RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A CEMENTED MIND

I have probably (almost) never used this blog to post random thoughts to voice my personal thoughts, or express my angst at various issues in my personal life, this being an inherently happy blog and all, but this is as good as any a time to show that we can do it, too.
No, I am not going to expose to you my dietary secrets (like how I eat around ten egg whites a day on many days of the week), or to allow a thought to lingerie in your mind that I wear red underwear (I don’t need to). You get the gist.

So, politicians and humans, here is a CT scan of my mind: a rear glimpse of a genius.

* I have suddenly had my bank account frozen because my Chartered Accountant ‘forgot’ to show in my income a large (by my BPL standards) sum of investment (ironically in bona-fide Government bonds) in my income tax returns. On top of that, he offended the IT Officer by not attending the summons in person. I had no idea, and bang! Yesterday on, I am frozen out of access to money! Did I hear some asshole write about how money was no longer a defining aspect of his life? If you see him sometime, tell him he is just that. I am not going to ask you to cough up a bit of your old family jewels fortune, so relax your sphincters!
In the meanwhile, life is very on-the-edge, almost like a battle for Chief Me-jester of Maharashtra. I am fuming, once more, about the essential brutality of the Government apparatus: it never gave me a warning or notice. It seems it is not required by Indian law. Perhaps not in any law. The motto of Government is ‘Pay your taxes, and then breathe. If you stop breathing, do likewise.’

* I am actually thinking of spanking my CA for being such a bad boy: he has had all my bank statements showing the course of the funds (all from my income, my savings, FDs, etc.), but he ‘simply forgot’ to show it. I have a feeling he did this to screw me, so that I end up paying a hefty bribe to the ITO, with whom he would then share the spoils. A classic bureaucratic trap for the sucker!

* I have had no time to respond to the several interesting comments on my previous post on Another Kind of Evil, including Shefaly’s ‘You Are Better Than That, Doc’ remark. Provocative, that, I tell you. Even Indians have a right to respond, though you wouldn’t know it if you go by our history.

* WordPress has taken a toilet break after coming up with the breathtaking new 2.7 version. If you see this blog resembling a wall of the Taj Mahal hotel in Mumbai, with gaping holes in places where your world-famous blogs were proudly linked, despair not, for I have alerted the Blog-wizards.

* I found a great site for listening to music: Songza.

* In the festive season, I am doing a great job of staying motivated in my eating patterns. I don’t deny myself any treats, but I have cut portions immensely. A nibble of cake, half a sandesh, one cookie, etc., all the while cherishing each particle of food in my mouth with my eyes closed. Satiety comes quick when you savor each morsel of food, with your mind single-mindedly (clever, that!) minding the flavor, texture, aroma, and overall experience of the food.

* Yesterday was the first time I saw a Punjabi wedding. What I found so remarkable was how sexist modern Indian society still is. The groom’s family kept the bride’s on tenterhooks by coming in 90 minutes late, while I was chafing at the hungry delay. Soon after the groom’s arrival, those of us from the ‘girl’s side’ were respectfully asked to let the groom’s (large) party sit at the tables. The latter then wasted no time to complain forcefully to the authorities how unacceptable the service was: apparently, the reason was there was no one to serve the jalebis! I wanted to offer my services, but certain people suspected that I would ensure ample spillage of jalebi juice on the expensive sleeves of the complainants, and my offer was gracefully and drily turned down.

* I was on a TV talk show late at night on, I kid you not, Maradona! My role was to lie to the gullible public how much I admire Maradona and football, and then talk a bit about his weight loss surgery and stuff. You know how it is: flanked on either side by two journos who have spent their lives chasing the God of Football, I was off-side, all at sea while the two guys kept boring holes in my brain with anecdotes on how close they were to him, yada, yada, yada. I literally begged the anchor to pull the red card on me, and I slunk off the studio at 1.30 am. The show continued till 3 am, when the anchor ensured that Maradona was safe in his hotel room and had moved his bowels for the first time ever on Asian soil.

* After a very long time, two posts on one day, one mourning morning actually!

Want more? Oh, yeah, I don’t miss no groans or howls! I hear ye, I hear ye!

24 responses to “RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A CEMENTED MIND

  1. O absolutely doc, keep ’em coming! You are on a roll! 🙂

  2. The CA bit of info is quite interesting. I don’t know why they insist so much on the various clauses available for tax reduction when one wants to pay the taxes!!

    Destination Infinity

  3. link to the TV show please 🙂

    not to worry about your CA,let me complete mine and i will doctor yours properly 🙂 (hmm…i am going to write my boards this year…so hmm…another 4 years i guess 🙂 )

    and that song site has taken the songs from youtube, i think 🙂

  4. Wow. Getting your bank account frozen is disconcerting to say the least.

    LOL at the talk show thing!

  5. Interesting reading 🙂

  6. You need some money? We can all pitch in… 😛
    Did you find anything good in the Punjabi wedding? Was it blah or was it interesting?

  7. Umm were you really on a talk show? which channel?

  8. Did you by any chance deny the CA his due? Such unprofessional conduct could be the result of that or did you charge too much for his or his family member’s surgery? One more reason could be that you removed his gall bladder when he needed a Hernia treatment. Don’t even think of spanking the CA! you might end up explaining the income tax returns of the last 10 years. Trust me, the income tax officers are worse than Chartered accountants.
    About the Punjabi wedding, it was only a 90 minutes delay because you were attending a Punjabi wedding in Calcutta. In Delhi it could be anything between 3 to 5 hours due to Bhangra performances on the roads. 90 minutes is the delay the ordinary citizen faces because his office or home is on the route taken by the baraat(procession). Nobody from the girl’s side bothers to wait for the baraatis before eating. The bhadralok of Calcutta are a bad influence on our Punjabi friends 🙂

  9. Rads:
    Thanks.
    Destination Infinity:
    I think only when you owe a humongous amount in taxes are you safe: you then get amnesty, etc.
    Naren:
    It is close to getting your hair cut by a blind and deaf man, I tell you.
    Mauren:
    Welcome to this blog.
    Amit:
    Not yet (both for the money and for the wedding). I wondered how people spend so much money for social occasions.

  10. Reema:
    Kolkata TV.
    Prerna:
    Haha. Good guesses, but the only provocation was I stopped lending him money (which I had been doing for three years, and not back some of it back).
    Ah, the girl’s side doesn’t wait for the baraatis?! How wonderful! In case the groom doesn’t turn up, would the guests who ate be expected to pay for the meal, then? And are they allowed to take back their envelopes, etc?

  11. Vishesh:
    Hmmn. What if you don’t pass?

  12. Hi Rambodoc,
    Came across your blog from Nita’s A wide angle view of India. Great blog! I’ve added your blog on my link.

  13. Quite often when the baraat is really late, ie the groom’s side doesn’t arrive till 11-11.30, people go home after eating and handing over the envelope to the parents of the girl. Only the family and close friends are interested in meeting the groom and bride, most of the others use the opportunity for networking, reviving old contacts and meeting new people. A few comments and observations on jewelery and the dresses worn by the guys and girls, exchanging notes on the arrangements, music and food and the evening is over.
    Do you think that after dancing so much and spending tons of money on the ceremonies ( cocktails, sangeet etc) before the actual marriage, the groom’s side won’t arrive?

  14. No need to apologize for posting random thoughts. Thats what blogs are for aren’t they! Each post cannot be like the other, unless your mind is well and truly cemented.

  15. Nice title. Cemented mind 🙂 I wonder if CA meant Cemented Associate and that was probably why he left you in that situation. Taxes are like Shit, you will get into trouble if you hold it in, if you let it go you will feel great. Shit! How did I come up with this. I need to put this in Twitter.

  16. “I need to put this in Twitter.”
    DB:
    Or in Shitter?!
    Nita:
    Did I apologise? I must have sounded so!
    Prerna:
    The groom’s family pays for stuff, really? We have come a long way!
    Kiran:
    You have done the best thing in your life today. Welcome to this blog, and join in with your comments!

  17. There are some functions which the groom’s family organises, they are the ones who will have to pay for them.

  18. Hey doc
    i think u had read my post on the taxman being the most brutal thug in india and commented on it

    Do be careful thanks to the Great PC , the taxmans sweeping powers have been increased and hopefully he does nt use the dreaded sections on u, maybe u need to change ur ca,
    plus most cas have agreements with the itos to share a part of the cut or bounty…

  19. My sympathies about the taxman.
    My congratulations on your TV show.
    My thanks for the music link.
    So, finally, did you get a dozen jalebis to eat? Did they ease the pain of the thing called life?
    Jalebis are always useful to drown one’s GhUM…

  20. That doesn’t come into the equation 🙂

  21. Oh I don’t have to wait for a new post to be published, I get to hear these stories from the cemented mouth itself 😉

  22. Prax:
    My taxman stories promise to be interesting. I poke my CA in the eye every now and then, these days. Best to keep the bugger sweating now!
    Nomad:
    One and a half jalebis only: they were not good enough, and could not take away the sourness of an evening wasted….
    Vishesh and Priyank:
    Hmmmn.

  23. Want me to kick the financial guy’s ass? What a jerk…
    Ten egg whites? Sounds like an ex of mine, bodybuilder type, full of himself, sigh. But egg whites are healthy fare, I YOLK you not.
    Congrats on ur TV show appearance. Now get thee here–Sanjay Gupta is hot, but CNN sux and is too shallow. Ethnic looking is cool, you know.
    So now you are famous and distinguished, and probably unwilling to converse with us ordinaries? hmmm? 🙂

  24. Doc, you could have shouted out to your CA on the TV show. That might have been some payback 😉

    New, and welcome style for you; this random thought stuff.

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