A CRUSHING MOVE IN BLOGGING HISTORY

I have watched with a certain degree of perplexity this tagging business in Blogsville. I have previously been tagged by Shefaly, Nita, Mahendra and Prerna, but I escaped most of the time by procrastinating. If you notice, most of them are ladies. We men are trapped in a world that is controlled by women. Publish or perish. Well, I tried and tried, but I got cornered by another one by Purnima, a delightfully candid girl whose moods fluctuate slightly according to the lunar cycle.
I decided to quash this tagging phenomenon forever. By writing one so crushingly odious and torturous that people will sputter (or is it splutter?) into their pink champagnes whenever they think of tagging me.
So, ladies and laddas, here is the ultimate tag-crusher.
No takers, mind it!!

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Race.

2. What book are you currently reading?
None. After my failed efforts to read the Holy Koran (seriously), The Kike Runner, The Shamesake and sundry dirty books, and after my successful entry into modern gym-toned studhood, I am more looker than booker.

3. Favorite board game?
Overboard. Especially when it comes to favorite women and favorite food.

4. Favorite magazine?
Mad.

5. Favorite smells?
Babies after their bath and powder. Food and ovulating women in heat cooking in the kitchen. Please forgive me if my pun tuation is not up to the mark here.

6. Favorite sounds?
Purnima: Baby laughter.
Me: Ditto. Babes laughing, too.

7. Worst feeling in the world?
P: Being deprived from internet and having to choose between loved ones.
Me: Being deprived of love and a clean bathroom, not necessarily in the same order, and having to choose between love and internet.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

P: I need to pee.
Me: I check my mail. Which makes me want to P.

9. Favorite fast food place?
She: Don’t really like fast food. Call me a snob!
Me: I treat food and sex in the same platform: the preparation must be fast, the consumption must be slow. And the place: anyplace that is unaffordable.

10. Future child’s name?
She: girl- Raja, Rajinder, Rukhsana.
Me: I am generally not informed by the mothers, for some reason.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?”
She: Invest it. Seems logic right?
Me: Use hundred-rupee bills to freak out in vests made out of them.
Not of much better use these days with inflation and taxation taking off most of my marginal income.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
She: He’s an animal alright … the stuffed part is what troubles me.
Me: Some like being staffed before being stuffed. Not me. The only stuffed animals I know are for eating, not sleeping with.

13. Storms: cool or scary?
She: If we have to believe Ella, neither. I stick with Jazzy!
Me: See, I told you she was a little, you know? I don’t even know if that was Inglees, our official language.

14. Favorite drinks?
The nectar of earned love. A drop of honest sweat (mostly my own). A chilled glass of ON. A 21 year-old, unearned single malt.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?

She: Write all the novels I have dancing around in my head, cut my toenails, clean my room, answer all my emails, update my blog, tell Lallopallo one more time I adore him, save the world, solve world famine, paint my room, finish the books I still have to read, go to the barber.
Me: I would settle for the barber: it takes a lot of time to grow hair these days.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
I am not sure if this is a loaded question that actually means “Do you eat the stem on Brocco Lee?”
To which my answer would be in the negative.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
First, you grow the hair. If that miracle actually happens, you love any color you get.

18. Name all the different cities you have lived in?
Sin City, Perspica City, Menda City, Tena City.

19. Favorite sport to watch?
She: Chess.
He: I agree. Provided the contestants are Communist Party leaders and the audience is allowed to throw eggs at the contestants for every wrong move.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?

She: What I say? They are horrible, horrible people! Horrible I tell you!
Me: She was dropped on the head when she was so little, so it’s not her fault. And she paints well, too.

21. What’s under your bed?
I believe that a bed defines a man: some have baggage with them. Mine is solid. The only thing beneath is the floor, which is a trifle slippery, though.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?

She: Yes, again again and again.
Me: Here I disagree. Never again will I be born thus. I would like to be reborn as an American President. That way, you don’t need to get things right all the time. People will still treat you as the last word in success and want to be reborn internally and eternally as you.

23. Favorite place to relax?
She: Beach, next to, under or on top of a loved one.
Me: I couldn’t better that answer. Mountain. As also a good city moment of success.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
She: Ugh I don’t even know what that means… I think it’s not good for a girl to say she’s easy let alone over easy so I stick with Sunny side up!
Me: Whether in the stock market, the bed or the kitchen, a roll-over is crucial to a successful climax. The upside is sunny, but there clearly are no downsides to getting it hot both ways. I am talking about eggs, of course, as others know.

25. Favorite pie?
Pie-in-the-sky. The American Pie.

26. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Sultry Siren, Longing Looks, Butter Lick.
There are really no flavors I know of with these names, but if there were, I would make them my favorites.

27. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

Let’s see: I tag Maami, Paul and Usha. And one highly deserving candidate to crush this phenomenon: Naren.
No, I don’t have any idea which of them will come fast first.