Category Archives: Iran

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 07-10-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Mark Sanford of South Carolina still hasn’t resigned. He spent 5 days visiting his mistress in Argentina. His wife Jenny has reportedly already signed a book deal and I don’t think she likes him very much any more. So who do you think was safer over the the 4th of July weekend: Joe Biden in Iraq or Mark Sanford with his family in Florida? I’m guessing Joe Biden. (Rich Orwell)

Have you tried the new Sarah Palin cocktail. Russian vodka over ice with bitters and a garnish of sour grapes. Potentially powerful, but you want to quit half way through. (Janice Hough)

A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America’s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don’t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying. (Conan O’Brien)

So Sarah Palin has said she will cede power to Alaska’s lieutenant governor. And as a New Yorker, all I can say is: “Sure. What could possibly go wrong?” (Marc Ragovin)

Okay, John Edwards, Dick Cheney and now Sarah Palin. Hard to believe that the least embarassing V. P. candidate in recent memory is Joe Biden. (Janice Hough)

A pending law would put guns in Arizona bars. Normally packing a gun is dangerous, but the risks are minimal thanks to the calming and sensible effects of alcohol. (Alex Kaseberg)

Police say that more than a hundred bodies from an Illinois cemetery were dumped in mass graves so their plots could be resold. But luckily for those bodies this did happen in Illinois, so they are all still registered to vote. (Jake Novak)

Vice President Biden said that he and President Obama “misread” the severity of the recession. And former President Bush said “See what can go wrong when you read?” (Janice Hough)

This might be too soon, but right about now you have to think Jenny Sanford is wishing her husband’s “soul mate” had been Sahel Kazemi. (Janice Hough)

The two-hour Michael Jackson Memorial service took place on Tuesday in Los Angeles’ Staples Center. Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson both spoke, and when you throw in Michael Jackson you’ve got three of the best ball handlers in history. (Jerry Perisho)

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WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 04-11-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

How many miss the good old days, when America was just morally bankrupt? (Gil Ross)

One day the market is up the next it is down, up and down up and down, on and off, on and off, this isn’t a bull or bear market, it’s a Paris Hilton market. (Alex Kaseberg)

Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay? (Jay Leno)

London hosted a Group of Twenty meeting Wednesday amid chaos. Chinese communists are now the capitalists, France’s president is Hungarian, the Anglo-Saxons are being led by a socialist and a Kenyan, and Germany is refusing to send troops into other countries. Astronauts aboard the Space Station report the Earth is spinning backwards. (Argus Hamilton)

A seismologist said that his warning of the quake in Italy was removed from the internet. Officials said his warning was based on shaky research. (Robert Stupple)

Plaxico Burress, released by Giants, awaits next shot with another team. (Dwight Perry)

President Obama received a private audience with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace Wednesday. She spoke quite firmly with him. She reminded him that if the United States is going to return to absolute monarchy she’s got first claim on the job. (Argus Hamilton)

Washington State’s execution team has resigned. Apparently they heard that the economy was going to cause a lot of heads to roll. (Jim Barach)
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WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 04-04-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

So, it’s pretty crazy. Look, we’re bailing out Wall Street, we’re bailing out banks, we’re bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there’s a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government? (Jay Leno)

Ruth Madoff is now accusing Bernie Madoff of having an extra-marital affair. Like Bernie wasn’t screwing enough people before. (Alex Kaseberg)

President Obama is in London but he is still following his Final Four – Chase, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan and Bank of America. (Janice Hough)

MTV, Music Television, is putting actual music videos back on their network. If it works, Fox News said they’ll start doing actual news again. (Craig Ferguson)

Researchers at the University of Westminster in England have developed a simple and convenient way of screening for STDs which involves sending a used tampon through the mail. The company said they might start testing this for free with some women… no strings attache (Pedro Bartes)

Last night, the audience was as quiet as a General Motors showroom. (David Letterman)

The Senate is reviewing how college picks the number one team. Thank goodness they finally have the economy back on track and the war in Iraq under control. (Jim Barach)

In a speech in Anchorage, Alaska, Sarah Palin took kind of a cheap shot at her former running mate, John McCain. She said she couldn’t find anyone to pray with during the campaign. She’s not the only one. Between Jesse Jackson and Reverend Wright, Obama couldn’t find anybody to pray with either. (Jay Leno)

One day the market is up the next it is down, up and down up and down, on and off, on and off, this isn’t a bull or bear market, it’s a Paris Hilton market. (Alex Kaseberg)

The average American now works to support one spouse, three kids, four banks and two car companies. (Sid Knowles)

China says it wants to replace the U. S. dollar with a new global currency. They want to move from a gold-based standard to a lead-based standard. (Jay Leno)

The Senate Judiciary Committee plans to hold hearings on the Bowl Championship Series in college football. They want to probe anti-trust violations. When the BCS installed a Microsoft operating system in their computer they were just asking for it. (Argus Hamilton)
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WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 02-07-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

The trouble with the economy is that we’re operating in the red while hoping to get money out of the blue. (Gil Stern)

I don’t want to just ruin everybody’s day, but there is discouraging news everywhere. Unemployment is high. Foreclosure rate is high. Michael Phelps is high. (David Letterman)

If we learn anything from the current confirmation hearings, it is that we could significantly reduce the national debt by routine audits of senators, congressmen and other elected officials. And why not add CEOs and other executives of major corporations to that list? (Stan Kegel)

Barack Obama’s Kenyan half-brother George has been arrested by police in Nairobi on charges of possession of marijuana. It seems like a tradition that high ranked politicians have a brother than taints their names. Bill Clinton had his brother Roger, Jimmy Carter and his brother Billy, and Jeb his brother George (Pedro Bartes)

There was a huge scientific breakthrough today. Researchers say they’re very close to finding someone from Obama’s Cabinet who’s actually paid their taxes. (Jay Leno)

I tell you, the economy is so bad, even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes. (Jay Leno)

You sound happier than Barack Obama when he found out Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton both paid their taxes. (Jay Leno)

Another one of President Barack Obama’s nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them. (Craig Ferguson)

According to a CNN survey, almost 50% of office romances lead to marriage. The other 50% lead to job promotions. (Pedro Bartes)

Beleaguered Citigroup, which had secured the naming rights to the Mets’ new ballpark for the next 20 years, is reportedly thinking about backing out of the deal. Assuming there’s no penalty for early withdrawal. (Dwight Perry)

US Airways is now charging $7 for a pillow. That’s sort of high considering they get their goose feathers for free. (Norm M)

Mothballed basketballer Stephon Marbury hasn’t played a minute for the Knicks this season but is still collecting his $21.9 million salary — or nearly as much as Serena Williams, the highest-paid women’s athlete in history, has made in her entire career. Just think,Serena plays tennis, but Stephon has the bigger racket. (Dan Daly)

Republican Senator Jim DeMint says the White House will “create crisis” and “panic” to push President Obama’s stimulus bill. DeMint says creating crisis and panic should only be used in order to start a war. (Jim Barach)

Because of a huge budget crisis, California is now going to delay paying tax refunds. To which Tom Daschle said, “That’s why I didn’t pay them in the first place.” (Jay Leno)

Nancy Killefer withdrew her nomination to the Obama administration because of tax problems. Running from a job over taxes — in Washington this is becoming known as the 100-yard Daschle. (Doug Austen)

A California woman who already had six kids gave birth to octuplets after taking fertility treatments. Fertility treatments for someone with six children? Isn’t that like giving a laxative to someone who has just eaten at Taco Bell? (Jim Barach)

A Florida couple paid $155,000 for a clone of their dog that died. Those people need to be spayed and neutered. (Bob Barker)
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WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 09-06-08

Warning: Mega Post!

Part 1: THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

One of the big themes for convention speakers was that we need to elect a Republican that will go in and clean up the mess in Washington. I think that’s a great lesson for kids — always clean up your own mess. (Jimmy Kimmel)

To hammer home the message that 47 year old, first-term senator Barack Obama is too inexperienced to be president, John McCain picks 44 year old first-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. (PNN News)

John McCain’s vice president choice, Sarah Palin, is an avid hunter. Let’s see — a vice president who likes guns. Well, what could go wrong there? (David Letterman)

Today President Bush called Gov. Palin and congratulated her. Bush told Palin the job of vice president is very important because as vice president, you get to tell the president what to do. (Jay Leno)

Democrats are bashing Sarah Palin’s speech because it was penned by one of President Bush’s speechwriters. Yeah but this time, he didn’t have to spell it out phonetically. (Jake Novak)

Barack Obama was criticized by Republicans for the stage he used for his acceptance speech. it was modeled after an ancient Greek Temple. John McCain said “I knew Plato, and Barack Obama is no Plato.” (Jim Barach)

Today, John McCain was endorsed by the Log Cabin Republicans. They’re the organization of gay Republicans. McCain and the Log Cabin Republicans agree on one thing: They both want to distance themselves from Bush. (Craig Ferguson)

According to Fashion Magazines, Cindy McCain’s outfit at the GOP convention was worth almost $300,000. To be fair, Hillary once had a dress that was worth way more than that, actually, after getting stained. (Pedro Bartes)

People need not worry that Sarah Palin’s duties as vice president will conflict with her family obligations. The law covers such circumstances. Immediately after being sworn in, she can return to Alaska under the Family and Medical Leave Act. (Scott Witt)

And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She’s got a four-month-old of her own, she’s about to become a grandmother, and she’s partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change? (Jimmy Kimmel)

Citing the success of the new Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series, Simon and Schuster today announced the publication of the new Horatio Alger, Jr. series. The initial book to be released November 5th is “From PTA President to Vice President of the United States in Four Years: An American Success Story” (Stan Kegel)

An early survey shows that only 39% of the people feel than John McCain’s running mate Sarah Palin is qualified to be President. What’s sad about that is that only 29% feel that way about President Bush. (Jim Barach)

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WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 07-12-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Government figures released by President Bush show we are not in a recession. Unless, of course, you have to buy gas or food or some other luxury item. (Jay Leno)

For the first time in American history, Congress’s approval rating has fallen to just 9%, 9%. You don’t know how bad that is – the oil companies are at 12%. (Jay Leno)

This is what I love about America. According to a new report, after people started getting their government stimulus checks in the mail, internet porn sites had a 30% increase. You know what that means? People use their stimulus package to stimulate their packages. (Jay Leno)

A man in Kentucky paid for sexual favors with a $100 gas card. Nowadays that is the only way to go all-around-the-world with a $100 gas card. (Pedro Bartes)

The U.S. is issuing the first coins with readable Braille. The writing will be on a silver dollar, the only coin with no practical use unless you are near a slot machine. (Jim Barach)

Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it’s not true. In fact his exact words were “I did not have textual relations with that woman.” (Jay Leno)

John Kerry is now criticizing John McCain. Kerry says McCain does not have the judgment to be president. I don’t think that’s true, I mean McCain had the good judgment not to accept Kerry’s offer to be his running mate in 2004. That shows pretty good judgment right there! (Jay Leno)

Jesse Jackson has a bit of a scandal going on right now, which I’ve got to address right up front. Yeah, in case you don’t know, last night Fox News aired video of Jesse Jackson where Jackson was caught saying he wants to cut Barack Obama’s nuts off. That’s what he said. By the way, for the record, this marks the nicest thing ever said about Barack Obama on Fox News. (Conan O’Brien)

I don’t think Jesse learned his lesson, today he was overheard saying he wanted to cut off John McCain’s Medicare. (Jay Leno)

A Kentucky woman has been arrested for trading sex for gasoline. Didn’t that used to be called “hitchhiking”? (Jim Barach)

President Bush gave a speech at Thomas Jefferson’s estate on July Fourth to greet new citizens. The two presidents have a lot in common. Thomas Jefferson declared independence from Great Britain and George W. Bush declared dependence on Saudi Arabia. (Argus Hamilton)

And here’s a comment many people are calling racist, this is a stupid thing to say, it seems a Republican party operative, a man named Grover Norquist, told the LA Times that Barack Obama was just John Kerry with a tan. That’s what he said, stupid thing, that’s what he said. Well using that logic, if Barack Obama is John Kerry with a tan, then John McCain is George Bush with an enlarged prostate. (Jay Leno)

The Group of Eight leaders gave a toast Monday with sake cups worth a thousand dollars apiece. They are made of wood, rimmed with gold and inlaid with mother-of-pearl. The reason they’re so valuable is that each cup is filled with unleaded premium. (Argus Hamilton)

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IRAN AS THE WORLD’S ROLE MODEL?

According to certain highly educated and qualified people, Iran could be a surprising model for the rest of the world. No, not just in creating nuclear plants and forcing the West to blink, but in their system of allowing organ trade.
An article in Nature India underpins this point along with some interesting ethics issues. If you do not have access to Nature, you could get the same article here. The author of this piece is a familiar name to some of the readers of this blog, as we have discussed some of his earlier publications.
What is the beef of the article?

In India, a huge demand exists for about 200,000 kidneys, with an estimated annual sale of 2000 kidneys. By making organ sale illegal, this market is pushed underground, and organized rackets thrive by working outside the society’s laws and regulations. One of the spin-offs is the phenomenon of organ theft. Such an organ harvest is obviously illegal. Organ theft and organ sale, however, are not the same thing. Every sane person will surely condemn the stealing of a poor man’s kidney, but if such a person volunteers to sell it for money, would it be all bad?