GOODBYE, WORLD!

No, don’t have a heart attack, I am not bidding a piqued adieu, this year-end, to the world.
I am telling you about how scientists envisage the end of the world.
Read this article for details.

1. Dr. Ray Jayawardhana, Canada Research Chair in Observational Astrophysics at the University of Toronto, explains what will happen when the expanding sun engulfs the earth and roasts the planet.

2. Dr. Vicki Kaspi, a Professor of Physics at McGill University, explores the irradiating effects of a giant gamma ray burst.

3. Dr. Laura Ferrarese, a Senior Researcher at the Herzberg Institute of Astrophysics in Victoria, suggests that a rogue black hole may set its voracious appetite on Earth.

4. Dr. Peter Brown, a researcher with the Meteor Physics Group at the University of Western Ontario, tells us what will happen if a giant asteroid plunges into Earth and pulverizes us.

5. Dr. Richard Peltier, Director of the Centre for Global Change Science at the University of Toronto, has a chilling scenario: the earth becomes a Popsicle planet and puts a freeze on photosynthesis.

I am simply amazed at the level of their imagination. They need to eat some Punjabi tandoori food to give them some fire in the belly and some material for fermentation.

How about we try our own list of how the earth will meet its end:

1. The Chinese take a monopoly position in the toothpaste market. The toothpaste contains radioactive poisons that cause destruction of the teeth and gums of the entire populace. The resulting misery leads to an inability to eat, in spite of the world having overcome the subprime crisis, Keynesian bailout economics and the Pakistani hallucinatory crisis, among others, and having a food surplus to boot (no pun intended). Hunger destroys the planet.

2. Manmohan Uncle becomes Indian Prime Minister again. In an ambitious move to make his own name immortal, he launches an ambitious campaign to make crow the international food of the world. He succeeds. The world eats these every day, and everyone dies of diarrheal diseases or drowning. Bird flu gets eradicated because there are no birds, only birdbrains.

3. Shah Rukh Khan gets an Oscar for Best Actor, and most of the world dies by choking while laughing hysterically. Upon hearing about the award to the undisputed Numb-er One , Aamir Khan gets convulsions while doing his 1000th decline push-up, slips down and drowns in his own sweat, but forgets to die.

4. Barack Obama is caught in a double sting–smoking and using bad English during an off-the-record interview with the New York Times for an article quoting “highly placed sources in the White House” on how Hillary Clinton is power-obsessed and a control freak. The world gets a cerebral hemorrhage. US citizens, now enjoying the benefits of ‘free’ medicine, are all living in hospitals. They get strokes, too, but don’t die because they are kept indefinitely on life support. It’s free, after all!

5. You tell the rest of us how you think the world is going to end. Or say something vacuous and irrelevant, like a Minister. This season, you are forgiven for everything. Even for bad blogging.