Category Archives: PC Chidambaram

TWEETING, TWITTING, SHI…. SAME DIFFERENCE?

I am using this post to publish some random thoughts that wouldn’t fit in any other category than ‘random thoughts’. So I thought I would post them like people do in Twitter, a site that proves once again that the greatest and most successful inventions these days have to be the most apparently useless ones. Okay, enough to ‘provocate’ (which is, you might agree, a much more ‘punchy’ word than ‘provoke’) Twitterers (or whatever they are called).

But, first, the soft sell: follow me at Twitter.

Here are my random thoughts of the day (without the 140 character limits):

Dell Computers are taking $99 from customers if they want local American voices answering their phone calls. It would be better to ask them to pay $999, and give them an iMac or something. Do Dell computers really work? Can you give me the serial number of the one that does?

Arun Shourie wants to take out Pakistan, Bush-style: “Two eyes for one, whole jaw for a tooth”. What say we send him and Sunny Deol to take out the LeT camps across the border?

A patient of mine who needed surgery for gallstones tells me, “I don’t want to take the risk of surgery, I want some medicines”. To which I replied, “You know what, that is like me saying the stock market is too risky, I am investing all my money in lottery tickets these days!”

Pre-payment penalties for home loans are going to go, says the Economic Times. Now that Mr. Chidambaram is Home Minister, we will face payment penalties if we pay the home loans. Home loan waivers, as Ramesh Shrivats said, are the way to go!

Pranab Mukherjee had a hacking cough while gargling away the smell of the Hilsa fish he had for lunch. The Pakistanis immediately readied their army for war. You see, when he speaks English threatening dire consequences, they think he is just gargling, and vice versa.

Now I need to get back to work.

OY, SHUN THESE WORDS!

pc-budgetindia
(pic source: topnews.in
India’s Finance Minister, Mr. P Chidambaram (affectionately called PC) has advised his countrymen not to use certain words. A Twist of Word and Mind has the exclusive excerpts of his speech. If this country’s economy were not on the cholera commode, I would have asked for money for readers wanting to enjoy his historic speech. Anyways, such is the life of the unfortunate many who are not destined to make big money. Here is PC’s exclusive remarks he made to us:

I strongly caution the media against using the word ‘recession’ when referring to the Indian economy. We are not in a recession. We are merely in growth retardation, like a midget, sorry for not being PC!
You should, similarly, avoid using words loosely. After all, the Indian media cannot behave like an irresponsible blogger who misused his invite to the Leadership Summit in New Delhi last week. That was insinuation, another word we don’t want to see too often.
There is no confusion, either in me, or in the minds of the High Command. You cannot make good pasta if you are confused. You know, the art of pasta making is very precise and scientific. In a way, it is the culinary equivalent of sending a rocket to the moon. Imagine: a hundred different pastas, and each has a different boiling time. Each one is different: for example, you can’t use the shell types in a dry garlic-olive mix, you need it to be soaking in lots of gravy or soup. I could go on and on, as I have done a lot of research on this before I became Finance Minister, but let me get on to other equally important subjects. Don’t say there is confusion. There is none.
Don’t talk of the Opposition: there is none. We do not need one. We just need more position.
I hate people using the F word: there is no inFlation: we deFlated it. And this is thanks to the media. If they had not gone hammer and tongs at us over the weekly inflation data, we would not have created this economic growth retardation. After all, if you kill growth, there won’t be any inflation, will there?

But, Sir, what about Zimbabwe? There is a 225 million percent inflation there, and the only growth they have is of the HIV virus. How can you…”

Please let us not compare spaghetti and vermicelli. We cannot compare with an advanced country like Zimbabwe. They even have more monkeys than we have, if you don’t count the Bajrang Dal!
Like I was saying, the media and the blogging community together have to be sensitive about the language. We are not negative, there are actually words we like: punctuation, dictation, relation, donation, election, defection, etc. But let us not use offensive words. Let us be Politically Correct (the real PC, I say, haha!) in our language. We like to see our people use more words like reservation, but not words like secession. Commission yes, corruption no. Seduction and secretion is good, not … let me not run out of words!
I would like you to create a Commission to make a list of shun-words that create inflammation in the minds of our silly public. Why don’t you put your suggestions for our implementation in our next media policy?