Every year, my friends, promises to be new in some undefined way. Unfailingly, it remains the same. Even the way one wishes for the current year to end, as if that would take the sting off life, remains the same year on year.
In the midst of this splendidly non-productive philosophical eructation, I got some people from Washington asking me to become the next US Surgeon-General. I was honored, and rightly so, you may say. After all, I have been serving millions of Americans by my healthy posts on vaginoplasty, phallic enhancement (among others), on top of promoting a universal respect and love for all things feminine. And doing this with a child-like intensity makes me a doubly more politically correct choice.
The fact that my political views are construed to be on the right side of the libertarian stance went in my favor, as Mr. Obama is surrounding himself with the few Americans left over who oppose him, so that there are no opponents to respond to those pesky reporters who take popularity counts of Presidents.
Mr. Obama also likes the fact that, outside of the unemployable Mr. Cheney, I am the only credible person who can call Ms. Hillary Clinton a canine equivalent and get a point across. He specially liked my parody of Ms. Clinton in the immortal Harry Potter story I wrote a while back.
All things not said and even less done, I have respectfully declined.
Mr. Obama says I will make a great Surgeon-General.
I said, “Listen, you want your next Surgeon General to put a sticker on cigarette packs saying ‘If you choose to kill your self by smoking, the US Surgeon-General will support your right to do it’ “?
He was aghast, “No, you won’t do… that?”
“And more: I will send you a recommendation to privatize the Center for Disease Control. Can you take that?”
“Say no more, Doc! I get the message: You will make a great General Surgeon, but a horrid Surgeon-General!”
I said,“Mr. Obama, I hope you will make as great a President as you were a Presidential Candidate.”
End of the day, the offer goes to Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Heard of him?
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A Twist of Word and Mind 
I’m not sure if I have much respect for Sanjay Gupta. He’s fit for the media and for hosting those silly shows. Certainly anyone who’s against Michael Moore can’t be in the right state of mind? 😉
“Certainly anyone who’s against Michael Moore can’t be in the right state of mind?”
Ruhi:
Count me as one such!
Nice post! 🙂
-g
whose he? SAnjay Gupta,I mean? And comeon,you could have taken such a wonderful job..
Doc:
If you want to do real work, an Asstt Surgeon General is more the post to seek. If you want to do random politics, then the Surgeon General it is. Which explains the current appointment.
And think of all the brownies who get appeased by the appointment of a brown man, eh? 😉 That he is from a community riddled with cardiac problems, BP issues, diabetes etc is bonus, of course.
Awww sorry u missed the post 😛
what exactly are the duties of a surgeon general in US?
So now we know the secret ambitions behind this blog! Sad to hear that you missed the chance!
doc,
Nah, nah, that couldn’t have got you off the hook. Quite the contrary. You are aware that he has been a smoker for 20 years, aren’t you?
I always thought of Sanjay Gupta as the person to give advise on prime time TV on issues such as stomach upsets, allergies and such.
Surgeon General! Wow.
Maybe Jon Stewart will become Secretary of State someday.
How can our RamboDoc miss this opportunity? Sigh! No more hopes for free medical benefits in the US!
You are very generous and modest Rambodoc. Fighting for the right to commit suicide is very noble cause, especially when one Dr Ramadoss is trying his level best to encroach upon the most basic of human rights.
On a second thought, was it a deliberate effort to help Dr Sanjay Goyal? He has thanked you in his acceptance speech.
Americas loss is Kolkata’s gain. Budha babu and Mamta di need your humour more than Obama.
🙂
Sanjay Gupta’s alright. He knows enough stuff to talk to the average public, which is what he does, and he’s good at it.
Hi Doc,
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I did indeed read your post on how close you came to gracing us with your presence & genius as Surgeon General; and as much as I admire Dr. Gupta for his ability to dumb things down enough for the average audience here (and that takes some doing, I tell ya), I think we could definitely do more with someone like you-someone whose portfolio includes a kick-ass sense of humor. 🙂
haha-I guess ‘shot/infusion’ would be the right term to use for barbiturates, but my medical knowledge being limited to ‘broken bones hurt’, I’m afraid ‘a bunch’ is the best I could do. 😉
Cheers
P.S-Actually, I worked for the Japanese Government, which in itself is a whole new blog. Will get down to chronicling those adventures shortly.
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Actually Obama called me up to discuss this. I told him that your blog might suffer if you were appointed, so he must rethink about the decision. Err….I hope you were aware of this? 😛