SAVING THE TERRORIST

I have been in Mumbai in the situation it finds itself in at present. I have been in the forefront of a disaster management team (to flatter a rag-tag army of residents, nurses, ward-boys and Superintendents in a Hospital) when the Babri Masjid riots took place in 1992, and, not much later, when the Bombay Stock Exchange and Air India were blown up.

I saw from close quarters how barbaric people can be in the headwinds of the irrationality of collectivism (often religion). I am talking of general wholesale slaughter of any person of a community if he made the mistake of being seen. It cut both ways, and this was doubly unfortunate during the Babri Masjid riots.

I wonder, upon learning that the poor little innocent boy who shot a few people in the railway station (the name changed from Victoria Terminus to the more elegant-sounding and hip CST), wants to live. Poor baby! How can you not want to?
I was thinking if I were the surgeon operating on him (assuming he had major gunshot wounds-which he had not), wouldn’t I have been tempted to let my knife slip near a major vessel and see some major bleeding, thereby causing, if not death, definitely major morbidity?

I would well be tempted, truth to tell. I would have controlled my temptation by telling myself, “He is precious to the country for what secrets he will reveal and your job is to heal, not to kill”. A moment after I think this, I am reminded of the Afzal Mahmoods of the world who got escorted and released by a rat-faced Indian Foreign Minister when Taliban terrorists hijacked an Indian plane to Kandahar.

I am happy I am not treating this dear little kid. I would have actually wrung his neck with my bare hands. Forget the knife (I cannot commit surgical murder-for that I expect to be paid), but with my bare hands, I would have loved to pinch his jugulars and lovingly choke his larynx. A ‘thank you for visiting India’ on behalf of the hundreds of people killed and maimed by him and his friends.

Nevertheless, I wonder: “What is the duty of a doctor to the enemy in times of war?”
I know the textbook answer. I am not sure how real it is. Especially in this kind of war.

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 09-27-08

This is another mega post.

PART ONE

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

The federal government will bail out the financial industry. It’s broke, operationally defunct, and is headed by greedy, power grabbing weasels. And the financial system ain’t in good shape either. (Alan Ray)

The financial crisis is getting worse. A bailout is in the works. Today, Congress declared, “The days of getting money just for the asking, are over. Then, they asked for $700 billion. (Jay Leno)

You know the way a bailout works? Here’s the way a bailout works. A failed president and a failed Congress invest $700 billion of your money in failed businesses. Believe me, this can’t fail. (Jay Leno)

Bush is pissed about the trillion dollar thing. Usually, when he spends that kind of money on a country, he gets to bomb the shit out of it, too. (Bill Maher)

The federal government announced a plan to spend a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan. It was either that, or Sarah Palin’s idea to sell it all on eBay. (Bill Maher)

Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it’s Chapter 11. (Jay Leno)

By ceasing campaigning and returning to Washington to skuttle the Bush “Bailout Plan,” John McCain hopes to convince the American voter that it is he and not his opponent who is most fit to make the changes necessary to stop the Bush policies that are throwing the country into a depression. (Stan Kegel)

The government had to bail out two huge companies, and today they strongly hinted that they’d bail out others at taxpayers’ expense of course. It’s all part of a new approach that leaders in the White House and Congress are taking — it’s called socialism. (Jimmy Kimmel)

Now that the federal government is about to own your mortgage, things are going to change. For example, when your toilet clogs, you can call your Congressman. (Jake Novak)

An activist in Alaska is trying to get Sarah Palin to release 1,000 e-mails that she is withholding from the public. Apparently some e-mails went unanswered with the subject line, “Mom I Need to Talk With You About Birth Control.” (Conan O’Brien)

Sarah Palin has only two days to meet with seven world leaders and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger in New York City this week. It’s like speed presidential dating. (Pedro Bartes)

AFIRMATIVE ACTION: A NEW ERA BECKONS!

Science fiction becomes official policy.
According to this article:

Yesterday the Department of Defense announced the creation of the Armed Forces Institute of Regenerative Medicine, which will go by the happy acronym AFIRM. According to DOD’s news service, AFIRM will “harness stem cell research and technology … to reconstruct new skin, muscles and tendons, and even ears, noses and fingers.”

“Not another stem cell article”, you decry? Among the new developments in medical labs, we have watched with fascination the creation of artificial livers and other tissues. Now, this research is going to be the focus of the US Department of Defense. This could potentially re-arm the amputees of war. This could restore limb function and mobility to those whose spinal cords have got damaged in accidents and bullet injuries. Think of restored vision, too. The benefits could spill-over into civilian health care as well.

Don’t underestimate this development. This could change life for ordinary human beings in a way politicians, bombers, terrorists and environmentalists cannot. More strength and more money to AFIRM, I say!

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 03-22-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Hey, anybody see the new $5 bill that just came out? The Treasury has taken steps to discourage counterfeiters, such as making it worth less than a dollar. (Jay Leno)

So, let’s see, Jim McGreevey was having three-ways. Eliot Spitzer was having sex with prostitutes. The new governor, David Paterson, was having an affair. You realize the only politician in New York not getting any sex — Hillary Clinton. (Jay Leno)

So the last governor was going to hookers. The new governor admits to having an affair. Do you think New York is longing for the good old days when Rudy Giuliani would just run around in women’s clothes? (Jay Leno)

President Bush is urging the American public to have patience with the economy. It’s taken him seven years to mess things up this much, so he needs a little more time to finish what he started. (Jim Barach)

President Bush spoke about the war in Iraq again today. This week marks the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the war. Bush said turning back now would harm all the gains we’ve made. Like oil $100 a barrel, worthless dollar, a recession. We can’t afford to lose any of that! (Jay Leno)

On pharmaceuticals being found in the water supplies of several cities: “Drug companies now want to charge a co-pay along with everyone’s monthly water bill. (Jim Barach)

The dollar has fallen fast on the world market. In fact, there has now been a request to take “In God We Trust” off the bill. The request came from God. (Jay Leno)

Colin Powell was presented with a birthday cake on the fifth anniversary of the start of the Iraq War. Candles in the shape of miniature rockets decorated the cake, and the plates bore photo reproductions of the slides he showed the U.N. proving there were weapons of mass destruction. Just as he was about to cut the cake it blew up in his face. (Scott Witt)

St. Paul, MINN — A bill is moving through the State House that will ban convicted sex offenders from using My Space and Face Book. It’s Minnesota’s effort to get sex offenders off the internet and back into airport mens rooms where they belong. (Bob Mills)

According to a new CNN poll just out today, John McCain would win the presidential election if only beer drinkers voted. Now, a Democrat, either Hillary or Barack would win, if only wine drinkers voted. But here’s the interesting part, if we all got really drunk on tequila, Ralph Nader might actually have a shot. (Jay Leno)

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 03-01-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Hillary Clinton still doing very well in one state: the state of denial. (Jay Leno)

According to a research, a big number of Americans are still reluctant to vote for minorities, which is bad news for blacks, women and Republicans. (Pedro Bartes)

The House Commerce Committee tried to force pro sports to freeze athletes’ blood and store it for future HGH testing. The administration opposes the idea, calling it unconstitutional. Republicans are constitutionally opposed to bleeding rich people. (Argus Hamilton)

Roger Clemens faces a perjury probe today for denying steroid use to the House Oversight Committee. It seems a little harsh to charge him with lying to Congress. It’s not like everybody believed him and invaded Iraq on the strength of what he said. (Argus Hamilton)

What do you call somebody at a Ralph Nader campaign rally? Ralph Nader. That’s the only one there. (Jay Leno)

Well, you know who’s thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain. He’s not the oldest guy anymore. (Jay Leno)

Barack Obama was accused of plagiarizing words from another politician. He says it’s no big deal, that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself and that in four score and seven years from now, who will remember? (Jim Barach)

President Bush said that the economy was not in a recession, leading economists to conclude that the economy was in a recession. (Andy Borowitz)

The Secret Service ordered Dallas police to stop screening people for weapons as they entered an arena for Barack Obama’s speech Wednesday because the line was slow. There’s no reason to worry. For crying out loud, it’s Dallas, what could happen? (Argus Hamilton)

Obama and Hillary argued last night over which candidate the Republicans are most afraid of. Interesting. I don’t want to take sides here, but I think it’s pretty obvious which candidate Republicans are most afraid of: John McCain. (Jay Leno)

Several states are investigating Bud and Miller Brewing for caffeinated alcohol products. Apparently the drinks keep you just awake enough to get in your car and drive while drunk. (Jim Barach)

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 02-09-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Today is the start of the Year of the Rat in the Chinese calendar. Congratulations to all the members of congress! (Pedro Bartes)

Once again there’s talk of printing political ads on toilet paper, but it won’t work because most Republicans can’t read and most Democrats don’t use toilet paper. (Scott Witt)

President Bush has become the first president to post his federal budget online and not print it. You can check it at http://www.WeAreAllScrewed.com. (Pedro Bartes)

Eli Manning led New York to Super Bowl victory Sunday a year after his brother Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl for Indianapolis. The money is going to roll in now. By next week Archie Manning will be commanding higher stud fees than Secretariat. (Argus Hamilton)

John McCain says he has a lot in common with Ronald Reagan, mainly the Alzheimer. (Pedro Bartes)

Happy birthday to Ellen DeGeneres. Fifty years old today. I’m starting to worry she’ll never find the right guy. (David Letterman)

A company here in Los Angeles is making dolls of all these current political figures…. They’re not like normal dolls where you pull the string and the dolls talk. These are a little different. These, you have to make a large donation to their campaign and then the dolls will say and do whatever you want. (Jay Leno)

The New York Giants stunned the previously undefeated Tom Brady and the New England Patriots by winning Super Bowl XLII. Brady was later consoled by his supermodel girlfriend, who assured him that “this happens to lots of guys.” (Jake Novak)

Both the Republicans and the Democrats have competing growth packages. Let me tell you something, the only person with a growth package in this country that works — Barry Bonds. (Jay Leno)

John Edwards said that even though he is out of the presidential race, he still cares for the little people. And today, to prove it, he had lunch with Dennis Kucinich. (Jay Leno)

John McCain is counting on carrying big cities where political machines prevail, expecting to get the dead man vote because he feels so close to them. (Scott Witt)

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 01-26-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Are you folks worried about the economy? Stock market crumbling. Everybody’s crazy about this. Don’t worry. George W. Bush says he’s got something in mind to give it a shot in the arm. And if that doesn’t work, Cheney is going to give it a shot in the face. (David Letterman)

Once again there’s talk of printing political ads on toilet paper, but it won’t work because most Republicans can’t read and most Democrats don’t use toilet paper. (Scott Witt)

Osama bin Laden’s son announced today that he wants to be a peace activist. Talk about rebelling against your parents! (Craig Ferguson)

New research shows that flu germs can be transmitted via paper money. Fortunately for everybody, we have an administration that is doing anything they can to fight the flu by spreading poverty. (Pedro Bartes)

In response to a plummeting stock market, record unemployment and home mortgage foreclosures, spiraling gas prices and a sinking dollar, Bush predicts things will be “just fine” if Congress approves his $150 billion “stimulus package” which will provide taxpayer relief and a tax incentives for business investment. Pardon me, but isn’t this a little like the captain of the Titanic offering the passengers free swimming lessons? (Bob Mills)

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Logan and Britney Spears have been going out together every night to party. Actually it’s even worse than it sounds because Lindsay Lohan is their designated driver. (Conan O’Brien)

Oprah Winfrey is getting her own television network. It will be called OWN. The name comes from Oprah’s goal to own the entire country by 2012. (Jim Barach)

A right wing Christian evangelical group claims that Heath Ledger is now burning in hell for eternity for playing a homosexual in ‘Broke Back Mountain’ and is threatening to picket the Oscars to dramatize their moral disgust over film industry praise for the young actor. The pulpit pounders have also condemned Susanne Pleshette for playing Bob Newhart’s wife while everyone knew he was already married. (Bob Mills)

Florida is the big one for the Republicans. In fact, Florida is the first state where Rudy Giuliani is seriously campaigning. See, for Giuliani, primaries are kind of like marriages. The first two or three don’t really count. (Jay Leno)

A study in England says that children universally dislike clowns. However, millions of Americans usually vote for one every four years. (Jim Barach)

John McCain is counting on carrying big cities where political machines prevail, expecting to get the dead man vote because he feels so close to them. (Scott Witt)

Hillary and Bill Clinton’s attacks against Barack Obama are getting fiercer by the day, leading Americans to believe the best way to defeat the terrorism is to somehow convince Mrs. Clinton that al Qaeda is running against her in a primary. (Jake Novak)

During a service to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr in Harlem, Bill Clinton was caught nodding off. He claimed later that like MLK he was also having a dream, but his involved, thongs, cigars and chubby interns. (Pedro Bartes)

Well, Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race. Do you think he knows yet?… It’s kind of sad. The only thing standing between Fred and the White House — the American people. (Jay Leno)

Cuba held parliamentary elections throughout the island Sunday. There was only one name on the ballot in each district and no campaigning allowed. For the forty-ninth year Fidel Castro was unanimously elected president by a vote of one to nothing. (Argus Hamilton)

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg met with Ross Perot’s former campaign manager. What’s his next move, a meeting with Ralph Nader’s wardrobe consultant? (Jim Barach)

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 01-19-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

President Bush says he’s worried Iraq will be overrun by religious fundamentalists. Hey, let me tell you something. If it’s good enough for the Republican Party, it is good enough for Iraq. (Jay Leno)

The U.N. is calling a U.S. report that claims Iran is developing weapons-grade nuclear technology “outrageous”. In its defense, the U.S. pointed out that its intelligence has never been wrong before. (Jake Novak)

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year. (Author Unknown)

Other than not drinking the water, what is the one thing you should never do in Mexico?
Jessica Simpson (Author Unknown)

On Tony Roma dating Jessica Simpson, and Matt Leinart dating Paris Hilton: It’s part of the NFL’s new program, “No Bimbo Left Behind.” (Scott Ostler)

I looks like the Democratic field really starting to get narrowed down. For Democrats, it’s going to be Barack Obama versus Hillary. So, it’s a black man or a white woman. You know, this is the same decision Michael Jackson has to make every morning of his life. (Jay Leno)

Do you realize how huge ‘American Idol’ is? It’s huge! More Americans will participate in ‘American Idol’ than in the election of our next president. It’s true. That’s a true fact. And they’ll be happier about the result. (Conan O’Brien)

According to a new survey, 11 percent of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States on a map of the world. How pathetic is that? President Bush commented on this today, he said, “Why do we need our kids to find the U. S. on a map? They’re already here.” (Jay Leno)

Hillary Clinton was the only Democratic candidate on Michigan’s primary ballot Monday after Barack Obama and John Edwards dropped out. Her opponent on the ballot was a box marked Uncommitted. It’s the first time she’s ever run against her husband. (Argus Hamilton)

President Bush is currently visiting our good friends in Saudi Arabia. Today, President Bush said the Saudis are fully enlisted in the war on terrorism. Oh, yeah. So fully, they’re on both sides. (Jay Leno)

The United States seems to be experiencing a baby boomlet, reporting the largest number of children born in 45 years. Researchers believe that number of births could increase even more considering that writers are on strike and all the TV shows are crap. (Pedro Bartes)

The White House announces today it will sell Saudi Arabia twenty billion dollars worth of jet bombers with precision-guided bombs. Not to worry. We’re also going to sell Israel twenty billion dollars worth of anti-aircraft missiles to shoot them down. (Argus Hamilton)

Now that the government has approved genetically-engineered animal and dairy products, Ben and Jerry are planning their first ice cream clone. (Scott Witt)

President Bush says the U.S. presence in Iraq will outlast his presidency. The question is, will the U.S. outlast his presidency? (Jim Barach)

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 01-05-08

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

The Iowa Caucuses are held tomorrow after a hard-fought campaign. Hollywood is watching very closely. When the Los Angeles Times headlined Monday that Hillary was in a three-way with Obama and Edwards, everyone here figured that turnabout is fair play. (Argus Hamilton)

Shaquille O’Neal had a hat trick in a recent Heat game. He had a dunk, a blocked shot and an air ball from the free-throw line. (Dan Daly, Washington Times

On Russian President Vladimir Putin being chosen as Time magazine’s Person of the Year: Al Gore finished in second. When asked what it was like to lose to a dictator of a floundering country who had no regard for civil rights, Gore said, “Been there, done that.” (Jim Barach)

Rudy Giuliani has decided to bypass Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, and put all his chips on the primary in Florida. Giuliani’s campaign must be in critical condition to opt for a triple bypass. (Patrick Gorse)

The Census Bureau says the U.S. will reach 303 million on January 1st. There will be a welcoming committee with prizes awaiting the landmark American as soon as they come across the border. (Jim Barach)

2008 predictions – February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs’ waterboarding videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition to videotaping. (Andy Borowitz)

Contest officials in Texas disqualified a six-year old from winning a free trip to New York City to attend a Hanna Montana concert after her mom admitted helping the youngster write an essay claiming her dad was a casualty in Iraq. All is not lost, however. The girl has been hired to play a fake disaster victim at FEMA press conferences. (Bob Mills)

LINKS TO THE WEB

Lirty Dies: 2007 in Review

This is Hilarious if you like Spoonerisms

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 12-29-07

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Mitt Romney’s tried to run a perfect campaign. Looks like he’s been dipped in a polyurethane bath. Flip-flopped so much he’s in danger of triggering a Stage Four John Kerry Alert. His campaign ads should close with “I’m Mitt Romney, and I both approve and disapprove of this ad.” (Will Durst)

“Charlie Wilson’s War” got rave reviews as a comedy set during the Cold War. The world was safer then. During the Cold War, world peace depended on the balance of power between the U.S. and Russia, while today it depends on the president’s blood sugar level. (Argus Hamilton)

Jamie Lynn Spears’ 19 year old boyfriend may be charged with felony carnal knowledge of a minor. Spears and her boyfriend both live In Louisiana, where sex is against the law with anyone under 17. Unless they are a blood relative. (Jim Barach)

A Japanese study holds out the promise that stem cells from liposuctioned fat could be used to increase women’s breast size without the use of implants. Today Bill Clinton called for a 30 percent increase in funding for stem cell research. (Gary Bachman)

Rupert Murdoch, who is about to take over Dow Jones, has told the staff he expects big things and will no longer allow the Dow Jones 30 Industrials to be just average. (Scott Witt)

Voters in Iowa got a short break from the presidential candidates over Christmas. Explains why the state legislature is proposing a bill to proclaim everyday Christmas. (Bob Hirschfeld)

Officials at the U.S. State Department are trying to bring calm to Pakistan… but so far all they can offer is the Patriots-Giants game on free TV. (Jake Novak)

Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman in the Gallup Poll Wednesday ahead of Oprah and Queen Elizabeth. It doesn’t mean she’ll be president. If people told pollsters the truth, Britney Spears would have won this award for the last five years. (Argus Hamilton)

Paris Hilton’s mother Kathy is auctioning off celebrity items on eBay to raise money for charity. The auction items include several pair of Paris’ jeans. They are popular because they are so easy to get into. (Jim Barach)

Russian President Vladimir Putin was chosen as Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year”. Al Gore finished in second. When asked what it was like to lose to a dictator of a floundering country who has no regard for civil rights, Gore said “Been there.” (Jim Barach)