Category Archives: limericks

YESTERDAY

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. On this day, and the week around that, people of Irish descent do all sorts of funny things and crack jokes on leprechauns and stuff, but a certain class of people write limericks. I did, too.

In the long gone past, I had written some limericks and how they are supposed to be. A limerick, in (my) briefs, has to be spicy and naughty.

This is one I wrote yesterday:

On St. Pat’s Day
She and I had it my way,
I left without my purse,
But she had the curse,
I didn’t get it, but she did pay.

The week preceding that was another not-so-good effort:

Is it this week we pick
For the sick limerick?
Or is it my mind,
Just trying to find
A way to tweak the weak wick?

You can’t tell me I don’t try, though it takes me not more than the time to type it once and edit it thereafter.

A SUNNY STORY

When it bites, the bug
I feel a strong tug
To be me, careless and vain,
Throw words in a rhythmic chain
And focus on getting some grub.

Here is a short story in limerick:

“Always the money, honey!”
Said Mummy to Sunny.
“If you want to be good,
Become a rich dude,
Not poor and funny.”

Older as Sunny grew,
The better he knew
That money is the root of evil.
But it came through a will,
With currency, his morals he threw.

While he grew richer,
He saw a pretty picture:
A lass- love at first sight!
She, with great insight
Married this rich letcher.

On their first night
They had a fight:
She wanted one grand first,
He wanted to just enjoy his lust,
We’ll never know who was more tight!

OK, ANOTHER PETRAEUS LIMERICK

You are probably wondering why I am suddenly obsessing with General Petraeus, with another limerick on him within twenty four hours of the first.
Well, the way the Borowitz/Moveon limerick was structured, it was difficult to make a good limerick out of it. I tried in my previous attempt, but it probably was a bit obscure, as many of mine do get.
If you read the old one again, you will understand it better if you realise he came in to Iraq only recently, and
So, to cut a short story shorter, here is what I think is a better Petraeus limerick:

Why, General Petraeus,
Looks like they flay us,
Down the streets of Iraq,
Where they mute even a rifle’s crack
With their bombs and prayers.

THE PETRAEUS LIMERICK: THE ULTIMATE ENTRY!

Andy Borowitz (about whom I learnt from Arunk) speaks in today’s report:
Yesterday the Borowitz Report reported that Moveon.org was planning a “really mean” limerick about General David Petraeus. According to the story, Moveon had composed the first four lines of the poem, but was stumped about the fifth and last line:

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
(last line here)

Within minutes, The Borowitz Report was deluged with hundreds of submissions from readers offering a last line to Moveon.org’s mean limerick. While almost all of the submissions rhymed with “Petraeus” and some of them even made sense, here are the lines that the Borowitz Report has decided to forward to Moveon.org:

“Get us out before they fillet us.”

“Urging private contractors to slay us.”

“And when will the world pay us?”

From Shakespeare:

“This doth really dismay us.”

From Bob Barker:

“Don’t forget to neuter and spay us.”

And from Yoda:

“Please remove from this fray us.”

*** end of report***

I says, nice tries, dudes, but make way for the professionals.
Here is one, really, really mean, from A Twist of Word and Mind:

Oye, General Petraeus!
Did you really betray us?
You came over Iraq’s
Bloody limbs and cracks,
And with enough to spray us!