THE MAY CHALLENGE!

My brudder, the Six Pack Doc, has issued a May Challenge that calls for a 10 lb fat loss in one month while getting stronger.
Is that even possible? I think you can either lose fat or gain muscle, but not do both at the same time.
Check it out yourself then!

COMPENSATING A BAD MEAL

Over at his blog, the Six Pack Doc talks about balancing caloric intake after you have had a bad nutritional day, pigging out on food and causing nutritional havoc.
If you want to share the gory details of his nutritional excesses, please go there, and spare me!

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 04-11-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

How many miss the good old days, when America was just morally bankrupt? (Gil Ross)

One day the market is up the next it is down, up and down up and down, on and off, on and off, this isn’t a bull or bear market, it’s a Paris Hilton market. (Alex Kaseberg)

Hey, before we get started tonight, I want to remind any potential cabinet members you have until April 15th to not pay your taxes, okay? (Jay Leno)

London hosted a Group of Twenty meeting Wednesday amid chaos. Chinese communists are now the capitalists, France’s president is Hungarian, the Anglo-Saxons are being led by a socialist and a Kenyan, and Germany is refusing to send troops into other countries. Astronauts aboard the Space Station report the Earth is spinning backwards. (Argus Hamilton)

A seismologist said that his warning of the quake in Italy was removed from the internet. Officials said his warning was based on shaky research. (Robert Stupple)

Plaxico Burress, released by Giants, awaits next shot with another team. (Dwight Perry)

President Obama received a private audience with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace Wednesday. She spoke quite firmly with him. She reminded him that if the United States is going to return to absolute monarchy she’s got first claim on the job. (Argus Hamilton)

Washington State’s execution team has resigned. Apparently they heard that the economy was going to cause a lot of heads to roll. (Jim Barach)
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BLOG BAZAAR CHAOS (BBC)

In one of those infinitely crazy moments that have always exemplified His Non-existence, the Great God overseeing the Virtual World (Webramha) decided to amuse himself by putting together a bunch of virtual people and getting them to interact with each other, with each taking up the last thread of a mad conversation. Some of these folk may resemble familiar people, but you alone are responsible for assuming any resemblance. The following is the excerpt from the BBC WordPress Report.

Dirtymindoc: Hi, gays, I mean guys! How are you feelin’? Heh, heh, if you know what I mean? My old girlfriends always had hard feelings for me, you know?
Pal’s Coughing Phallus: I had a late night thought: do feelings go through your hands and mind at the same time? And if my Hand’s feelings are due to Hormones, are my Mind’s feelings due of Mormones?
Dirtymindoc: Yes, more moans, Pal! That is our religion.
Kool Karni Nita: In India, according to the last Special Committee on Religions Report, there are more than 743 of them. Of this, there are 733 variations of Hinduism.
Flabbydoc: There are 733 variations of the push-up. Would you like to see one where I keep the scapula protracted?
Dirtymindoc: Interesting. Can you keep your scapula protracted when you are, you know, pushed up? Heh, heh!
Pal’s Coughing Phallus: I had a late night thought: Can Don do push-ups?
Kreema: I saw Don 23 times and blogged about it 24 times. Did you read them, ki na?
Litterabuse: I have don something akin to it 42 times. :-p
Shefolly: Why did Michelle Obama smiley at the Queen? Read my latest blog post over at my other blog. Just make sure you are wearing a tie. And please don’t go beyond smiling.
Flabbydoc: Smiling is an aerobic exercise. As research has shown us again and again, it is anerobic exercise which can burn fat in 7 days. I challenge you to smile intensely for 7 days and see the difference.
See-smut: It was the difference that caught her eye. He was so strikingly unsmiling. She thought, a warm summer breeze would freeze near him. The river stood silently beside her. Brooding. Grim. Cold.
Shefolly: It is cold in London today, as brilliantly shown in Penniless Dope’s latest blog post. However, many (less intelligent, hélas!) deny this, while the Pope….
Pal’s Coughing Phallus: The Pope is (according to the Authority on Authoritarians) God’s Weapon of Mass Distortion. I had a late night thought: is Distortion of Reality part of Reality or a part of Distortion?
Cracked Nippil: You get Distortion of Reality if you drink too little beer. I would normally drink real fucking beer back home, not the kind of donkey piss that I am forced to have now that I am stranded in Mumbai with a stacked chick and that I am suffering from what my fucking doctor calls as ‘Nippil Distortion, that perverted jerk!
Kreema: Distortion was one of my exam questions this year. As you know, I am one of the most awarded bloggers in here. I even did an award-winning tag on ” Eighty Distorted Things in My Life” where I had 127 smileys in the main post and 289 of them in the 66 comments that followed.
Kool Karni Nita: Me too don’t like too many comments. That is why I have made a limit of 15,000 comments for each post. That way, I don’t have to answer too many comments, and I get more time to devote to my hubby and my freelance work.
Dirtymindoc: Yeah, I like ‘free lance‘. Heh, heh!
Rada: He…he… he was actually trying to touch my feet, imagine that!! Thinking he could get pubbed in Dishypundit, but am so not into all this, you know?! I was with my daughter when this…
Danish Bobby : You know, my daughter asked me, “If you get free speech in the US, where do you get a free lunch?”
Shocki: It was a free lunch where Kavita met him. His manly looks instantly got her attention, but it was when he smiled that her heart went fluttering. Subconsciously, she fingered her wedding ring, while the baby in her belly gave her a smart kick. Choking her tears, she looked away.
Flabbydoc: Looking away is a great way of exercising the sternomastoid muscle. If you really want to develop six packs in the neck, you must look away and up, and hold it for ten seconds. Repeat a hundred times in one set, and four sets of this will give you great results in a few years. But you will look different (though in a weird direction)!
God: I am the One giving Directions here. Cut (the freakin’ crap)!

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 04-04-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

So, it’s pretty crazy. Look, we’re bailing out Wall Street, we’re bailing out banks, we’re bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there’s a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government? (Jay Leno)

Ruth Madoff is now accusing Bernie Madoff of having an extra-marital affair. Like Bernie wasn’t screwing enough people before. (Alex Kaseberg)

President Obama is in London but he is still following his Final Four – Chase, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan and Bank of America. (Janice Hough)

MTV, Music Television, is putting actual music videos back on their network. If it works, Fox News said they’ll start doing actual news again. (Craig Ferguson)

Researchers at the University of Westminster in England have developed a simple and convenient way of screening for STDs which involves sending a used tampon through the mail. The company said they might start testing this for free with some women… no strings attache (Pedro Bartes)

Last night, the audience was as quiet as a General Motors showroom. (David Letterman)

The Senate is reviewing how college picks the number one team. Thank goodness they finally have the economy back on track and the war in Iraq under control. (Jim Barach)

In a speech in Anchorage, Alaska, Sarah Palin took kind of a cheap shot at her former running mate, John McCain. She said she couldn’t find anyone to pray with during the campaign. She’s not the only one. Between Jesse Jackson and Reverend Wright, Obama couldn’t find anybody to pray with either. (Jay Leno)

One day the market is up the next it is down, up and down up and down, on and off, on and off, this isn’t a bull or bear market, it’s a Paris Hilton market. (Alex Kaseberg)

The average American now works to support one spouse, three kids, four banks and two car companies. (Sid Knowles)

China says it wants to replace the U. S. dollar with a new global currency. They want to move from a gold-based standard to a lead-based standard. (Jay Leno)

The Senate Judiciary Committee plans to hold hearings on the Bowl Championship Series in college football. They want to probe anti-trust violations. When the BCS installed a Microsoft operating system in their computer they were just asking for it. (Argus Hamilton)
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UNWISE VICE-CRACKS

So this patient of mine (and it was a tough day, lemme tell ya) is asking me in my Outpatient Department room, “So, Doctor, when you say drink a lot of water, why do you say that?”
Me: “Because it is getting hot, and you would lose a lot of fluids from your body.”
Patient: “And how much should I drink?”
Me (increasingly restless with the thought of more such specimen waiting outside): “Around 5 liters…”
Patient: “Should I drink all of 5 liters in the morning?”
Me: “Yes, definitely, if you can. But remember, if you do so, you should NOT drink any more water for the rest of the day.”
Patient (in auto-TV reporter mode): “And how should I drink this?”
Me: “By chewing every mouthful of water properly. Every time.”
There is a class of patient (usually the relative of one) who is born to be a TV reporter. One patient’s husband asked me questions like, “How do you know this doctor (the referring physician)?”, “Where did you study?”, “Are you a South Indian?” and even about my physical lackings (you know how people in India think you have TB if you are looking thinner and ask, “You have become so thin. You used to be more healthy in the past. Why is that?”). To this last question, my patience (not my patients, though) ran out and I said crisply, “Because camel’s milk, which I love to drink, is not available in the stores any more. Can you get me some?”
Then there are patients’ relatives whose stories would need blog posts in their own merit, so honorably funny they were.
Have you encountered the reporter types in the past?

WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS 03-28-09

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

I have a plan to end the war in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Here’s what we do. We bring all our soldiers home. We send in our investment bankers. They’ll screw up the place in six months. Six months! (Jay Leno)

There is a heavyweight boxing contender named Christobal Arreola. And contender is no titular title, this Arreola is no boob, he is quite a knocker in the ring, but we will keep you abreast of Arreola’s progress. (Alex Kaseberg)

Earlier today, President Obama filled three of the remaining top jobs at the Treasury Department. Their job will be to collect taxes from all the other cabinet members that haven’t paid them yet. (Jay Leno)

President Obama told reporters Tuesday that his budget will build a foundation for economic recovery. He warned it could get worse before it gets better. Things are so tough that even people not in Obama’s administration aren’t paying their taxes. (Argus Hamilton)

Special Relationship starring Dennis Quaid as Bill Clinton and Julianne Moore as Hillary begins filming in July about the Lewinsky scandal. It faces delays. The producers want to audition two hundred more actresses for the role of Monica Lewinsky. (Argus Hamilton)

A local high school student explained global warming was due to the extra hour of daily sunshine due to daylight savings time. (Stan Kegel)

At a newsconference last night, President Obama promised to reduce the deficit by borrowing another two trillion dollars. Looks like someone at the White House forgot to lay off President Bush’s speechwriters. (Jake Novak)

Yankee Stadium is being sold, everything must go. Madonna wants to buy home plate. It’s for old time’s sake because everybody on the Yankees has scored with Madonna. (Jerry Perisho)

Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer is back in front of the TV cameras to talk about the AIG scandal. It is very appropriate, if you think about it. Who is better to talk about screwing people than Eliot Spitzer. (Pedro Bartes)

The ex-wife of former corporate CEO George David is asking for a divorce settlement of $53,000 a week. She says she isn’t asking for alimony. Just call it her end-of-marriage bonus. (Jim Barach)

In his upcoming tell-all book, Bob Barker says he once seriously considered an offer to appear in porn movies. But, oral sex just isn’t the same when someone keeps yelling, “Come on down!” (Jerry Perisho)

President Obama on Sunday proposed a cap on executive salaries in all publicly traded corporations in the United States. This idea will never make it through Congress. All the executives have to do is tell Barney Frank that they won’t be able to afford to make campaign contributions and the salary cap will die in committee. (Argus Hamilton)

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THE 7-DAY CHALLENGE

Over at the other blog, the Sixpackdoc throws the 7-Day Challenge at you:
“A lot of people need a kick on a part of the body occupied by the gluteus maximus muscle in order for them to do something good.
People like these (and include me in this august majority) can’t change anything in life, including the way they feel and look. Unless severely provoked. In such circumstances, ordinary people do extraordinary things.

f20042challenge-runner-posters
(pic: http://1stepcloser2im.blogspot.com/2008/05/cda-bike-course-computrainer.html)

This post is for those of you who need to shed fat. I am throwing this challenge to all of you:
Starting this Monday (or any day of the week), can you go for one week (seven days, or one hundred and sixty-eight hours) without eating one milligram of bad food?
Specifically, do you have it in you to do ALL of the following, for one full week, no excuses?

If you want to know if you have it in you to take up the challenge, read on and do it!

HOW TO STAY FIT IN RECESSION

Over at my new blog, I posted on the above topic, something I put in for DR of Health Habits.
I was among an elite group of health and fitness bloggers (from whom I learn on a daily basis) contributing to Fitness Guru DR at his blog Health Habits.
This is my contribution, and check out those of others by clicking this link:

The intro:
“Indians are always geared to recession, though you may not understand that from the media reports of a resurgent and shining India. Indians are generally conscious of not wasting money, especially while giving it off to people (ask me, I have to take my fees out from my patients through their body orifices!). But, in these difficult times, being careful with your money is a policy that resonates easily with everyone here. We are all finally in one recession-hit global village today!
I have some suggestions:”
Go there if you want to read it.

BROWNIAN THOUGHTS

* Since I have not given you (much beloved) people much food for thought, I am posting a couple of totally random and erratic (therefore Brownian) thoughts so that you can use it as a bailout plan for your mental retardation brought about by listening to news readers, political leaders like Mr. Obama, Mr. Karat, Mr. V Gandhi, Mr. Everybody, and also the intensely silly statements issued by whothefugisthis starlets in your local newspaper supplement (“I have a glass of carrot juice and an apple for breakfast, I love Gucci shoes and Ermenegildo Zegna ties for my boyfriend, and I MUST shop for them when I tour abroad for my shoes shows”, etc.)

*A man who remembers everything from age five is said to be suffering from hyperthymestia, a rare disease affecting only four other people, who remember every crap they took in life. What a life, and what a disease to have, poor things! It is better to sustain some related affective disorder of the brain. Like gynecomestia, something I have. Not gynecomastia (which means male breasts-something I, er, don’t have, and which many women find sexy), but with an ‘e’. Extract from Wonkipedia: “A disorder, exclusively affecting heterosexual males, where they remember every girl they have loved and not loved, married and not married…” These dudes are always seen to be having retrograde ejaculation, which means they are making exclamation remarks about some girl or the other they remember from the long post past at any given point in time. Of course, doctors know retrograde ejaculation to mean something else, but who cares for doctors, ejaculating or otherwise?

*** I could blog more frequently if I could write on fitness and health issues, but I respect my readers’ preferences for my inane barley-water humor, and I refrain from inflicting my views and experiences of things like the Glute Ham Raise. Whatever. Would you like that? I can hear the dismay already!

**** Update: I have created a new health/fitness blog: the name is (cringe) “six pack doc”. I am truly sorry, but the deed has been done in a moment of madness.