ME, ME, TURNING THE TABLE TALK

In a previous tag, Usha had accused me of twisting things beyond recognition, and masochistically, then got me into this meme on table talk. Tells you something about women in general, as her husband might care to testify, if we could get his jaws unwired and surgically separate his tongue from the palate.
Now, bozos and bazookas, this is about as straight as I can talk. It doesn’t get easier or simpler than this. Be warned. Mind it!

What’s your favourite table?
My operating table, but that is where I make my bread and butter. That is different. Like how one of my old girlfriends used to have sex on her kitchen table. This gave a different twist, if not aroma, to food. I gave her up for her awesome oweful table manners, believe me.

What would you have for your last supper?
If I am able to eat: Indian sweets, chocolate cake; if I cannot swallow but liquids, then Milkmaid.

What’s your poison?
Sugar. I have a strong addiction to it. It is only recently that I am controlling it. Rather like how Mr. Chidambaram is doing such a splendid job controlling our inflation with his poisons.

Name your three desert island ingredients.
Nicotine, wine, and chocolates.
All to be served by cheerleaders, or Kingfisher Airline hostesses. Do notice the class it took not to scream “I want Penthouse centerfolds” when it came to choosing.

What would you put in Room 101?
Cheerleaders carrying the above.

Which book gets you cooking?
Pasta: author?

What’s your dream dinner party line-up?
Usha, Lakshmi, Shefaly, Nita, Prerna, Maami, The Rational Fool and Paul.
The rest of you: stop shouting “Liar! Flatterer!”

What was your childhood teatime treat?
Nice biscuits. White bread, thickly layered with Amul butter and coated uniformly with sugar. This, future historians will attest, has affected my psyche on a permanent basis.

What was your most memorable meal?
Too many, and too painfully in the past to revisit. I, Indian accent in tow, have many fond mammaries of people I have shared dinner with.

What was your biggest food disaster?
Cooking an Italian dinner (lemon pasta, spaghetti carbonara, Moussaka-not Italian, really, etc.) for a group of elderly women (friends of a MIL) who, horrors, loved it to the extent that they invited themselves over for their next meeting! It almost led to a divorce, I tell you.

What’s the worst meal you’ve ever had?
I don’t eat what I don’t like. It is rather similar to how ladies don’t do it with men they don’t like. Except their husbands, of course. Husbands cannot be similarly accused, as we know.

Who’s your food hero/food villain?
For every man, it is his mother. For me, too, but if you think of a hero as a person who snatches the heroine in victory, then ME.

Nigella or Delia?
Do I need to eat them? Are they names of cheese? What exactly, I wonder, am I supposed to do with them?

Vegetarians: genius or madness?
Madness is an old cow-eaters’ disease. Vegetarians are genial asses. Ass far as generalisations go.

Fast food or fresh food?
Who’s treating?

Who would you most like to cook for?
You.
(Background noises: “Liar! Flatterer!!”)

What would you cook to impress a date?
Starters: gnocchi, fried cheesy potatoes with Italian herbs, insalata caprese.
Soup: Cream of mushroom.
Entree: Fusilli with walnuts, Fettuccini Alfredo, mushroom risotto, roasted veal with olive, lemon and sage relish.
(Pun-lovers: try my take on pasta.)
Dessert: Walnut cake with butterscotch ice cream, double truffle chocolate cake.
Alcohol: mostly a variety of wines.

Make a wish.
And risk it coming true: are you normal-crazy or a Minister?

24 responses to “ME, ME, TURNING THE TABLE TALK

  1. I think only you can make memes so entertaining…! And looks like pasta is your favourite, we all love it in our family too…we have pasta almost every other day…and many are my own home-made recipes…a spinach and walnut combo is a favorite. My husband prefers bits of ham in it too.
    As for you dinner guests, sounds very interesting. I always love a good er….discussion! 🙂 Others can expect it from me too, as long as I remain rational! 🙂 I warn you I am a mad person in company…the result of growing up in a houseful of cousins and mad mad gatherings where everyone talks at once and has no trouble in getting the point across. An unfair advantage I think I will have…

  2. R-Doc:

    I don’t think Jackie Danicki even imagined the responses this meme will generate 🙂

    Thanks for inviting me to that dinner table. On the other hand, I daresay a date involving that much food is not going to anything else in a hurry. Haha!

    Nigella and Delia are two TV chefs in the UK. Delia was the original; Nigella is the daughter of a past Chancellor of the exchequer and is married now to Charles Saatchi. I would Google them if I were you. You will be amused… In my response to the meme, I had oblique references to these deserving a place in Room 101.

  3. Psst, Shefaly! Sometimes, for my own mischievous reasons, I act like I don’t know things. 😉
    Nita: I swear people like you would have an unfair advantage in a loud, raucous discussion! 🙂

  4. hahaha, Doc…. you are still in your game, darlin’ 🙂 ….
    Nita, Shefaly, Amit, Prerna, Paul, et al….same to you, ladies & gents!
    I’m still here, but sucked up into USA election primaries big time.
    It is exciting at the moment, although issues are not black and white.
    So, be well my sweets; I will keep checking on ya.

  5. I drop in after ages, and what do I get? A dinner date.
    I am game, as long as the dinner comprises Indian sweets, chocolate cakes and lots of milkmaid.
    And I hope you left your ex’s kitchen table behind. I don’t like to eat on stained surfaces.

  6. Vivek Khadpekar

    //… “a” MIL … //

    How many do you have?

  7. Vivek Khadpekar

    Lakshmi:

    //… lots of milkmaid …//

    Did you mean “milkmaids”? Like the ones that a certain character in the Gokul-Vrindavan precinct used to frolic around with?

  8. Vivek Khadpekar

    Doc:

    //double truffle chocolate cake//

    That’s suspicious if offered by a doctor. See what Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1996) says (inter alia, of course, but uncomfortably close to the top):

    Truffle — 2. (Anat.) A tuberosity; a tubercle.

    Wonder if that’s a definition or a cautionary note 😉

  9. “//… “a” MIL … //

    How many do you have?”

    Vivek:
    Shhh. Mum’s the word!
    Thanks for the dissection of the tubercle.
    Jackie:
    Long time! I am sure you are campaigning for the wrong candidate! 😉
    Lakshmi:
    No, don’t turn the table on me now. It wasn’t mine to start with!

  10. Thank you so much for inviting me to diner! That’s an excellent guest line up, Doc — except for that last guy. Occasionally, your taste in guests is inscrutable.

  11. Nicotine, wine, and chocolates??? Is that coming from a doc???

  12. Hey, since we have the same guest list could we do it together so you could bring your date along and also cook that imporessive meal?

    But this one scares me:
    “have many fond mammaries of people I have shared dinner with.”
    Surgically removed and kept as mementoes?

    Hehehhe. Thanks for taking up the tag and twisting it beyond recognition. Loved it.

  13. Vivek Khadpekar

    Usha,

    That mixup of lines did not bother me too much. Being an editor at heart I knew where what had to go.

    Ergo, your instruction in parentheses does not really need action, surgical or otherwise 🙂 .

  14. Oh Boy!!! This is more twisted than the previous one. 😆
    I crown you the Meme Mammal of the century. :mrgreen:

  15. Oh Boy!!! This is more twisted than the previous one. 😆
    I crown you the Meme Mammal of the century. :mrgreen:

  16. Thank you so much for inviting me to diner!
    //White bread, thickly layered with Amul butter and coated uniformly with sugar//substitute Amul butter with home made butter and it is my favourite childhood snack.

  17. Prerna:
    At least then I won’t have to cook anything else when you come for dinner!
    Amit:
    Thanks! 🙂
    Usha:
    I am relieved. Aalso, me diddint say I carry long mammaries, fortunately! 😉
    Oemar:
    Doctors have their share of vices, a lion’s share, if you can guess from looking at me!
    Paul:
    You are invited not because you are good, but because of the nude females you are expected to be with. You be wondering about God, I be keep her interested…. Remember “Rubbing Peter and Praying for Paul?” 😀

  18. I think I’ve changed my mind about talking when I come to dinner to your place Rdoc. I think I am going to just laugh and laugh!!

  19. “It is rather similar to how ladies don’t do it with men they don’t like. Except their husbands, of course. Husbands cannot be similarly accused, as we know.”

    Funny!

  20. 🙂 indeed twisted, in front of u, i prostrate 😀

  21. R-Doc:

    Since you have broken the taboo, I have tagged you – again and this time, in addition to your humour, you will bring a perspective nobody else has – except perhaps Jackie whom I have not seen in a while.

    Come on, don’t be partial to sensible ladies only…

    The meme is here:
    http://laviequotidienne.wordpress.com/2008/05/27/meme-the-branded-life/

  22. Phew. Just back from Kolkata and hullo, what do I find here?
    Thanks, you flattering liar, you, you.
    Be warned I’m no milkmaid, but a matron, a maami, but those who know me say I taste just as sweet.
    Date then it is Doc.

  23. Maami,
    Dare I say the truth: that I have special private plans for you!?

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