Category Archives: limerick

YESTERDAY

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. On this day, and the week around that, people of Irish descent do all sorts of funny things and crack jokes on leprechauns and stuff, but a certain class of people write limericks. I did, too.

In the long gone past, I had written some limericks and how they are supposed to be. A limerick, in (my) briefs, has to be spicy and naughty.

This is one I wrote yesterday:

On St. Pat’s Day
She and I had it my way,
I left without my purse,
But she had the curse,
I didn’t get it, but she did pay.

The week preceding that was another not-so-good effort:

Is it this week we pick
For the sick limerick?
Or is it my mind,
Just trying to find
A way to tweak the weak wick?

You can’t tell me I don’t try, though it takes me not more than the time to type it once and edit it thereafter.

A SUNNY STORY

When it bites, the bug
I feel a strong tug
To be me, careless and vain,
Throw words in a rhythmic chain
And focus on getting some grub.

Here is a short story in limerick:

“Always the money, honey!”
Said Mummy to Sunny.
“If you want to be good,
Become a rich dude,
Not poor and funny.”

Older as Sunny grew,
The better he knew
That money is the root of evil.
But it came through a will,
With currency, his morals he threw.

While he grew richer,
He saw a pretty picture:
A lass- love at first sight!
She, with great insight
Married this rich letcher.

On their first night
They had a fight:
She wanted one grand first,
He wanted to just enjoy his lust,
We’ll never know who was more tight!

OK, ANOTHER PETRAEUS LIMERICK

You are probably wondering why I am suddenly obsessing with General Petraeus, with another limerick on him within twenty four hours of the first.
Well, the way the Borowitz/Moveon limerick was structured, it was difficult to make a good limerick out of it. I tried in my previous attempt, but it probably was a bit obscure, as many of mine do get.
If you read the old one again, you will understand it better if you realise he came in to Iraq only recently, and
So, to cut a short story shorter, here is what I think is a better Petraeus limerick:

Why, General Petraeus,
Looks like they flay us,
Down the streets of Iraq,
Where they mute even a rifle’s crack
With their bombs and prayers.

THE PETRAEUS LIMERICK: THE ULTIMATE ENTRY!

Andy Borowitz (about whom I learnt from Arunk) speaks in today’s report:
Yesterday the Borowitz Report reported that Moveon.org was planning a “really mean” limerick about General David Petraeus. According to the story, Moveon had composed the first four lines of the poem, but was stumped about the fifth and last line:

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
(last line here)

Within minutes, The Borowitz Report was deluged with hundreds of submissions from readers offering a last line to Moveon.org’s mean limerick. While almost all of the submissions rhymed with “Petraeus” and some of them even made sense, here are the lines that the Borowitz Report has decided to forward to Moveon.org:

“Get us out before they fillet us.”

“Urging private contractors to slay us.”

“And when will the world pay us?”

From Shakespeare:

“This doth really dismay us.”

From Bob Barker:

“Don’t forget to neuter and spay us.”

And from Yoda:

“Please remove from this fray us.”

*** end of report***

I says, nice tries, dudes, but make way for the professionals.
Here is one, really, really mean, from A Twist of Word and Mind:

Oye, General Petraeus!
Did you really betray us?
You came over Iraq’s
Bloody limbs and cracks,
And with enough to spray us!

INDEPENDENCE DAY DAWDLE

Looking in the Universe,
There is a blog of Verse,
That deals with random news,
Lest I offer you muse-reviews,
Hit it, before my verse gets worse!

There is another one with brain,
That will, on proud India’s parade, rain;
You will doubtless be trapped
And your lackings rapped,
By its owner’s Objective refrain!


So, I went into a blog of limericks, and read my first Indian Independence Day blog post at Leitmotif and thought, maybe, may…be, I can pull off a post on the 15th of August event in limericks.
I started off with a jab at our moral attitudes:

We are very correct, we are!
We’ll go by foot, or by car
To see the Bar Ladies dance,
And give the virus a chance,
But no sex ed, no, by far!

No. Not good enough. Try again:

One gets a fright (or delight?),
To see that Right is Might,
As modern day India emerges,
The Rational Patriotic Fool submerges
In reserved and religious blight!

Too obscure. No one can unravel this, Dr. Profunda limerickus!
Ok, one more try:

Since the day we got freed,
Became Desi-ed Indians, not Cree-ed,
We’re no more at the Queen’s mercy,
And quite free from (a troubled) literacy,
So, on this 15th, let us freely breed!

(This is just not working. Give it up, and do some work!)
Sigh… yet another failed operation!!

Limericks: III


There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think,
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

Limericks: II

I wrote this when Ms. Michelle Bachelete became the first woman President of Chile, in March 2006:


“There was a young woman of Chile,

Who wanted to do something sille.

She tried her luck in politics,

But she developed fits, tics and hics,

Now she jerks violently, be it chille or wille!”

Limericks: I

There is a guy from SA called Eric who posted this:


“There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn’t have been,
If his father had seen
That the tip of his condom was torn.”


My reply to him was:
“A good one, Mister Erick!
Let me be real quick
In asking you about the French letter:
Does it make the sex better,
Or is it just a cover for a shy dick?”

Gil Ross says:

“A limerick is a five-line poem written with one couplet and one triplet. If
a couplet is a two-line rhymed poem, then a triplet would be a three-line
rhymed poem. The rhyme pattern is a a b b a with lines 1, 2 and 5 containing
3 beats and rhyming, and lines 3 and 4 having two beats and rhyming. Some
people say that the limerick was invented by soldiers returning from France
to the Irish town of Limerick in the 1700’s.

Limericks are meant to be funny. They often contain hyperbole, onomatopoeia,
idioms, puns, and other figurative devices. The last line of a good limerick
contains the PUNCH LINE or “heart of the joke.” As you work with limericks,
remember to have pun, I mean FUN! Say the following limericks out loud and
clap to the rhythm.

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee.”
“Let us fly,” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

To which I say:

“Here I am, aroused by a fly,
Tho’ true ’tis, I will not lie,
Next to you, or to you,
In Paris or in Peru,
In straight sex will I rely!”