OY, SHUN THESE WORDS!

pc-budgetindia
(pic source: topnews.in
India’s Finance Minister, Mr. P Chidambaram (affectionately called PC) has advised his countrymen not to use certain words. A Twist of Word and Mind has the exclusive excerpts of his speech. If this country’s economy were not on the cholera commode, I would have asked for money for readers wanting to enjoy his historic speech. Anyways, such is the life of the unfortunate many who are not destined to make big money. Here is PC’s exclusive remarks he made to us:

I strongly caution the media against using the word ‘recession’ when referring to the Indian economy. We are not in a recession. We are merely in growth retardation, like a midget, sorry for not being PC!
You should, similarly, avoid using words loosely. After all, the Indian media cannot behave like an irresponsible blogger who misused his invite to the Leadership Summit in New Delhi last week. That was insinuation, another word we don’t want to see too often.
There is no confusion, either in me, or in the minds of the High Command. You cannot make good pasta if you are confused. You know, the art of pasta making is very precise and scientific. In a way, it is the culinary equivalent of sending a rocket to the moon. Imagine: a hundred different pastas, and each has a different boiling time. Each one is different: for example, you can’t use the shell types in a dry garlic-olive mix, you need it to be soaking in lots of gravy or soup. I could go on and on, as I have done a lot of research on this before I became Finance Minister, but let me get on to other equally important subjects. Don’t say there is confusion. There is none.
Don’t talk of the Opposition: there is none. We do not need one. We just need more position.
I hate people using the F word: there is no inFlation: we deFlated it. And this is thanks to the media. If they had not gone hammer and tongs at us over the weekly inflation data, we would not have created this economic growth retardation. After all, if you kill growth, there won’t be any inflation, will there?

But, Sir, what about Zimbabwe? There is a 225 million percent inflation there, and the only growth they have is of the HIV virus. How can you…”

Please let us not compare spaghetti and vermicelli. We cannot compare with an advanced country like Zimbabwe. They even have more monkeys than we have, if you don’t count the Bajrang Dal!
Like I was saying, the media and the blogging community together have to be sensitive about the language. We are not negative, there are actually words we like: punctuation, dictation, relation, donation, election, defection, etc. But let us not use offensive words. Let us be Politically Correct (the real PC, I say, haha!) in our language. We like to see our people use more words like reservation, but not words like secession. Commission yes, corruption no. Seduction and secretion is good, not … let me not run out of words!
I would like you to create a Commission to make a list of shun-words that create inflammation in the minds of our silly public. Why don’t you put your suggestions for our implementation in our next media policy?

26 responses to “OY, SHUN THESE WORDS!

  1. you sure are hilarious!! 😀

    Sakhi: Glad you enjoyed it!

  2. @ Doc:

    //We like to see … more words like reservation, but not … secession. Commission yes, corruption no. Seduction and secretion is good, not … let me not run out of words!//

    You forgot the most important word of them all…SUCCESSION.

    Vivek:
    I knew someone would come up with that. I had to leave out some things for you, right?

  3. He does have an ability to dodge really good questions, I remember he was actually able to make THE Karan Thapar sweat in his own interview. On the plus side, this was an indication we still have such orators in India. On the other hand the he too is on the ‘dark side’ LOL

    Chirag:
    I haven’t watched that. I don’t doubt it!

  4. Fundas of mentals are still strong, there is no need to panic.

  5. * there is no inFlation: we deFlated it.

    I think he is commenting about our bottoms, the part of which was usually elevated by money.

    @Chirax, Dark side, looks like he is The Dark Knight.
    Bruce Wayne(Batman): “Targeting me won’t get their money back. “ – Quote from the movie.

  6. Sorry for this third comment doc.

    In my comment at 1.32pm, it is –
    “Fundas of mentals are still strong, there is no need to panic.”

    Heh, Anshul! Good one!

  7. The question is, is the bastion strong enough to endure the dollar combustion, fiscal indigestion, economic congestion and eventually, resource exhaustion? It shouldn’t come down to frugal ingestion – just a suggestion.

    Well, not everything can be shunned. Pardon me if I spoke out of chun 😉

    -g

    -g

    Gauri:
    That comment gives me a great impression!

  8. Hahaha. Brilliant. Very funny.

    Trailblazer:
    Thanks, and welcome to this blog!

  9. 😆

    Reema:
    🙂

  10. Doc:

    Inflation and politics both are merely matters of interpretation.

    Shefaly:
    Manipulation!

  11. Moreover, we particularly resent being made responsible for inflation, deflation and reflation.We are a Union Minister, not a bicycle pump. – Yours untruly (though not unruly, unlike some others we can name!)

    Naren:
    Hahaha!

  12. “I hate people using the F word: there is no inFlation: we deFlated it.”

    ROFL.

    Nomad:
    🙂

  13. We are not in a recession.
    2+2=5.

    Amit:
    Tell me about it!

  14. You had to get down to seduction and secretion didn’t you?

    Partho:
    I did not (vehemently protesting).

  15. You know what PC is right. We are not in Recession, we are just in a Recess. Once the bell rings, we can all go back to class and restart the session. Hilarious post !

    DB:
    Thanks. Haha!

  16. Too good! You deserve a standing Ovation!

    Gopinath:
    Thanks. I am happy you enjoyed it!

  17. Awesome! You are really funny man. Generally, it’s difficult for me to read a supposedly funny post without getting impatient, but this one was too good.

    Lallopallo:
    Welcome to this blog. Thanks for your appreciation!

  18. yes sir, FM sir. But could we have less of pretension and a little more of action from your side?

    Usha:
    Will pass on the message next time we meet!

  19. PC needs to be rebooted..! 😀

    Nikhil:
    But the Home Minister is first in line!

  20. With elections round the corner what else do you expect from poor PC. As they say-‘Recession is when a neighbour loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours’. If he accepts recession soon he will be in depression.

    Prerna:
    Now they are getting ready to make concessions to Pakistan for terrorism.

  21. :-)…nice

    Manushi:
    Thanks.

  22. great post 🙂

    Viveks words r inspiring !

    what about stag-fla-tion?
    is that allowed?

    Prax:
    No way!

  23. Enjoyed your post very much. 🙂

    BTW, this is my first visit to your blog.

    Welcome, Manju, and thank you!

  24. Love this! I remember seeing a Tamil play,where the ” hero” tries to do something on economics,the punch line being “Indian economy is the best economy,the Indian economy is the best economy,for India has no economy” 🙂

    @anshul: hmm..now our back sides are deflated by grenades and bullets…

    Vishesh:
    Thanks for the comment, and welcome to this blog!

  25. Cool, as usual.
    Have you checked out a few speeches that I have suggested at http://www.rameshsrivats.net/2008/11/100-word-election-speeches-part-1.html

  26. Yes, Ramesh! It is another great post!

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