in severity, please.
For all you losers who were not invited to the Bleedership Summit in New Delhi today, there is hope. You favorite blog was invited to participate in an act of national snoring at the venue.
Here are excerpts from the
Manmohan Singh, Indian Prime Minister:
We have showed the world that we wore an economic turban by not allowing free-wheeling economic policies for auto companies. When the world is reeling in recession, we are spending on moon missions and are making money on petro prices. As you know, the Indian consumer is paying the same money today for petrol and diesel, when crude is below 50 dollars, as when he was when crude was 150 dollars. On top of that, we take half that money in taxes. You see, the crude glass is half fool. So there is no need to panic.
We have a solid plan to tackle our economic crisis: it is called Barrack Obama. On top of that, we are diverting the minds of the recession-stricken jobless youth by sending satellites to the moon, controlling private international schools, promoting local jobs in Maharashtra, etc. We are on an 8% growth path.
Any questions from the audience?
“Arrey, coffee milega kya?”
“Sir, you are saying our economy will grow at 8% year on year?”
“No, I am talking of our party’s economy!”
Sonia Gandhi, Congress (I) President:
My mother-in-law, the widely reviled Indira Gandhi, has now been proven to be far-sighted and wiser than even LK Advaniji. She nationalised banks in India and pushed India to the depths of poverty. Today, the West is following that same path by embracing both nationalisation and poverty.
On top of that, she invested our
countrymen’swealth in private, numbered Swiss Banks that have not invested in derivatives or given any subprime loans. Our money is safe, let me assure you. On top of that, Rajivji’s investments from the Bofors voluntary donations are growing at 8% annually, year-on-year.
Every passing day shows that we should invest more in the public sector, so that we can win the next election, and so that we can tax the middle class some more. I am very clear in my mind that we want an open economy. The private sector is free to pay taxes, and must not forget that it has an obligation to provide jobs, drinking water and condoms to the Common Man. The Government will do its job of winning elections and restricting freedoms.
Now that we are rid of the Communists, we are clearly in favor of the capitalisation of nationalisation. We are for freedom of the economy with complete regulation. All these things I learned from Rajivji. If this sound contradictory, just wait for Mr. Chidambaram’s speech!
confusionconclusion, we stand for full freedom and liberalisation. Within the Communist Party, of course.
Laloo Prasad Yadav, Union Railway Minister:
Maharashtra is my estate. Dilli is my estate. And Bihar is mai real estate. Whenever I have been in
Pawar power, I have made estates. It is for this effort of mine that pippul from Harvard call me the Fodder of the Nation. You media pippuls just stop showing the circus of Raj Thackeray, and show me do my circus clown act.
LK Advani, Leader of the Opposition:
There is no Hindu terror. There is only Congress terror. We are terrified of Rahul Gandhi. The country’s situation makes me sad. Sad vi all are. The Congress is hiding a lot of corruption scandals. We were different. We were very transparent and open about our corruption.
I don’t want to say any more. We believe in
GodhraGod, and hope that there is a Modicum of Solace for India.
Eminent Surgeon-Blogger from audience:
I wanna go home. Mamma mia!
See, I told ya!